The one thing I have to thank JWs for is the endless supply of stories.
I grew up in a small town about an hours drive from the nearest city. It was a huge rural territory that attracted a lot of miss-fits from elsewhere. One I remember was a morbidly obese, forever single, unemployed pioneer sister who was famous for coming late to meetings – like during the last paragraph of the Watchtower study. She would make her way to the second row from the front, heft her brontosaurian girth sideways through the audience, and sit down with her feet on the seat under her. Then her hair would come out. For the last five minuets of the meeting she would lose it and run her fingers straight up in the air through all its thick, home-dyed glory.
She was also famous for befriending seriously troubled people in the territory. One summer she came across Sally*, who like herself was obese and going through a hard time. Sally accepted a bible study, but soon announced it would have to stop. Sally was losing her apartment and had to leave town. Well, it wasn’t long before Sally had moved in with this sister – into a cramped bachelor suite in a rundown rental building known as the ‘animal house’. They shared a bed.
Sally had started coming to meetings. Now, us kids knew something was up. Sally was an especially ugly lady. Remember that episode of the Simpsons when Homer gets so fat he wears a dress? Well, this lady could’ve been his double. My best friend used to joke that she was probably a man, but that stopped when my mom overheard us and flipped out.
As the months passed Sally got back on her feet and was able to rent her own apartment. A congregation house-warming party was organized, the Community Hall was rented, and Sally was showered with gifts and ‘warm Christian love’.
Some time after this, odd things started to happen. Whenever Sally got up at the Kingdome Hall to use the bathroom, an elder would follow. Then, someone saw Sally using the men’s washroom. Then, Sally was gone.
Yes, Sally was a man. Yes, Sally had spent months sharing a bed with one of our most notable pioneer sisters. Yes, this was very funny to us kids.
*Some names have been changed