Wow after all this years I never seen this stated exactly how I been thinking all these years about my father how unfair it all was!!
http://jwsurvey.org/cedars-blog/we-will-decide-who-is-a-predator-new-watchtower-instructions-to-elders-on-child-abuse
How he acts and thinks: Even if he does deny it now as a claim that what he did was to save me from his lifestyle being a crossdresser and I would live happier with my mom's family (what bull crap, he just repeated what I told him that I was fine and had my grandparents but I also felt abandoned by him and his family as well). I gave him the benefit of the doubt because how could anyone live with the thought they touched their own child with their privates... discusting!! I was only 5 years old so honestly it has no effect as far as remembering the inccident at all, that's why I can talk about it freely, to a degree, because honestly I'm a normal person and the only thing that bothers me is being looked at as the broken person who had bad childhood. I had a wonderful childhood honestly, after my mom left my dad, we stayed away from all that and I had the best father figure ever, my grandpa. :)
My problem I deal with: Any who... I did battle with relationships after I was old enough to date and marry. I was flighty then cause I lost alot of weight and well gained a bet of confidance when guys paid attention to me. I guess after getting in trouble with an xJW I then started up my feelings of guilt and shame and then I connected love with sex which wasn't good but it happened. What I'm saying is even though you don't think your past will have an affect it does. I went to counciling and found that out. I came on JWN too and found that out with a retired councilar.
Relating to the topic: But going back to the topic, here is were it's different with other cases I been reading on here. The elders were not against my mom going to the police about this all they requested is that the courts were to be private to public as to not bring a bad name on the Jehovah's Witnesses. My mom I beleive though was too meak about the whole thing, her deep love for my father and my fathers meek act... He is the one that confessed to her about the whole thing and then the court reviled more about the inccident then anyone would have liked Yuck!, regardless she still only wanted him to be charged for the molestation not the full charges that went on and on.
His thinking when confessing what went through his thoughts: He says he learned his lesson and after examining other imates, and dealing with immates he learned that people who were true predators always ended up back in jail and made the same mistake. To prove he was innocent he would have to never go back and prove his good behavior... raise a family and start a new life. (That's what he pictured in his head anyways.)
My battle in understanding: The catch for me is why lie about molesting or child abuse to me why not choose another crime; he said because he wanted my mom to hate him and leave him... ok well what about the evidance from my doctors, etc.; he said I did it to myself and that crime investgaters will do any crime work to find even the smallest evidence to fit the case(in the moment I bought it and it was only because I truly wanted to believe him but the next day I pondered on this over and over and still to this day I have a small sad feeling he was lieing). See how evil manipuation is... ahh why can't he just be honest. If he just say yes I did it, I had a problem and I'm dealing with it. I would love and respect him that much more. Gee I wouldn't treat him harshly because I know he loves me and had pain about the whole thing (I would treat him as I would anyone that had a problem and just not incorage the bad behavoir, avoid him from being alone with my childern for example) but now that I feel he has lied all I can feel is anger and distance again.
Then two weeks later after the side of his story was told in 2008 (I was reinstated less then 4 months earlier that year) I went down a bad spiral again and well got disfellowshipped.
2010 A letter from my father after inviting him to my wedding that just makes me so angry to think he judges me in this way and yet with all he's done!!! (but I forget his in lala land and in his world his innocent)
....Although ideally we'd want to be with you on this occasion (and who wouldn't want to go to Florida?), Your "circumstances" have put us in a conflicting situation and I'm just in no position to commit to being able to make the trip financially (((WE told him we'd pay for his hotal and with 6 months to plan))) and there's still the matter of your Facebook postings in strong support of apostate opinions and teachings which have directly hampered and deeply hurt the JW side of your family (both on my side and your mother's) and have even left your younger sister and brother, who have looked up to you for a long time, feeling a bit hurt.
Truth be told, it would be unthinkable for anyone on my side of the family (Your Grandparents, Uncles, Aunts, nieces and nephews) to give consideration to either celebrate or attend your wedding or reception and their hearts mourn over the fact that this is so, as my heart mourns. We have very limited, almost non-existent, contact with non-JW relatives because they live lifestyles that are Scripturally disapproved by Jehovah and thus have made themselves "bad association".
You know I love you and I've been crossing the line by my continued communications with you because, as your father, I can't help it. (((Wow what BS he never contacted me just once to tell me a relative was in town and that was it!! After 2 years.))) I so desparately want you to never forget I love you... no matter the future.
I hope time will heal your broken heart and that you will come to terms with the things have driven you away from all of us and that Jehovah will make a way for you, if you really want it. (((How spiritual he is to say all these things.. rolling my eyes)))
Thanks again, for inviting us to this special occasion. I hope to meet your husband oneday.
I love you.
- Dad
Presently, my poor mom is looked at as spiritually weak as my father looks like a man that just disappeared and reappeared with a warm welcome. My father is honestly a people person and talks well. He is funny, good looking, and now has the perfect picture family.... well with a dark secret (that I told all you guys about ) And I am well aware of this being a post I can't erase but hey at least I didn't put names on here.
Anywho my point of all this is lifes not fair and I may have not had it that bad but I sure did go through unnessary crap because of the Jehovah's Witness roll in our lives!!
And who knows what happens if he has done it to my sister or brother... not saying he has but what if, and just got better about hiding it. What if his crossdressing one minute then changing those clothes to a suite and walking up to your door and preaching to you... hahaha well sorry I thought it was funny. (no offence) I love my dad don't get me wrong but I also think something needs to be done about the policies, balancing it... or really just not handling it at all... geez let the professionals take this all in.