Blondie's Comments You Will Not Hear at the 07-28-2013 WT Study (PARENTS)

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  • blondie

    Comments You Will Not Hear at the 07-28-2013 WT Study (MAY 15, 2013, pages 19-23)(PARENTS, CHILDREN COMMUNICATE)

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    “Every man must be

    swift about hearing,

    slow about speaking,

    slow about wrath.”

    —JAS. 1:19.


    Why is it important to make

    time for communication?

    How might parents apply

    James 1:19?

    How might children apply

    James 1:19?


    In the last series of articles, was there a part of how elders can communicate with the “sheep” in their congregation? How often do they talk to them, about what? Do elders feel they are only responsible for the jws assigned to their FIELD SERVICE group? Do they know the names and ages of the children? Have they worked door to door with these children, their parents, childless couples, single men and women at least once a year? But why is the onus of asking put on the publisher?

    *** km 10/12 p. 6 par. 3 How to Benefit From Your Field Service Group ***

    Although the congregation now meets together on one less occasion a week, this does not mean that publishers should receive less shepherding. Group overseers are appointed in each group to give individuals personal encouragement and training for the ministry. If your group overseer has not yet made an appointment to work with you in the ministry, why not ask to work with him?


    1, 2. How do parents and children generally feel about one

    another, but what difficulty do they sometimes face?

    “IF YOU were to somehow find out that your parents

    were going to die tomorrow, what would you most

    want to tell them today?” That was a question put to

    hundreds of children in the United States. Rather

    than focusing on any existing problems and differences

    that might have been troubling them, some

    95 percent said that they would tell their parents:

    “I’m sorry” and “I love you so much.”—For Parents

    Only, by Shaunti Feldhahn and Lisa Rice.

    So why does the WTS quote secular sources. What are their positions on other topics?

    2 Generally, children love their parents, and parents

    love their children. This is especially true in

    Christian households. Although parents and children

    yearn to be close to one another, communication

    is sometimes difficult. Even when conversation

    may otherwise be frank and open, why are some

    topics avoided entirely? What are some barriers to

    good communication? How may they be overcome?


    Christian households = only jw households, others who claim to be “Christian” are only “professed” or “so-called” in WTS belief

    Do you think jw parents even suggest that a jw could be a pedophile and children should watch out?


    3. (a) Why is good communication a challenge for many

    families? (b) Why was spending time together not a problem

    for families in ancient Israel?

    3 Many families find that it is difficult to have

    enough time for meaningful communication. That

    was not always the case. Moses instructed Israelite

    fathers: “You must inculcate [God’s words] in your

    son and speak of them when you sit in your house

    and when you walk on the road and when you lie

    down and when you get up.” (Deut. 6:6, 7) Children

    spent the day either with their mother at home or

    with their father in the fields or at his workplace.

    There was plenty of time for children and parents

    to be together and converse. Consequently, parents

    were in a position to get to know the

    needs, desires, and personality of their

    children. Likewise, there was time and

    sufficient opportunity for children to get

    to know their parents well.

    Have enough time – especially busy elder fathers…

    “meaningful” communication – what does the WTS consider meaningful…a deluge of religious homilies?

    So because people do not work at home any more….does not mean they aren’t home any more or don’t do things they can do with their parents, dishes,

    4. Why is communication a problem in many

    families today?

    4 How different life is today! In some

    countries, children begin preschool at an

    early age, sometimes when they are only

    two years old. Many fathers and mothers

    work at jobs away from home. During

    the little time that parents and children

    are together, communication competes

    with and often loses out to computers,

    television, and other electronic media.

    In many cases, children and parents live

    separate lives; they are virtual strangers.

    Meaningful conversation may be almost


    So who have the responsibility to regulate electronic media at home, children or parents? What do children see their parents doing? Do they see them glued to electronic media, do they see their parents engaging in “meaningful” conversation?

    5, 6. How do some parents ‘buy out’ more

    time to spend with their children?

