ell us a little about yourself and your family.
.I am an American from the heart of Appalachia (Tennessee-Kentucky-Virginia border). I lived with my grandparents until I was about 11 years old. Both of my grandfathers were fire-and-brimstone country preacdhers. Most members of my family are uneducated, but are all over the spectrum religiously. My parents were not religious at all when I was growing up. Nor were my sister or brother.
Were you a born in or a convert?
.Convert.
Are your parents / family JWs?
.I have one cousin who is a JW, and that's all I am aware of at this point. I had another cousin who was DF'd for being gay, but he is deceased. My parents are deceased. Ironically, they became JW's after I had apostasized.
How many generations have been JWs?
.Only my parents and about four members of my generatiion.
Did you hold any position in the WTS? (MS, Elder etc...)
.I married an elder. I certainly noticed a difference in how I was treated as an elderette versus a single female JW with no other JW family.
Did you *really* believe in the bible, in spirits (angels, demons)?
.Yes. I had always believed in God because my grandparents were very religious and also good, kind, decent, wonderful people.
Did you get baptised? When and why?
.I got baptized at age 17 after having been a publisher for two years. There was a lot of pressure on me to do this. I really was scared lest I screw up.
What was the initial trigger that made you start questioning things?
.It was a personal crisis. I married just for religion, not because I loved my husband. At about age 27, I started having depression, crying jags, was unable to concentrate, and was having accidents and near-accidents. I started asking myself how I got to such an unhappy place, and started remembering things I had suppressed. This was post-1975, and I had expected to be living in "paradise," which was based on a false prophecy, and I started wondering what I should do in case I actually lived a long life in the present "system." I wanted to go back to school, but everything I wanted was vetoed by my husband.
Where did you find information? Internet sites? Books?
.There wasn't much of a search for information on my part. I still believed in the JW doctrines. However, I knew that for my mental health I had to get away and make some changes.
How difficult or painful was the process of leaving?
.The biggest "pain" I experienced was fear of being found out. I planned my exit strategy with a DF'd cousin, an active JW friend (who was having her own serious doubts) and a friend who had recently apostasized. Actually, I was excited about leaving, in that I was going to move to the other end of the U.S. (the West) where my DF'd cousin was going to take me in.
Was it a big dramatic exit or a careful quiet fade?
.It depends on how you look at it, I suppose. I had my bags packed. After my husband left for work, my friend came and drove my 7-year-old daughter and me to the airport. We flew across country and were met by my cousin. I was not around to see the shock and whatever other reactions there might have been at the congregation I left behind.
Did you convince anyone else to leave with you?
.No.
How were your family relations affected by your decision?
.There were no JW's in my family at the time. My mom wanted me to go back to my husband, but she never had good judgment. I was told that my fundamentalist grandfather (who had been divorced once in his youth) stated that he was glad I had the "spunk" to get away if I was not happy.
Were you or are you still being shunned by those who didn't leave?
.I never see them. However, I am in touch with some on Facebook who have also exited.
How long have you now been out?
.Since 1979. That's about 34 years.
Was there anything you looked forward to doing when you left?
.Yes. I looked forward to being myself again. I wanted to get an education and have a career. I did better with the education than the career.
What are you most proud of achieving since you left?
.I obtained a B.A. degree, with the help of my second husband.
Is there anything you miss about life in the congregation?
.No.
Red pill or blue pill? Do you regret waking up to reality at all?
.I do not regret a thing.
Did you become an atheist or transfer your faith elsewhere?
.My second husband had attended an Episcopal college and was a professional Bible teacher (can't get away from it!) We joined the Episcopal Church. I rarely attend church. I wll attend church with my great granddaughter when she is a bit older. I think it's important to give children some kind of spiritual foundation so they can make an intelligent decision about their own beliefs as adults.
How do you now feel about religion in general?
.Some people need religion. It has its uses and benefits, but it's not for everybody.
Do you feel any guilt celebrating xmas or birthdays or doing any other JW "no-no"s?
.No.
Have you attended any face-to-face meetups of ex-JWs?
.Yes. I attended the Silentlambs March in New York. The next year I met up with a former poster on this board in London, and we visited the "Watchtower House" over there and left a lamb as a symbol of the children who are sexually assaulted by JW's. I have attended a couple of apostafests as well.
Describe your circle of friends - mostly other ex-JWs or regular people?
.Most of my friends are regular folks, nice folks.
Do you tell people about your JW past?
.I do now. In the past, I tried to keep it a secret out of embarrassment.
Do you feel animosity or pity toward current JWs?
.I do feel pity. After all, they are like I once was. I especially feel for the children, who have no choice about being indoctrinated and are not taught right from wrong, just blind obedience, which is likely to bring them sorrow later in life.
How do you respond to witnesses when they call at your door?
.I tell them directly that I am an apostate. Their reactions differ greatly.
Storm the barricades or tend to the wounded? (do you favor activism or support)
.Like some others, I think open activism can be counterproductive. Each person has to find his or her own way, and we need to be there to brush them off and help them take the first steps to freedom.
What do you think is the most effective approach to reaching people still in?
.Kindness, and asking good questions.
Do you think the WTS can or should be destroyed, will continue on as-is or grow / change?
.It could implode, but I don't think this is likely. Unfortunately, there will always be cults and vulnerable people to be sucked into them.
How has your life been impacted by your JW past?
.It helps me to be less judgmental and more understanding of people who do crazy things and mess up their lives.
Are there things in your life you blame the WTS for?
.Not realy. Obviously, I already had issues, or I would not have ever associated myself with a high-control group.
JW upbringing - a protection or a curse?
.Definitely a curse. There is no "protection" in being lied to and taught to blindly obey instead of being taught right from wrong and how to avoid harm to self and others.
How do you fill your time now it's not filled with meetings and field service?
.I am always learning something. I spend time with my family and read, knit and crochet a lot as well.
Do you still have an interest in JW beliefs and doctrines?
.Only in a detached sense. I like to know what the believe so I can have an intelligent conversation if the occasion arises.
How much of your time is still spent on JW related matters?
.Other than coming to visit this board 2-3 times a week, none.
What do you think of the ex-JW community?
.They are like all other human beings.
Do you see yourself still being associated with the ex-JW community in 5 or 10 years time?
.Yes, if I'm still here :-)
Do you fear the future?
.No.
What advice would you give to anyone starting the journey of leaving the WTS?
.Get a support system in place before you leave. Make friends with others who can help you transition into the world of reality. Learn some job skills. Join a club.
What would you change in your life if you could go back and talk to yourself?
.I would take school more seriously in my youth.
Do you have any regrets about life since you left?
.I wish I had chosen a second college major with more potential for income.
Can we read your life-story anywhere? (links to online or books)
.There's a brief synopsis on this site.