Niece: I'm too young to date!

by Nosferatu 7 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Nosferatu

  My 20 year old niece and my mom are the only JW relatives I have. Her mom got kicked out for smoking and my brother ended the marriage because she was a bitch anyway.

  But it's really unfortunate that my niece had to be dragged into the JWs. I really wish my brother would have put the brakes on it more. Now I'm butting heads with her. This facebook post royally pissed me off. If I would have been able to date more during my younger years, I probably would have been smarter than to marry the woman who is now my stupid ex-wife.

  Anyway, here's the post...

  I've often been presented with either the question or the comment of me not being in a boyfriend girlfriend relationship. I'm sure it's nice and all but really for me I for 1 am to young. 2 I'm not ready. And 3, just because other people have relationships does not me I have to be in one haha I have very happy on my own thank you many studies have proven that it's actually much easier on your own. I could go on and on but dating is really looking for a marriage mate and that is a HUGE decision in your life, but there is no law to have to be married or be in that kind of relationship. How could I find that special someone to spend the rest of my life with when I haven't even fully figured out who I am yet?? Who knows maybe one day he will come along and sweep me off my feet. But I already have so many friends and family who love me and I love them we might feel alone sometimes but we really never are. There is so much more in life than just worrying about a relationship. Explore new things, go on adventures, the possibilities are endless for those who are married, I admire your devotion to have such a bond with each other and have that soul mate to be a part of your life as one. Keep smiling
• 

  Gopher

  The part where she says she is not ready and has to figure out who SHE is -- that's probably spot on. Problem is, until she comes to understand that the WT Society is perpetrating a big scam, she will NEVER really figure out who she is.
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  Nosferatu

  I personally think everyone knows who they are, but they don't know how to become who they want to be. I honestly think that's just a band-aid to cover the whole "Jehovah's Witnesses are not allowed to date until they are mature" statement. If she writes that, it looks bad to all her worldly friends. By writing what she wrote, it makes her look bright and intelligent, and the responses all stroke her ego. It makes me want to puke. She truly doesn't know anything :(
• 

  jws

  OK, the problem I see is the whole dating for marriage only thing.

  Otherwise, I'd have to agree with her. Many people don't NEED a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. That takes up a significant part of your life. It's like "you! you're going to be my best friend now and we're going to commit to finding things both like to do (not necessarily our favorites) so that we can spend a lot of time together". And unlike my friends who usually just accept me when I see them, I'm going to have to work at keeping this other person happy.

  Being single can be a lot easier.

  Oh, yes, there is the romantic bits. But I don't need a long term relationship for that and she doesn't want that until she's ready to marry.

  At 20, she shouldn't be tied down to somebody.
• 

  EmptyInside

  Awww,give the girl a break. If she is only looking at other Witnesses to date,she probably doesn't have many options. At least,she isn't rushing on getting married too young,like most young Witnesses.

  That's probably the line she uses to politely turn down "worldly" guys,lol.

  She's still young,she may wake-up soon enough. Now,if she is still writing the same facebook status at 30,then,maybe be more worried about her.
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  sd-7

  Well, I'm not sure why this is such a big deal. Seems to me there's only trouble to be had with a young person who doesn't fully understand themselves or the power they wield to be dating someone. Especially with the JW mindset, marriage is sort of a thing that a young person can be tempted to shoehorn into their lives with the wrong person and far too soon, especially because it's the only way they feel they can experience sex. Or someone likes you and you're automatically thinking marriage. I guess this is an issue I have no frame of reference for except my own crap relationships that didn't turn out too well. "Only pain will you find," the way I see it.

  It can be a painful process even if marriage isn't the endgame. Being single can mean a lot more freedom, money, and peace and quiet. And Blu-ray Combo Packs. Especially the Blu-ray Combo Packs.

  --sd-7
• 

  Nosferatu

  Especially with the JW mindset, marriage is sort of a thing that a young person can be tempted to shoehorn into their lives with the wrong person and far too soon, especially because it's the only way they feel they can experience sex.

  The biggest problem I see with the whole JW dating life is that typically you do NOT end up dating multiple people, and therefore you don't learn about yourself and what you actually like in the opposite sex. When a JW starts dating, their hormones take over all brain activity. They're not allowed to masturbate, and not allowed to be remotely physical with each other unless they're contemplating marriage. Logic goes out the window, hormones run rampant, and each of them goes home with wet underwear. Then they're not supposed to masturbate to relieve the sexual tension. They feel guilty for doing that and their only way to relieve the sexual tension is to marry that person ASAP.

  On another sad topic, whenever my niece decides to tie the knot, I won't be attending the wedding. I swore to myself that I would NOT enter another Kingdom Hall for any purpose. Not only that, each of the parties in the marriage are supposed to put Jehovah first. They're not supposed to truly love each other and are conditioned to judge each other's actions.
• 

  sd-7

  The biggest problem I see with the whole JW dating life is that typically you do NOT end up dating multiple people, and therefore you don't learn about yourself and what you actually like in the opposite sex. When a JW starts dating, their hormones take over all brain activity.

  Yeah. That's spot-on. It was the one thing that frustrated me most when I pondered the concept of dating as a young adult JW in my 20s and read the 'Young People Ask' book. Hormones take over when you think someone likes you and you really want to get physical with 'em, but you can't. And then...if you break up with them, you worry there won't be another person, and, well, I know for me I got really fixated on a person who clearly wasn't right for me by any stretch of the imagination. And I was so terrified of the opposite sex that I never really got to know a lot of young women and thus didn't really get a serious look at my options before settling down.

  I guess, much as I hate to admit it, young people are so irrational that they kind of need a time where they get all of the sexual thoughts and feelings a bit more out of their system and get past that so they can appreciate the more important stuff for when they want to seriously pursue marriage. Repressing those feelings, to me, at least, makes objectively dating someone with a goal of marriage very difficult. They'd have been better off simply letting the old folks arrange the marriages--which they seem intent on doing anyway, one way or the other...

  But it's clear that this is a side of my former self I have never attempted to deconstruct objectively. It may well be more important than anything else I've done so far, to address all of that. But hey, this thread ain't about me.

  I can't blame you, as far as not attending the possible future wedding at a KH. Those were my least favorite events when I was younger...

  --sd-7