    5 Can you ‘buy out’ time from other

    things so as to spend more of it with

    your family? (Read Ephesians 5:15, 16.)

    Some families agree to limit television

    viewing or computer use. Others strive

    to have at least one meal together each

    day. And what a fine opportunity the arrangement

    of family worship offers for

    parents and children to draw close to

    one another and discuss spiritual matters

    calmly! Setting aside an hour or so a

    week for this purpose is a good start, but

    more is needed to open the door to deep

    conversation. For that, regular and frequent

    communication is a must. Before

    your young one heads out for school, say

    something encouraging, discuss the daily

    text, or offer a prayer with your child.

    Doing so can make a great difference in

    his or her day.

    Bethelites are only required to eat breakfast together; otherwise the “glean” food and go back to their room. Many have to travel far for the meetings and don’t have time to eat supper.

    Why say discuss spiritual matters CALMLY, are fights going on?


    So “meaningful” CONVERSATION is discussing the day’s text, offering a prayer?

    What does the WTS consider an encouraging thing to say?

    6 Some parents have been able to

    make changes in their lifestyle so as to

    spend more time with their young ones.

    For instance, Laura,* a mother of two

    young children, left a full-time job for

    this reason. She says: “In the morning

    all of us were rushing out the door to

    get to work or school. When I returned

    home in the evening, my children were

    already asleep, having been put to bed

    by a nanny. My giving up the job has

    meant that we have to manage with less

    money, but I feel that I am now in touch

    with my children’s thoughts and problems.

    I listen to what they say in prayer

    and can guide them, encourage them,

    and teach them.”

    *Name has been changed.

    Parents make changes in their lifestyle—another way to say that women should not work outside the home and the only reason they do work is to buy extra, unnecessary things

    *** w85 2/15 p. 24 Does Greed Sometimes Grip You? ***

    Far more serious to a Christian is the spiritual danger inherent in greed. Materialism has caused some Christian wives, whose husbands earn reasonable pay, to seek employment even if the result is neglect of their children and fewer blessings in the preaching work.

    PICTURE: Do not let distractions and isolation hinder communication within your family


    7. What is a common complaint of both children

    and parents?

    7 After conducting many interviews

    with young people, the authors of the

    book For Parents Only noted another barrier

    to communication. They say: “The

    kids’ number one most common complaint

    about their parents was, ‘They

    don’t listen.’ ” That problem is hardly

    one-sided. Parents frequently make the

    same complaint about their children. To

    keep the lines of communication open,

    family members must listen—really listen—

    to one another.—Read James 1:19.

    So why are these non-jws experts for jws?

    At the meetings do people listen or sermonize? Is it a give and take conversation of equals?

    Do the elders listen or give you a copy of an article or a canned response?

    Do parents do any less of what they see and what others do to them when dealing with their children?

    8. How might parents truly listen to their children?

    8 Parents, do you really listen to your

    children? This may be difficult when

    you are tired or when the conversation

    seems somewhat trivial. But what appears

    to be trivial to you may be very important

    to your child. To be “swift about

    hearing” means being attentive not only

    to what your child says but also to how

    he or she says it. Tone of voice and body

    language give clues about how a young

    one feels. Asking questions is also important.

    “A person’s thoughts are like

    water in a deep well,” says the Bible,

    “but someone with insight can draw

    them out.” (Prov. 20:5, Today’s English

    Version) Insight and discernment are especially

    needed when you are drawing

    your children out on sensitive topics.

    Do elders use the same excuses, tired, the publisher’s concern is “trivial”?

    Or if they have heard it before, it is of no concern?

    Body language? I remember the elder who rose and shouted in my face at a shepherding call, shocking my husband and the other elder. No shouting by me, no disrespect, but a revealing of his true nature, his body language was shouting.

    Remember, this elder was a parent…do you think he shouted at his children at home?

