Difficult Conversations

by jonno12225 5 Replies latest jw friends

  • jonno12225

    Morning all. If you have read my previous posts you will know of the final stage of my fade is complete, with no longer attending meetings anymore. With that in mind, do you have any suggestions to how to handle those conversations raised by familiy and friends about leaving?

    To give an example, I went to visit a friend yesterday whos wife died about 8 months ago of a brain tumor. One of the arguement he presented was along the lines of 'if you had to bury your wife, you would pray/believe in God as I did'.

    My wife has made a similar statement again along the lines of 'if something bad ever happened to you you would believe in God....'

    The difficulty I have at the moment is that my friends/ family and wife dont seem to understand what they are saying.

    When leaving you become aware of logical fallicies, circular reasoning when presenting an arguement and your mind listens to what is said.

    Consider my friend who has gone through a really bad time and continues too. My logical mind breaks down what he says to this.... 'Even though God has created the means to which cancer can replicate, even though he could of taken it away and cured my wife, even though she died in the most horrendous way possible and left a husband and 3 young children, I still believe in this God because he has a purpose and I have a hope in seeing her again'.

    Even my wifes reasoning leaves me cold.

    We had a big arugement last night. Again the conversation changed from talking about the subject to an emotional exchange about my motives. I had to, for the first time, pull here up as to what she had done in shutting the conversation down and shifting it to my motives. All hell broke loose then....

    I have hurt her and she feels betrayed by me and I can understand how she feels.

    I know Ive gone slightly off topic but Im feeling crap this morning...

    Back to the topic, how best to handle difficult conversations when you can see the logical fallicies, inaccuricies presented by the other person, but you know that to challenge will cause an arguement?

  • Satanus

    'Back to the topic, how best to handle difficult conversations when you can see the logical fallicies, inaccuricies presented by the other person, but you know that to challenge will cause an arguement?'

    Perhaps, asking questions about those. Less direct questions would stand less chance of their apostate alarms going off.

    W regard to wives, i have heard that reassuring them that you are still the same person and that you will still be there for them helps them feel calmer when there are difficult conversations.


  • grumblecakes

    there are no easy answers for this.

    everyone wakes in their own time. when my dad died, i was 100% unwilling to doubt anything other than that which supported the ressurection doctrine, i clung to it for dear life.

    in my deepest unspeakable despair, as i watched my mom slowly and painfully die, i thought "there can be no god". i never prayed again. after that i allowed myself to start questioning, but even then it was a process. its quicker for some than others. you just hsve to be patient with her.

    i dont really know how best to handle these conversations, other than just be patient, slow, and loving.

  • Aussie Oz
    Aussie Oz

    I am taking it your wife is still JW?...

    If thats the case I think you will always have difficult conversations. In her mind you have betrayed her by cutting the 3 fold cord...and normal transmissions will not resume till you reconnect that jehovah fellow into the marriage.


  • Phizzy

    I feel it is always best to err on the side of kindness and love for the person you are taliking to, rather than being "right", justifying your position.

    This is especially true with your wife. Let her know you love her, and do not wish to hurt her, but that you are where you are as a person, and you ask that she is as kind to you as you are to her in future, mutual love and respect.

    With someone like your friend who lost his wife, obviously treading on eggshells is called for.

    With other believers, JW or not, what I do is say something along the lines of "I am now a rationalist, I need proof that stands up to scrutiny before I will trust that something is true, if you can provide that proof, then I am with you".

    You may have to define "proof" for them, the fact that they have long and dearly held beliefs does not make such beliefs true. The kind of proof you desire is the kind that would satisfy a "Jury" of sceptical non-believing experts.

    But, remember, you always put the onus on them, you do not have to justify anything, please remember too, love and kindness first.

  • SunnyDays

    It's often been said through history: "There are no atheists in foxholes"

    For some, prayer and religious belief helps in hard times - is it nothing more than a placebo? Who can say, but YOU?

    Phizzy gives you great advice and I can't add much to it.

    "Do" and "Believe" whatever works for you and helps you through at the time.

    During the difficulty is not really the time to analyze.

    You can solidify you thoughts and feelings after. There is always time. Religion makes you feel as if you need to decide NOW. You don't.

    There is always time.



    (Working night shift - hope I'm understanding your plight.....If nothing else, please know I am thinking of you.)

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