Wow so here we are, April 25th. 3 years ago to this day something within me made me google my former religion. It was all the the years of doubts concentrated into one all nighter to have the veil drop like a sack of shit. And boy did I feel like shit. Those first few days, weeks, months were tough. It was like I had unplugged from the matrix and, crap, what do I do now? How do I live my life, is there a point to living, oh god I have so many issues, I'm f*cked, please God help me, there is no god, maybe... etc etc etc. You get the idea, lots and lots of questioning. Even though I knew logically the witnesses were wrong it took (and is still an ongoing process) a long time to emotionally break free. I read all the great books which helped a lot (CoC, Combatting Cult Mind Control and tons of internet). I was on these forums religiously, ha, and they helped a lot. Slowly I stopped meetings, service, JW association altogether. It got easier and easier. Then I was confronted with my personal demons again and again and learning how to live life independently.
I will save you all the details on my personal journey (or hell) but currently I am in a good place. I live on my own and have learned to enjoy my own company. I realized you have to be a little selfish and invest in yourself and things that you value and enjoy which is hard as a witness due to all the guilt. I have good relationships with my family, even those that are witnesses and it took a while but now they see me as a good person who ideologically doesn't believe in what they do. I still struggle sometimes but with issues that I feel are now removed from when I was a JW, if not coloured by some of my history in the religion.
Wanted to write this to let people who might be in those first stages know there is a positive place they can reach. Through anxiety, depression, doubts, conflicts with other JWs we all have a different journey and I realize not all of us come out of it "fixed" but there really is no "fixed". We all have our path and I am just glad that I am not living a lie and thank you to those here that helped me and continue to support others through their fades and DF/DA.