    9. Why should children listen to their parents?

    9 Children, do you obey your parents?

    “Listen, my son, to the discipline of

    your father,” says God’s Word, “and

    do not forsake the law of your mother.”

    (Prov. 1:8) Remember, your parents

    love you and have your best interests

    at heart, so it is wise to listen to them

    and obey them. (Eph. 6:1) It is easier to

    be obedient when there is good communication

    and when you know that you

    are loved. Tell your parents how you feel

    about things. This will help them to understand

    you. Of course, you should also

    try to understand them.

    Because you share DNA with people does that mean they love you and have their child’s best interests at heart?

    So parents do not love their children when they are disobedient? Does God not love us as sinners? Why not parents?

    Too much responsibility is but on children to be the adult one by the WTS.

    10. What do we learn from the Bible’s account

    of Rehoboam?

    10 When it comes to listening to advice

    from young people your own age,

    you need to be careful. They may tell you

    what you want to hear, but their advice

    may not help you at all. In fact, it could

    even harm you. Lacking the wisdom and

    experience of older ones, most young

    people do not have a long-term view of

    things and may not be able to discern

    the consequences of certain actions. Remember

    the example of King Solomon’s

    son Rehoboam. When he became the

    king of Israel, it would have been wise

    for him to follow the counsel of the older

    men. Instead, he followed the foolish

    advice of the younger men he had

    grown up with. He thus lost the support

    of most subjects of his kingdom. (1 Ki.

    12:1-17) Rather than imitating Rehoboam’s

    unwise course, work hard to keep

    the lines of communication with your

    parents open. Share your thoughts with

    them. Benefit from their counsel, and

    learn from their wisdom.—Prov. 13:20.

    What supposedly makes one advice have value per the WTS, one’s age or the source of that wisdom?

    Does age guarantee wisdom?

    11. What may result if parents are not approachable?

    11 Parents, if you do not want your

    children to look to their peers for advice,

    make yourself approachable, easy

    to talk to. One teenage sister wrote: “All

    I have to do is mention a boy’s name and

    my parents get uneasy. That makes me

    uneasy and reluctant to continue talking.”

    Another young sister wrote: “Many

    teenagers want their parents’ advice,

    but if their parents don’t take them seriously,

    the kids will go to someone else

    who will, even to those who are less

    experienced.” If you are willing to listen

    compassionately to your children on

    every sort of topic, you will likely find

    that they will open up to you and welcome

    your guidance.

    If parents give advice not based on scriptural wisdom, should children follow it? I grew up in a family with a non-jw father and a jw mother. I had to weigh their advice all the time.

    Samuel was 5 when he was left at the temple in the care of Eli and the other priests. Were their examples one to follow?

    Could David be an example of why not to commit adultery and murder?


    12. How might parents’ reactions obstruct

    communication with their children?

    12 A barrier to communication also

    arises when parents react emotionally

    and negatively to what their children

    tell them. Understandably, Christian

    parents want to protect their children.

    These “last days” are fraught with dangers—

    spiritual and otherwise. (2 Tim. 3:

    1-5) However, what parents see as protective

    may seem excessive to their children.

    So what does the WTS consider overreacting?

    More likely the elders see as excessive….but say nothing.

    13. Why should parents be careful about expressing

    their opinion too quickly?

    13 Parents are wise not to express

    their opinion too quickly. True, it is not

    always easy to keep quiet when your

    children tell you something distressing.

    But it is important to listen carefully

    before responding. Wise King Solomon

    wrote: “When anyone is replying

    to a matter before he hears it, that is

    foolishness on his part and a humiliation.”

    (Prov. 18:13) If you stay calm, you

    will hear more and your children will

    keep talking. You have to get the complete

    picture before you are in a position

    to help. Behind the “wild talk” may

    be a heart in turmoil. (Job 6:1-3) As loving

    parents, use your ears to gain understanding

    and your tongue to heal.

