My brother the Rule-Breaker

freeflyingfaerie

He called me yesterday, as he does every once in a while out of the clear blue...just to chat. That's the best part, it wasnt' a memorial invite or tragic news.

My parents only ring me about deaths or to say hi to my little ones and see that I still have a pulse, and I only ring them to speak to my sister (with Down's Syndrome, she doesn't have her own phone) and tell them I love them.

My youngest brother only called once as a sheparding visit upon becoming knighted, or eldered, whatever it's called. And my other brother and I havent had contact in five years (which is kind of amazing, as he was always a daredevil rebel).

My older brother, though, warmed my heart by being a bad boy and calling me and texting photos. He says every time he calls, ' I know I'm not supposed to, but I love you and ...you're my sister!' I'm so glad that he manages to listen to his true self against the demands of the WT, even if for only a few minutes. He said he understands the reasons why he's not supposed to talk to me: to help me back (don't hold your breath!). I always say the shunning has the opposite effect: confirms that I made the right choice in leaving. We agreed that it's best not to disuss religion at this point. We also agreed that the show The Big Bang Theory is Hilarious

Love to all~

P.S. When I think of my brother, sometimes the Metallica song The Unforgiven comes into my head~

What I've felt

what I've known

never shined through

in what I've shown

Never be never see

won't see what might have been...

What I've felt

what I've known

never shined through

in what I've shown

Never free never me

so I dub thee Unforgiven..

KateWild

I am happy for you he is not shunning you. It's so nice you had a nice chat with him. Love Kate xx

wallsofjericho

nice,

I still text and send pics to my brother even though he is DF'd. I am the only sibling to do this though, the others are not aware or I know they freak out on me.

of course I know TTATT so I have no inhibitions sending these, but I can't believe my sibling's can just pretend he doesn't exist. Such a BS religion

adamah

FFF said-

He said he understands the reasons why he's not supposed to talk to me: to help me back (don't hold your breath!). I always say the shunning has the opposite effect: confirms that I made the right choice in leaving. We agreed that it's best not to disuss religion at this point.

That's great to hear, FFF, since there are SOME JWs who understand that the GB is violating the boundaries of the family by demanding shunning, and they don't comply.

Of course, they have Biblical justification to do so: eg Jesus clearly said he came to break up families, had to leave one's relatives behind, etc, and the Bible (OT and NT) confirms the shocking lack of family values that occurs by placing God at the very pinnacle of the loyalty totem pole, even above one's own family. I can't fault JWs for following the Bible: it actually DOES say what they say it does, and is one of many reasons that demonstrate it's establishing a system of controlling others, based on a belief in God.

But it's great that the lines of communication remain open, FFF; it's going to take a long time and patience, and maintaining a non-confrontational approach which is based more listening and asking questions, etc. People have to figure it out for themselves (or at least THINK they're figuring it out on their own, where a Socratic method of asking questions at the right time is best).

BTW, you obviously know this, but the WORST thing that you could do would be to point out how hypocritical they are, etc, since that's a conversation-stopper and triggers a cult defense (we see that here, when JW's post and others can't resist telling them how they're violating GB rules, as if they don't know).

Adam

freeflyingfaerie

Hi Kate~ guess that's true, it isn't complete shunning. Maybe he talks to me because he was df'd himself before. Difference is that even when he was 'out', he still always maintained that the JW's are the true religion. He doesn't seem to understand that difference. I know the religion is a big fat lie.

woj~ are you still 'active' in the religion?

Adam~ Good point about the biblical support for shunning. It would be a complete waste of energy to argue that (or just about anything, for that matter...they have an 'answer' for everything). And I'm not about to drop the bomb on him that I no longer believe that the bible is anything more than man-made stories...let alone that I no longer have any reason to believe in any sort of god. Biting my tongue.

When we talk, a flood of thoughts come and I want to download all the things i've learned since leaving right to his hard drive. But he's gonna have to do all of his own work to mentally free him self. It'll take some skill to get him to think and question. Still working on how to keep it concise and keep emotion out of it.

Band on the Run

I was so afraid to let family members know my business for fear of being shunned. It was difficult. Much to my shock, they did not reject me. The remaining problem was that we had nothing in common to talk about. Our encounters were brief. They always told us in excruciating detail about the latest Witness rules. As though we wanted to hear it. We just listened stoically and never responded. It took discipline. We were glad to not be shunned. From their viewpoint, they were risking their eternal lives to talk to us. We were not embraced. Somehow with cult members little blessings are a big deal.

Perhaps we should have discussed some worldly item when they raised Witness things.

freeflyingfaerie

BOTR~ "From their viewpoint, they were risking their eternal lives to talk to us."

It does come down to that, doesnt' it.

Btw, you have an interesting way of writing. Interesting good.

problemaddict

Hello FFF,

I don't recall speaking to you before. You are a better person than me. If my parents insisted on shunning me, there is no way they would be allowed to phone my children. So good on ya.

You know, all of us started with one little ray of rebellion, a small piece of something we allow ourselves to do against the wishes of the religion. That can grow. My wife has partially began her own wake up behind looking at the disfellowshipping doctrine.

It is one that deeply impacts families and lives in a unique way. I think that people instinctively have issue with someone saying you can't even speak to your family......because we said they are kicked out of this religion (for whatever reason). So sometimes peoples own conscience can be a weapon in your favor. It is against there better nature to listen to the GB, and you can appeal to that by not pressing the issue, and responding in kind.

freeflyingfaerie

problem~ hi back atcha. When i first left, the parents would not allow me to have contact with my sister..and after a while i didn't let them have time with my little ones either. That just didn't feel right though, it wasn't fair to the girls, and i eventually went back to what i consider the way it should be: grandkids and grandparents having some sort of relationship. They eventually 'let' me have a few moments with my little sister. They can act like jerks, but i just don't want to stoop down to that level and use the same tactics they use anymore. Maybe they'll one day get tired of being so harsh, after all harsh takes a lot of energy.

That's awesome that your wife is beginning to wake up! Happy for you both!

My brother the Rule-Breaker

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