The shift: from follower to wanting to leave

by paradisebeauty 48 Replies latest jw experiences

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  JamesThomas

  Paradise,

  You wisely mentioned your “shift in thinking” and “change in ideas”. Will you be content with exchanging old thoughts and ideas for different ones, or is there a deeper change or 'awakening' ahead?

  As a JW we derive a great deal of our identity from the words (thoughts and ideas) written on the pages of the Bible, and other peoples interpretations of these words. As non-JW's we generally formulate our identity out of more or less different interpretations, thoughts and ideas. Our story may change, but we remain living a story.

  Perhaps it is time for the real shift; or at least know that there is such a thing.
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  Giordano

  Paradisebeauty and FayDunaway

  If your going to continue to lead a faith based life may I suggest that you consider a church that has a women pastor if that would be of interest to you. And who would be open to any of the beliefs you would like to retain.

  Based on what you posted a Unitarian Universalist is closest to what you discussed.

  "We are people of all ages, people of many backgrounds, and people of many beliefs. We create spirituality and community beyond boundaries, working for more justice and more love in our own lives and in the world.

  Unitarian Universalism affirms and pro motes seven Principles, grounded in the humanistic teachings of the world's religions. Our spirituality is unbounded, drawing from scripture and science, nature and philosophy, personal experience and ancient tradition as described in our six Sources. "

  http://www.uua.org/beliefs/what-we-believe/principles
  

  While many major
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  LHS123

  Hi paradise beauty, just to say I am in a very similar position to you, this week has been like an awakening and is a very painful process. On the other hand it feels great to finally allow myself to acknowledge my doubts and research them instead of saying to myself something like "that each teaching doesn't seem quite right to me....but,.I must be weak and need more faith, I'll just go along with it and hope it falls into place". For me the big things are shunning esp. family, blood, 1919 (don't think it has any scriptural backing now), birthdays and all none jws will die! Now I'm researching it's amazing how quickly long held beliefs seem so false, it just takes a scratch beneath the surface, shocking - now we know why we were told not to read anything else other than WT stuff on any important matter! Having said that the guilt is ever-present for me. It's helped me to write down how I'm feeling on each subject today, and maybe I'll look back and see my progress of awakening. Its really helping me to know I'm not lone, hope it helps you too.
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  Giordano

  John Aquilla I left this thread and when I got back to it there was a tremendous explosion.....my sound was turned way up!

  I'm thinking what the hell was that..........then I remembered JA sent us a landmine blowing up which I was expecting when I saw the clip....... but not when I was further along on this thread and it was out of sight and out of mind. Coffee all over my keyboard LOL.
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  John Aquila

  Magnum

  I really enjoyed your experience on waking up. At one point I did the same thing. I prayed and prayed to God to give me an answer if the JWs had the truth. Of course I got no answer. I guess I was expecting a voice or something like that. So I kept researching and learning about 607 BC. The more I learned the more I realized I had been tricked, not for a few years but for a lifetime. That’s hard to swallow.

  Recently I had a Jw friend who was in a minor accident, not anything serious but by the time he reached the hospital he needed blood badly. Long story short, the elders convinced the wife no blood and he died. My friend could have easily lived another 20 years and enjoy his wife, kids, and just life in general. Now the wife was convinced to pioneer as if that will help. And I see other JWS wasting their life going door to door, attending tons of meetings and conventions.

  I sometimes wonder if my prayer was answered. It’s one of those things that I can go either way. Yes he did-no he didn’t. One thing for sure, that organization is a dangerous place to be in. You can lose your life literally or lose your life, (time wise by wasting it)

  Either way, I’m still glad I found out even at 60.
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  fiddler

  I've been out for 17 years now but I look back at how one week I was a 'forever JW' and the next looking around at an assembly and shaking my head that I'd fallen for such craziness for so many years. In actuality it was also a gradual awakening but a critical mass was reached and yes, like an explosion the scales came off my eyes in what I call my 'aha moment'. I've never gone back but I will warn you that there were trigger words probably instilled in you and when those triggers are pulled a moment of fear might grip you. For me it was listening to the news and hearing the phrase 'peace and security'. Giving yourself a chance to take a deep breath and think logically on things you'll be able to see things like this as just very common phrases that were appropriated by the Watchtower society...like the word 'apostate' that to anyone else is a pretty benign word but to a JW strikes absolute fear in the mind.

  May your journey be filled with wonder!
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  John Aquila

  Giordano

  I'm thinking what the hell was that.;;; Coffee all over my keyboard

  LOL, it’s a little reminder of our first encounter with TTATT

  It just blows you away.
  
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  paradisebeauty

  Hi LSH123,

  I am so glad you wrote.

  I am also in doubts with most of the doctrines you wrote about. And the thought that all people who are not jw will be destroyed, bothers me, too. There is no way God can think like that.

  I think the advice people give here, to take it slow and not let elders or people in cong know yet, is very good.

  We need to research and by ourselves the truth about what the Bible truly says. Until now, we've been mostly indoctrinated to believe laws and ideas of men...

  Take care of yourself and feel free to pm me any time :)
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  JWdaughter

  When I was a kid, I was a gung ho JW-that was the only acceptable kind of JW to be, of course. But some things just didn't make sense-even to an 8 year old. Soon, I came across an entire library of JW stuff going back to the beginning (aunt was storing it at our house) and I realized that there was a lot of whackadoodle stuff. Still believe that the basics (then taught) were true-ish. Then I started seeing things in the bible that really conflicted with what they were teaching-and I was more open to thinking for myself. By the time I was 15, my view of Jesus had nothing to do with WT teaching. I never was baptised-and don't let them suck you any further into this! You can hesitate all you want because there is no looming date and this is about your relationship with GOD not any religion or organization. Keep that in mind and you don't have to do anything drastic, one way or the other. Settle, get your equilibrium back and take some deep breaths. It's going to be ok, I promise.
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  paradisebeauty

  @ JamesThomas,

  It is interesting that you talk about a story, was wondering if you read anything by Debbie Ford, I know she has some interesting books on psychology, - I've been planning to read a particular book by her, but did not find the time, yet.

  I am a person who believes that God exists, that he cares for us and that he gave Jesus as our savior. And I believe the Bible is the word of God.

  I believed these things before my encounter with jw's. I believed them even if my parents were not religious. I found a bible when I was a kid and starting reading it, and listened very closely whenever people were saying something of God.

  My believe in God has little to do with the jw's, I think on the contrary, they made me feel further away from God.

  My awakening is about the fact that they are not the representatives of God, and some (or most) of their doctrines are not supported by the Bible. And their spirit is Pharisaic. Their spirit and attitude has so much more to do with the pharisees in the Bible than with Jesus. How did I not see this earlier? I actually saw it ... but have no idea what I was thinking or hoping ...