    Express the OPINION

    Listen CAREFULLY (get the facts, don’t jump to judgment….elders, too)

    Stay calm (elders too)

    Complete picture (elders too)

    Tongue to heal (elders too)

    14. Why should children be slow about speaking?

    14 Children, you too need to be “slow

    about speaking,” not immediately objecting

    to what your parents say, for

    they have the God-given responsibility

    to train you. (Prov. 22:6) They may have

    experienced situations like the ones you

    now experience. Moreover, they regret

    the mistakes they made when they were

    young and earnestly want to protect

    you from making similar ones. Therefore,

    view your parents as allies, not adversaries;

    as advisers, not antagonists.

    (Read Proverbs 1:5.) “Honor your father

    and your mother,” and show them that

    you love them as they love you. That will

    make it easier for them to ‘bring you up

    in the discipline and mental-regulating

    of Jehovah.’—Eph. 6:2, 4.

    Yes, children are to seen not heard.

    Train them or set a good example, do as I say not as I do


    15. What will help us not to lose patience and

    become upset with our loved ones?

    15 We are not always patient with

    those whom we love. “To the holy ones

    and faithful brothers in union with

    Christ at Colossae,” the apostle Paul

    wrote: “You husbands, keep on loving

    your wives and do not be bitterly angry

    with them. You fathers, do not be exasperating

    your children, so that they do

    not become downhearted.” (Col. 1:1, 2;

    3:19, 21) Paul exhorted the Ephesians:

    “Let all malicious bitterness and anger

    and wrath and screaming and abusive

    speech be taken away from you.” (Eph.

    4:31) Cultivating long-suffering, mild-

    15. What will help us not to lose patience and

    become upset with our loved ones?

    ness, and self-control—aspects of the

    fruitage of God’s spirit—will help us to

    stay calm even when under stress.—Gal.

    5:22, 23.

    Should they remember that God is patient with?

    So anointed Christians, some who knew Jesus were screaming at each other. Perhaps Paul was remember his encounter with Barnabas regarding Mark.

    16. How did Jesus correct his disciples, and

    why was this so remarkable?

    16 Consider the example of Jesus.

    Imagine the immense stress that he was

    feeling at the last evening meal he had

    with his apostles. Jesus knew that within

    hours he would die a slow and painful

    death. The sanctification of his Father’s

    name and the salvation of the

    human family depended on his faithfulness.

    Yet, at that very meal, there “arose

    a heated dispute among [the apostles]

    over which one of them seemed to be

    greatest.” Jesus did not scream at them

    or express bitterness toward them. Instead,

    he calmly reasoned with them. Jesus

    reminded them that they had stuck

    with him during trying times. Although

    Satan was demanding to sift them as

    wheat, Jesus expressed confidence that

    they would prove faithful. He even concluded

    a covenant with them.—Luke 22:24-32.

    Imagine what Jesus was thinking and feeling, a perfect man? This is another case of the WTS adding to the bible.

    Keep this paragraph for the next time an elder yells…but he’ll pull out the imperfect man card.

    17. What will help children to stay calm?

    17 Children too need to stay calm. Especially

    when they reach their teenage

    years may they feel that direction from

    their parents suggests a lack of trust.

    While it may at times seem that way,

    recognize that your parents’ concern is

    an expression of their love for you. By

    calmly listening to them and being cooperative,

    you will earn their respect and will establish a

    reputation as a responsible person. Such behavior may

    well win you more freedom in certain

    areas of life. Exercising self-control is

    the course of wisdom. “All his spirit is

    what a stupid one lets out,” states a wise

    proverb, “but he that is wise keeps it

    calm to the last.”—Prov. 29:11.

    “suggests” a lack of trust? Not listening, jumping to conclusions, believing the “proof” from an outside source?

    Once again, if they are a parent they must be loving regardless of what they say or do.

    Who has the greater responsibility to stay calm, be controlled, the child or the parent?

    18. How does love result in good communication?

    18 So dear parents and children, do

    not be discouraged if the communication

    in your family is not as open as

    you would like it to be. Keep working

    at it, and keep on walking in the truth.

