Sonofthe Trinity, it would be interesting to hear your wife's views on your behavior. She may well view you as the toxic party.
It really sounds like your marriage has deteriorated into both sides adopting negative response styles that inflame matters and show the lack of reciprocal respect and goodwill. And children witness two adults communicating in willfully negative ways!
You're playing an age old game children play who, when caught, cry, "But (s)he started it!"
Surely the aim would be to refuse to stoop to the other party's negative tactics by exhibiting behavior that is consistent with your values and engenders self -respect by not making matters worse. There are some helpful resources on communication when the "other" side uses negative tactics.