Self-love

wonderwoman77

I posted on the belief board last week when I started reading a book by Thich Nhat Hanh. I read the chapter on self-love and was deeply moved. I know society, but especially the borg tells people to be selfless and do all these things for others and the borg, that we tend to feel awful about ourselves. We tend to loathe how we look and feel. This book called Teachings on Love talks about how to examine your body (form), perceptions, mental formations, feelings, and consciousness in order to completely love yourself. It really has many good points as well as providing meditations if one is so inclined to do those.

This chapter also discussed understanding the roots of your anger. I find that really hard because I do have anger built up in me for various reasons, but I do feel it is time to let go and I hope this book will help me with that.

How have all of you dealt with the common teachings that you must love others before loving yourself? I just find that so hard, because if you truely do not love yourself, how can you love others?

Kep

Hi Wow77,
During my borg days I was bending over backwards for each everyone in my cong. Giving and not getting, I think that resulted in me burning out bigtime.
So, as you say, how can one display love to others without, keeping some for yourself.
You have to.
Your book sounds interesting.
I have a friend who still carries so much anger and bitterness.
Let me know if it has helped you.
Kep

COMF

Thanks, 77. It isn't possible to genuinely love anyone else until you love yourself. And everything we do--EVERYTHING--is selfish. Even self-sacrifice is done because of how it makes us feel. That's as it should be.

COMF

jaded

Wonderwoman, I've been thinking about this subject for the past few days. Seems like we have all observed a lack of love in the congregations along with much gossip. I do believe this is because we are not taught to love ourselves. We are constantly told we are not doing enough for Jehovah, we are sinners deserving of death, etc. It truly is hard to love others when we have no love for ourselves. Great topic.

rhett

I generally get annoyed with needy people and have never been one to really care about making sure other people are happy or not. My friends and I have always hung out because we just want to be around each other for various reasons (of which making sure the other person is happy is not one of them).
As for personal image, though no Brad Pitt or anything I've also always been happy enough with the way I look. Then again, I've been of the opinion that its not what you got, but how you use it that'll get me by.

SPAZnik

77 - yes, self-love was the first thing i discovered had been sadly lacking in my life as a dub. it has been so refreshing to be free to give myself some of the TLC that used to go to everyone BUT me before. i've been working on that and have come a long way in a short time! one thing i found their philosophy did to me was make me constantly feel like i had to try to be PERFECT. i've since discovered that i'm not perfect and it's not the end of the world...

SPAZ

BeautifulGarbage

Hi WW77,

For myself, I have to say that I do not buy into the whole “self-love” thing. The very practical side of my personality rejects the whole concept.

Also, I think that the issue of body “acceptance” and appreciating what positive qualities, other than the aesthetics, an individual believes they possess are two separate topics.

First off: body acceptance. Beyond that, actually loving our bodies. Now, for American women, that is like climbing Mt. Everest. Quite frankly, I don’t think I will ever be able to get to the top of that place. I have a very long and complicated history with body image. However, I do much better these days. At 40, most of the time, I’m pretty much grateful that everything, for the most part, works. I’m physically healthy and can still do a cartwheel. Do I always like the way I look? Hell no! However, I sure don’t beat myself up like I used to. My priorities have changed and I have redefined what is important to me.

Now, for the “I can’t love anyone, unless I love myself first” statement. I always found that statement to be rather odd. That would require a definition of love, in my opinion. Lords knows there are probably as many definitions of love as there are posters on this discussion board. Regardless, I would have to say that I do not love myself. Most of the time, however, I DO have self-respect. I won’t go into detail about that because that it a whole topic in itself. So, I believe that SELF-RESPECT is much more important than self-love.

Anyway, so, I don’t love myself. I still LOVE my children. I still LOVE my spouse. I still LOVE my family (well, most of them anyway). I don’t need to love MYSELF in order to love others. That being stated, let me add that I think that everyone need to do those things that bring them satisfaction and meaning. Also, indulging in or buying something that is just “for me”. The need to recharge our batteries is part of the human condition. Why does something so basic have to be turned into a therapy session?

So, that’s from my perspective. Thanks for the topic WW.

Andee

wonderwoman77

Thanks for all your replies. IT is interesting to see all these perspectives on the matter.

Andee--

I know you say you do not believe in the self-love thing, but I think your self-respect is a type of self-love. And it is much more than body image... But I understand where you are coming from. I was even uncomfortable reading that chapter, but I read it twice and it made so much since to me.

AGuest

Dear WW77... peace to you!

As a 'christian' one should follow in the footsteps of the Christ 'closely'... which means to love one's neighbor AS one loves oneself. If one does not love oneself, then, one cannot, in truth, love one's neighbor.

The bottom line? Rather than 'selfless-ness' (where did THAT word even come from? I don't recall my Lord using is...), the 'rule' SHOULD be:

"All things, therefore, that you wish men to do to YOU... you should do to THEM."

How is that born out? Well, what would I want 'men' to do to ME if:

I were without shelter
I were without food/water
I were without clothing
I was sick/infirm
I was cold
I was lame
I was depressed
I was brokenhearted
I was desolate
I was destitute
I was lost
I was mourning
I was rejoicing
I was in need of consolation
I was in need of friendship
I was in need of consideration
I was in need of sympathy
I was in need of empathy
I was in need of mercy
I was in need of forgiveness...

If I were 16 years old and struggling down the street with a baby... or 60 struggling with a shopping cart... in the severe heat or rain of some regions... and there is no bus in sight...

What would I want others to do to ME in those and other instances? That, then, is what I should do when the need for me to do so presents itself in MY life. Would I pick up a perfectly healthy male who simply needed a ride from one 'stop' to another? Of course, not. He is capable. However, a young mother and babe exposed to the cold/heat or older person detrimentally exposed to the elements... what would I want if that were me?

I am not asked to give myself as a sacrifice; I am only asked to not be a hypocrite.

Peace.

A slave of Christ,

SJ

Self-love

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