Shame & Guilt...applied to religious abuse

by cog_survivor 3 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  cog_survivor

  I've been listening to a CD book by Brene Brown who is a "Shame Researcher". She has a couple of fantastic presentations on TED that got me interested (google "TED" and "Brene Brown" if curious).

  But I was struck by how much my cult experience caused me to internalize shame and call it guilt. I love how she simply states, "Guilt says, 'I made a mistake'. Shame says, 'I am a mistake'" I've spent a heck of a lot of time thinking I was a mistake because I couldn't be perfect the way the cult taught. So I got stuck in this unrelenting cycle of trying to repent of who I was (as defined by the cult) and never being successful.

  If anyone else has had this same problem I can't recommend her work highly enough.
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  hoser

  I'll take a look. Another great book is The Subtle power of spiritual abuse. It talks along the same lines. Abusive families and religions use shame to control people.

  The reason we feel worthless is because that is what we've been told that we are by the religion.
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  cog_survivor

  Thanks Hoser, that is a good book. It really helps define what spiritual abuse is.

  I think what I like so much about Brene Brown's work is that she uses evidence based research to define shame, but then she goes further to explain the different ways people react, and actions we can take to counteract it.
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  Julia Orwell

  The WT specialises in Guilt by making you feel like you're never good enough. There is always that urging to do more in the field service, more study, and more return visits, Bible studies etc...you're just not good enough doing what you do! You're defined by what you do, not who you are, and because you can never truly do all they say, then you are crushed by guilt.

  When you do something good, and someone says, why didn't you do something great?

  And when you do something great, and someone says, "Could you have made it brilliant?"

  And when you pour your heart into something and someone says, "Are you SURE that was your best effort? Always, there's this second-guessing of your motives and zeal. Always, there's this urging to do yet MORE, even when you are at the end of your limit.

  You do become ashamed of who are failing to be! This is what the WT thrives on, keeping you on that treadmill to try to gain the approval of a god who's never happy with how much you do and by extension who you are.