Murder by dog.....murder by shunning

alamb

hmmmmm............ Although a lot of factors weigh in on a person's reaction to shunning, who is guilty in the end?
I was wondering what the Bryant's JW family are thinking, but reverting to my old JW rationale, "that's what happens when you leave the organization." I am horrified at what I could rationalize for the society.
Maybe Dave and the rest who attended the services can help someone in the family who was reconsidering JW policies.

picosito

When I DA'd myself I was already shunning THEM, so they could be under MY feet and not ME under THEIR feet. It's worked. I feel really free and am recovering well from all the emotional and mental crap I suffered under THEM.

I know a couple of JWs who still consider me their friend and don't give a crap about official WT policy. Maybe some day they'll give it the boot also.

Satanus

Pico

I gather that you don't shun the jws that are still your friends. I was just wondering how you explain the difference.

SS

Beck_Melbourne

Hi alamb...how are you doing??

I don't know if I'm on the right track or not...but I think most JWs don't feel guilty about the shunning...they think it is 'us' who have the problem...because we should know better...and we knew what was in store if we continued to be non-conforming. It makes me sick to be honest!

My family didn't feel any guilt for shunning me...although they did feel uncomfortable in my company. My mother continued to have contact with me...but it was only when I approached her and would initiate the contact. She never called to ask me how I was...and when I did call her...she never once said "and how are you my daughter??" Those words would have meant a lot to me at that time. Even in recent discussions with her...she feels justified in her reaction to my situation...she thinks she was more then fair and kind...because she did at least talk to me. My sister on the other hand...totally refused to talk to me....she did that 'talk to the hand' motion....and guess what?? Thats exactly what I did back to her...and we didnt talk for 12 months. Now we are talking again...because she has become inactive...so her christian trained conscience isn't kicking in...so she says. But truth is...she missed me...and she knew I missed her....and so we managed to pick things up where we left off. We talk exactly like we used to...and we're both happy with that. But does she feel guilty about those 12 months of shunning?? No way in the world...she felt it was done with Jehovah's blessing [>:(] We'll just see about that!!! I'm working on her

Beck

chezza

Hi alamb,
Very interesting point here, although it was hard to shun certain ones like your imediate family and friends, you had it drummed into you that they were in the wrong and that they needed to come back to jehovah. I'm sure that there are plenty of witnesses out there who still talk to ones that the congregation decided should be shunned. At this point in time my mother and one of my sisters still shun me and to be truthful with my feelings i would have to say that even if the societys viewpoint was to change and they could feel guilt free about talking to me and tried to i would not want to talk to them, when i needed them the most when i was going through the pain that led to me being disfellowshipped they didnt care, so now i have become hard hearted to them.

teejay

alamb,

Suppose I was Robert Bryant's relative.

If I was an active and loyal JW (like I once was) and had shunned him (as I did my own sister for many years), I would feel very little guilt for either shunning him and little responsibility for what *he* did.

I would most likely think that what he did was evidence of his "worldliness" and lack of spiritual maturity that led to him arguing with the elders in the first place.

_________________________________

Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons. - Ruth Ann Schabacker

alamb

I agree with you.
But looking at it from this side, I wish we could have reached them in time and shown some of the support that is out here. That is the sad part. The internet is the greatest tool to combat the isolation of shunning to come down the pike. Community is back, watch out. Look what happened with the UN issue. That alone would have taken years to expose and change....and been a longshot. How long did it take Hawk and others to pull it off...2 weeks?
Look how far we've come!!!!!!!!! I'm not going back. And I am grateful for the community of the board.
Thanks guys.

Hey Beck, long time to write! I'm hanging in. I think of you every day though. Thanks for the help.

Beck_Melbourne

Hi again alamb

Thanks for your kind words. btw..I can't access hotmail from work sometimes...it is our sensitive network...I'm lucky to have access to this forum sometimes...but even then it is volatile.

I was thinking more and more about that guilty feeling...and I have to confess...that I shunned my brother for a good number of years. He was DF a couple of years before I left...and I remember crossing the street when I saw him coming....and yes...I felt so guilty...but he says it wasn't me doing it to him...it was 'borg mentality'... which is exactly how it was. My thinking was not my own...I was conforming

The borg turned me into a horrible person....and when I left...it was the very one I had turned my back on who showed me love, kindness and understanding. I can remember like it was yesterday my mother's words...'why don't u go and stay with your brother??'. My mother btw owns two properties...she lives in one and rents out the other...and despite the fact that she knew I had nowhere to go...she couldn't offer me shelter. NOW???? Things have turned right around....since I've left...I'm happier then a pig in sh*t I still feel guilty sometimes...regarding the shunning of my brother...but he is much happier now also, and he has forgiven me...couldn't ask for more.

Beck

Murder by dog.....murder by shunning

Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons. - Ruth Ann Schabacker

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