    (3 John 4) In the new world, perfect

    people will be able to interact perfectly,

    without misunderstandings and contention.

    Presently, though, all of us do

    things we later regret. So do not hesitate

    to apologize. Forgive freely. “Be

    harmoniously joined together in love.”

    (Col. 2:2) Love has power. ‘Love is long-suffering

    and kind. It does not become

    provoked. It does not keep account of

    the injury. It bears all things, believes

    all things, hopes all things, endures all

    things.’ (1 Cor. 13:4-7) Keep on cultivating

    love, and communication will flourish,

    bringing joy to your family and

    praise to Jehovah.

    So at what point in the “new world” will people be perfect…how long after surviving Armageddon will the great crowd be perfect? Will all be perfect at the same time, at different rates, how will others know they are now perfect, or that they themselves are now perfect?

    PICTURE: Do you listen carefully to your children? Yes, girls should go to mom, boys to dad….


    Next week, SAFEGUARD YOUR INHERITANCE BY MAKING WISE CHOICES? A journey into the OT again. So do the anointed jws picture Jacob, and the great crowd, Esau? Did you know that the oldest son got 2 portions of the inheritance, the younger only one? So that implies the other sheep get a lesser reward, inheritance.

    Love, Blondie

  • rubbeng


  • St George of England
    St George of England

    2 Generally, children love their parents, and parents love their children. This is especially true in Christian households.

    Really? So Jewish, Muslim, Buddist, Atheist families have less love than 'christian' families. Evidence?


  • Laika

    I wish my parents would make time for communication with me... But I guess this doesn't apply to non-JW children.

  • Quarterback

    Good job, Blondie

  • Julia Orwell
  • WTWizard

    And what about the time wasted in field circus? Limiting computer and/or TV time does no good if children are forced to do field circus all the time. Can parents and children really get quality time together if they are in field circus, usually with other families and in public? And what about the time they waste at the boasting sessions? Usually, there are 5 or 6 hours of time wasted on this--the equivalent of a whole TV show's worth! Plus preparing for the boasting sessions. Another TV show?

    For this, they get nothing of value. The children are taught to "be content with the present things". This is washtowel jargon for "Do without". For what? Usually, they are told that the bare necessities are enough, and anything beyond that is detrimental. That is worse than the "I am damned to be poor, and there isn't anything I can do about it" attitude that so many psychologists bash these days. I have heard people extolled for sacrificing time, so having very little time is seen as of sacrimental value or having much free time as being evil. If you have enough time and/or money to be comfortable, you need to sacrifice and joke-hova will judge you for it--is this a positive attitude? Sounds like joke-hova hates when we have a comfortable lifestyle. Reality is, you should be able to make plenty of money (not just "enough") with relatively little effort--anyone ever extol that? Anyone ever find someone that quit a low-paying job and got a much higher paying one, and was able to slash their work hours in half while being able to afford a lavish lifestyle? Never.

    Bad enough when this starts in adulthood. But when children never hear anything else, they are damned. Teach them from infancy that poverty and struggling, and even sickness, is a virtue (you slap poor Satan that much harder), and they will fulfill such without thinking about it. And, in their future lifetimes, they will automatically seek poverty (and sometimes sickness and hassle). Good parenting?

    I think I will stick with my computer and TV.

  • JW GoneBad
    JW GoneBad

    I understand the need for WT to publish this article reminding JW families in particular parents: "PARENTS, CHILDREN--COMMUNICATE WITH LOVE.'

    With the retention rate of 37% among Jehovah Witness youth, it is evident that JW Parents, especially, need to communicate with love when dealing with their children.

    A 37% retention rate demonstrates that JW parents lack the vital skills of being supportive, connecting with and understanding their own children, so much so that the youth walk away from the faith!

    Adds new meaning to the expression ....'deadbeat parents'! Very sad!

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