Honesty

by Defianttruth 6 Replies latest jw friends

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  Defianttruth

  As part of my journey, I have realized I must heal myself. This has brought me to to the point where I am analyzing myself so I can improve. As I sit here looking into my soul, I can say, "I am not proud of what I see."

  I am deceptive.

  I am turning inward and becoming a hermit.

  I am distancing myself from the ones I love. It is not intentional and the more I fight it the more this trait is accentuated.

  I am hateful at times to people and I do not like myself for it.

  I focus on my own hurt and let those around me down.

  I feel lonely, but when someone calls to talk it is a drag.

  I keep searching for bottom, but it feels like quick sand sucking me down with no bottom insight and the harder I kick the faster I sink.
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  Tater-T

  me too..
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  Julia Orwell

  That's the list of symptoms for depression. I've had it for years and it's under control thank goodness, but I'll never forget feeling the way you do. See your doctor. It is a treatable condition. There is hope. Also, do some research on cognitive behavioural therapy. Pm me your email address if you want me to send you some stuff or just talk.
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  talesin

  Listen up,,,original sin is a man-made concept. You were born perfect and innocent, and are healing from an horrific betrayal and trauma. You may need to 'go inside' to find some peace. All your life, you were taught that your own needs were unimportant - that is a lie. It's okay to be selfish, and focused on your SELF for once. xoxoxo

  Be gentle and kind to yourself.

  xo

  tal
• 

  Defianttruth

  Unfortunately, doctors are out for me. I would have to report it to the various organizations I work for and it would be the end of me financially. I am thinking of taking a year off and getting things straight.
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  likeabird

  Unfortunately, doctors are out for me. I would have to report it to the various organizations I work for and it would be the end of me financially. I am thinking of taking a year off and getting things straight.

  I don't know where you live, but normally employers have no right to know the details about your health problems. In fact the only reason they would know you're sick is if you take sick leave. If you consult a Dr outside of work hours and take medication your emploter needn't be any the wiser.

  You're health, be it mental or physical is too precious to put on hold. Do you not have health coverage with your employment?

  (My apologies if I misinterpreted what you wrote)
• 

  Mum

  What you and Tater are going through is, IMHO, normal for someone in your situation. I remember the days before my escape from the cult. I was hit with the realization that I had bee a better person before becoming a JW. I had turned into a mean, judgmental, wretched human being. I remembered the days when people liked me for who I was, and I was not that person anymore.

  I recommend reading Your Erroneous Zones by Dr. Wayne Dyer. It tells you how to deal with negative emotions and can start you on the journey of thinking for yourself and no longer worrying about what others think of you. In my case, it gave me "permission" to break free of the things that were bringing me down. Much of the content of this book is what I consider common sense or common knowledge, but not to JW's.

  If you can't get medical treatment, reading some self-help books can be a good start.

  Can you move to another state? That's what finally got me free.