Disfellowshipped Friends

by Sunflower1982 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • Sunflower1982

    I’m sorry for filling up the boards with my mindless ramblings but, being new here, I have to so much to ask.

    Recently, two of my good friends were disfellowshipped. I feel bad for them because they were raised as JWs and now their relationship with their family and friends will cease to exist, but I also feel like this is the optimal time to talk to them about the “truth.” I’ve told them both that I love them and that I don’t care what standing they are in, but all they want is to get reinstated and become pioneers to prove that they love Jehovah just as much as everyone else.

    I don’t know what to do. I feel a sense of urgency because I know that they are at a pivotal point in their spirituality. They could see through the deception and never look back or they could lose themselves in a fight to regain acceptance in the congregation. They are already crippled by their own guilt, the last thing they need is to subject themselves to further judgement by the hypocritical brothers and sisters that govern our congregation.

    So, I my question is “How do I help them to see the detrimental nature of the organization without losing their trust (seeming like a flaming apostate)?” I know in their hearts they know something’s not right, but they have been locked in the WTBTS’ cycle of guilt and blame since they were born.

  • Francois

    Get 'em to go here and read:



  • Dawn

    Hi Sunflower:

    Well - first of all you do have a little time. The JW's generally will not re-instate before at least 6 months have passed.

    You don't want to jump on them immediately, that will just scare them off and they won't listen to you. You'll need to plant seeds a little at a time.

    First - ask them why they think they got disfellowshipped - I mean, what was the real underlying reason that caused them to loose their "spirituality". It may take them some time to really pinpoint what it was. Then go from there.

    For example - if they say they lost it because they weren't studying enough, bring up some topics they may be interested in and offer to research them together. If they refuse - ask them why, and ask for a "biblical" answer - not a Watchtower answer.

    Or if they say they spent too much time in extra-curricular activites- ask them why they believe that would cause them to loose their spirituality - couldn't they spend time on outside activities and use those as opportunitieis to develop relationships with people who could be witnessed to?? Why couldn't they do witnessing in that format - why must it be only door-to-door activitiy?

    Hopefully you can see where I'm going with this. Use their particular circumstances as a place to start - but don't over-do it. And be sure to let them know that you will be their friend no matter what they decide - unlike the JW's!!

  • AGuest

    Dearest SunFlower... may you have peace!

    A loving way would be to at least approach them on a 'common' ground. In this case, love of TRUTH just might suffice. To that end, may I suggest you first read the following and then discern whether it will be of some benefit to your friends? You never know...


    Your servant and a slave of Christ,


  • Beck_Melbourne

    Hi Sunny and I love your pic btw

    I don't know about others...but when I first left the WT...it was a couple of years before I realised the truth about the troof. Even though I was out...i was still a believer. I went to the memorial that first year and my heart ached for the unity I lost. I refused to have xmas and birthdays that first year....as it was only for pagans and worldlies LOL. I even avoided contact with known DF individuals...after all...they were DF for conduct unbecoming a christian...yeah I know....I was pathetic!!

    Now my view has changed. My brother read the COC book and he started telling me bits and pieces...which I still regarded as 'apostate' material. After a while things started falling into place...and this forum also helped me come to terms with the 'troof'. I had always had issues...but I learnt that my issues were not unique to the exjw community.

    I don't know if what I am saying is making any sense...but it is possible that your friends might still have borg mentality about apostasy...so you will need to overcome that first. Invite them to participate on this forum...or share bits and pieces from the COC book...that might help. Those are my suggestions.


  • ConnieLynn

    I agree with Beck. When I first left, I still thought it was the truth. It took me a while to de-program. I would give them some time and then help the intergrate into the real world. I used to dream some of my old friends would leave, but it hasn't happened on the scale I had hoped. I totally can relate to feeling anxious to have some old relationships. Honestly, most of the people I have known that got DF'd, went back. One got DF'd a second time though and he stayed out.

  • rhett

    You can't get them out. Its impossible. You can be there for them should they have any doubts or questions. You may even be able to offer little nuggets of truth to get them to start thinking but you can't get them out unless they want to be out. Its like alcoholics and drug addicts, you can't help them unless they want to help themselves.

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