Theocratic Warfare?

by outsmartthesystem 3 Replies latest jw friends

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  outsmartthesystem

  I think my wife might be employing a bit of theocratic warfare on me. Either that or I am being overly paranoid. But both are definite possibilities. A while back a had a talk with her and told her why I decline to go to "congregation get-togethers". I explained and asked her to put herself in my shoes. I said "imagine if you were a former Mormon......and you did a lot of study and came to the conclusion that your religion was a sham. Would you want to go to get-togethers where all in attendance are Mormons who are constantly talking about their righteous Mormon beliefs?" She reluctantly said she understood.

  Well......I now find her becoming "friends" with people she has never liked before. Constantly taking the kids over to their homes........going to every single get together that anyone throws (she used to be picky) at either congregation (our city has 2 congregations).......going to meetings that are in another townd......going out to eat afterwards etc etc. A couple years ago, she complained that I never come home for lunch (when I am at work). At that time I lived 20 minutes from my office. I tried to explain that the logistics of the situation just weren't conducive to me coming home for lunch. She disagreed and told me I was just being difficult. Well.....we have moved. I now live scarcely more than 5 minutes from the office. As such.....I started coming home for lunch. Perhaps one day out of the week she and the kids will be there. Other than that they are always gone. I brought up to her that when I couldn't come home for lunch......she wanted me to. And now that I can.....and do come hoem for lunch......her and the kids are always gone. She got angry and said that I was being selfish.....expecting her and the kids to arrange their days based on my lunch schedule. Alas.......when I add everything up...........I fear that she is doing all she can to keep the kids away from me. Am I being crazy for thinking this?
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  Hermano

  You have reason to be concerned. Sounds like she's creating a bubble life separate from you. Maybe she felt alianated from you and now that you have voiced your apostate opinions she feels justified in pulling away. Maybe she's cementing her own little support group. It's also possible she's being advised by some to show loyalty to the Organization. It's possible that she thinks she has to keep the kids away from you so you don't corrupt them.

  I'd recommend counseling. Also, don't think that the counselor will focus on the religion as the reason for all the problems. That's an easy mistake to fall into.
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  JWOP

  Sounds like you need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your wife. Tell her that you aren't trying to be selfish, it's just that family time is important to you, and maybe you and she could regulary schedule two or three days out of the week in which you can all be together for lunch. Perhaps you and your wife could also set up a "date night" once a week to help you reconnect. These aren't unreasonable requests; if she is sincere towards your marriage then she shouldn't have a problem with these things.
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  NOLAW

  Heart to heart talk? IMO be VERY strict with her. You are the head of the family and she has to obey you. Go to those get-togethers but force her with your authority as head of the family to join similar get-togethers with non-jws christians whose beliefs are close to jws-I hope you have such friends.