A coworker of mine who is married to a JW and I were sitting at break and he asked me why is it that JW's don't shun you for your lifestyle instead of a label they paste upon you. I kind of knew what he meant but I asked him for some details. He went on to explain the situation of one of his in-laws.
This 3rd generation JW person has 3 kids all of whom were baptized as teenagers. (All are in their mid to late 20's now)
Kid #1 was disfellowshipped 5 years ago for having sex with his fiance a week before the wedding. He has been married to this same girl since then and is doing well for himself but he has made no real attempt to get reinstated but has no real conflicts with his parents beliefs.
Kid #2 married a JW when she was 18, divorced him at 20 and pretty much quit attending meetings except for the occasional assembly or memorial. She married a Marine at 22 and he died in combat 11 months later. About 6 months later she took up living with a boy she knew in school and has fathered a kid with him. She has no interest in her childhood faith.
Kid #3 has never married and pretty much took the college and career path. She is doing quite well and declares herself to be agnostic and says religion is mostly a pile of steaming B.S., especially the JW's.
When this in-law's wife had a large "gathering" at their family home recently for a fellow members baby shower, all three kids were at the house. People freely chatted with the kids 2 and 3 but shunned kid #1.
This non-JW co-worker said this didn't make any f****in sense to him at all. He said "They are not shunning someone like they did in the bible. The bible says to quit fellowshipping with someone who is a believer and is practicing or living an immoral lifestyle. While I am not a believer, I can understand what that bible citation is saying. My nephew made one mistake and has since lived, according to their teachings, a clean lifestyle.
"My two nieces have and continue to practice what their teachings state is a reason to shun someone, yet they have free access to roam and chat with other JW's. So it is obvious to me that you are not shunned for your lifestyle, instead you are shunned for your label which is assigned to you by the elders. And they really think that I would join such a religion that practices such an obvious error in practice?"
So this non JW fellow can clearly see the obvious. It is not about lifestyle that makes you "bad", it's about what label you are assigned from the ones in charge of label assignment.