So there is a young woman, over 18 years old. She refuses to get her driver's license. She lives in an area where the nearest "town" is 15 miles away. There is no public transportation. Worse, the adults that surround her have said throughout her underaged years (and now too), "We aren't pushing her to drive."
Growing up, these adults also didn't push her into Kindergarten. When she cried on her first day of school, they coddled her and brought her back home. She didn't go to Kindergarten.
When she was about 10 years old, she came to visit. I took her to a fast food restaurant. At the end of our meal, she wanted an ice cream. I gave her enough cash and told her to go get it herself. She was terrorized. She couldn't do it. She said that her grandparents always ordered for her.
Her one grandparent, who was a main caregiver, is the type that don't trust anyone else to watch over kids. It's a "don't trust outsiders" type household. At first I was like "OK, with all the kidnappings that isn't a bad idea." But, taken to an extreme, it's not good as I am seeing now.
All the way through her younger teenaged years, she didn't work. She even refused to carry a purse.
She got her learner's permit, but will not get the real thing.
So, this young lady recently had a baby out of wedlock. She went through tough birth. Her "boyfriend" has a driver's license, but can't drive. He has no car. He's wrecked every car he's had. He's super possessive. I wonder if she holding back on driving, because he isn't able to drive.
Now, some of the adults around her want her to "grow up",and they want her to go to college and lose this jerk. I don't know how she's going to go to college, if she can't drive. But they are not "pushing" her to get a driver's license. Partly, becuase she has a fit when they mention the subject. Partly, becuase they are wanting her to recover. But, to be honest, I kind of think these are delay tactics for them too.
It seems, that the adults around her also don't want her to get a job. If I mention it, I get some pushback. They say, "Oh, she's a great mother." Well, the man hasn't worked much, and when he did, he didn't give her (or baby) any money. When I mention, "She's also going to have to be a provider, a father, for this child." That gets me silence. She'd qualify for free child care and welfare assistance if she worked. Of course, the mention of outside child care, well, that throws the overly protective adults into a tizzy.
It's like they want to keep her in an infantile state. But, by keeping her a child, they have destroyed her self confidence. She's so much more likely to accept a jerk.
I read the thread by "Rocky Girl" on her graduation and ability to walk tall & proud. I wish Rocky Girl could rub off on this young woman.
Why do I care? Well the grandparents are old. Half the time, they are moaning about how they can't retire and these kids are draining them dry. When they die, I know I am going to be put in a position to "take care" of this group. It ain't happening.
This whole situation seems so dysfunctional. Any thoughts?