Perhaps you have an online reputation as the meanest badassed Troll Buster west of the Mississippi? Even you can learn from the (-drum roll-) `Serial Troll' !
Trolls who hijack topics are despised creatures who have been categorized by experts in the field of Trollology. There's the "Vaguely Related Troll" who is the most successful in hijacking really good and meaningful topics. This category of troll is identifiable by their use of the following modus operandi:
"Start out with a comment about the article. Have a definite opinion of it. Then, after a little while, disintegrate into randomness. All roads eventually can lead to cheese (yum), Natalie Portman, cannibalism, toasters, squirrels, futons, you name it. All it takes is a little bit of creativity. Oh, and feel free to use other trolls' motifs. Open source and all that."
However, the `Serial Troll' really steals the show:
"Write a story. Keep expanding it. It doesn't matter what article you post it under, so long as it's high up. If you want people to recognize you, pick a couple themes or symbols, and carry them on throughout the story. Other alternatives include back linking or including the entire story, but adding more each time. Be funny if you want. Or if you don't feel like being funny, just be really weird. Someone will react."
Unfortunately Trolls get old real fast, like the flash in the pan; or like the one night stand who often, on the second encounter, stops giving good Troll. This is when the moderators step in to kick the trolls out of the proverbial bed. The Troll How To guide advises such trolls: "Finally, when all else fails and your troll gets moderated down to (-1, Troll) within ten seconds of you posting it, the only honourable thing to do is to accuse the moderators of smoking the cheap $3 crack (again) and give up."
Trolls come in all shapes and sizes.
The "right-wing troll" - described as "Always popular, the right-wing maniac (RWM) is a God-fearing, gun-toting, flag-waving American, and proud of it. They don't care about the rest of the world, unless it's to "prove" that America is better than everything else, and they cannot stand liberal whining over civil rights. They hate the moral decay of America and want it to revert into a nation of heterosexual, Christian whites like it was meant to be. Woe betide anyone that dares to suggest otherwise."
The "Religion troll" - civilized posters are forewarned "There are two ways to approach this kind of maniac. The harder to pull off is the militant atheist, but this is quite common amongst /. posters and you would have to be very offensive to get this to work. Of course with religion trolls, the argument can go on for ever once it's started... The more common approach is the Christian fundamentalist. They are ignorant, intolerant and bigoted in the extreme. For them the Bible is the inerrant word of God revealed to man - it contains no flaws and no contradictions. Thus they are strict Creationists - mentions of evolution or cosmology will set them off on vitriolic rants. Flaming denunciations of anyone daring to contradict the "Word of God" are the way to go, and any kind of proof can always be ignored by appealing to "secular humanist brainwashing". And let's not forget, the USA is the greatest nation on Earth because it has the righteous power of Jesus Christ behind it."
Finally, there are "Expert trolls" and "Offtopic trolls" - the latter "like any other, come in almost as many colours as an iMac, but generally not as cute. But then again, a good offtopic "troll" can affect more people than a repulsive little gumdrop on your desk, because you need to have someone SEE your desk before they can react. Simple? Moreso than even my overblown prose could indicate."
To learn about the former kind, and get a complete education on trolling that will earn you equivalent credits at some irreputable institutions to a BST (Bachelor of Science in Trolling) or MBATC (Master of Business Administration in Trolling Communications), follow this link:
http://www.geocities.com/spiralxuk/old/howto.html
Have fun, Simon, you'll get a lot of encouragement to continue troll busting.
:)
Derrick
To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour.
-- William Blake (Auguries of Innocence)