Greetings fellow posters:
I've been lurking/posting here for quite a while and I've decided to post a little bit about my past for anybody interested in reading. Here's my experience with the WTBTS:
THE BEGINNING
My story begins in a small, quaint town in central Ohio where my sisters and I were brought up. To somebody passing through, it looks like a nice little city to raise your children, with it's numerous rolling hills and tree lined streets. However, when I look at it, all I can remember is sadness and turmoil; Something that often accompanies a small town where everybody's personal business is known and religion controls every facit of your life.
My mother and father grew up in this small town, both coming from devout Roman Cathoic families. From what I know of their youth, they were both overachievers with bright futures ahead of them. Each was awarded full ride scholarships to Ohio University where they eventually met. Although they loved each other very much from the beginning, they had to marry much sooner than planned when they recieved news that my mother, at age 20, was pregnant for my older sister. This led to my mother dropping out of school with plans of finishing her degree later. But the demands of raising a child and making ends meet (and becoming a JW) while my dad finished shool was too overwhelming for her and she eventually lost all hope of ever going back.
Six years later, she became pregnant for me and two years later my younger sister. It was around this time, on a cold, rainy Sunday morning that she got a knock on the front door. She opened the door to find a middle aged woman named Bobby standing on her front porch. She saw the bible in Bobby's hand and wasn't interested initially, but let her step inside to save her from the chilling wind. Something about what Bobby said, something about Eternal life really sparked mom's interest. Much to my father's horror, it wasn't very long before she started studying with Jehovah's Witnesses and wanted to get baptised.
What started out as a good marriage between my mom and dad began rapidly crumbling at this point. there were endless fights between them over which religion was right and how the children would be raised. by the time I was 3 years old, my parents were divorced and my mother gained full custondy of us, raising us as Witnesses. The divorce was so bitter that my father became very distant from us, and we'd only see hime once a month which eventually stopped all together. It was a panful time in my life, but little did I know that the worst was yet to come.
MY CHILDHOOD
In many respects, I can say that I had a goood childhood. although we were very poor after dad left, mom always found time to spend with us and always mustered up enough money for piano lessons and other things we enjoyed. But the JW religion itself ended up being a very unhealthy environment for me. While my 2 sisters thrived in the religion, I always felt something wasn't right deep down inside, which I (and my family) blamed on my "lack of faith".
Feeling I had nowhere to and very misunderstood, I began to withdraw and become very depressed. While it was forbidden to have worldly friends from school, was also considered "bad association" by the JW kids (spoken & unspoken) because pioneering and bethel service weren't goals of mine. Although I was a well behaved teenager, elders would frequently pull me aside and tel me to put more effort for "like my sisters do". "You need to comment more like your sister Lara", "Your sister, Ericka, pioneered. Why aren't you?" is what I often heard from them.
The pressure to cnform became so great that I developed mild heart problems from stress and was put on medication by the time I was 16. Feeling of inadequcey became so intense that I felt I couldn't go on. The only was I could cope with the situation was by becoming a hermit, using all of my time studying for classes and pouring myself into my artwork. This, ironically, ended up causing a whole new set of problems when teachers at school approached me about applying for scholarships to different schools. College wasn't something to even be considered in my household, with the end so near and all. Sadly, I put my plans of college aside and kept pushing forward, thinking Jehovah may find some approval in his heart for me.
What finally was the last straw was due to a series of events that took place when I was 18 or 19 years old. This is when I decided to make my departure.
Coming up in part 2, my reason's for leaving and my life today.
Thanks for reading
AMarie