Leroy's Great Dream

by Dogpatch 2 Replies latest jw friends

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  Dogpatch

  

  #23 Letter from Home:

  Dear Randy,

  LeRoy had a dream and he wonders what it means. He asked me to tell it to you and see if you knew. He's falling, falling, and when he wakes up he's in a seat in a Kingdom Hall somewhere, but he doesn't know where. The brothers are all wearing double breasted IBM business suits and the sisters are all wearing nylons and skirts that just touch the floor when they kneel. The babies are all awake listening to the speaker whose talk is closely following the societies outline. The boy children are all wearing small business suits and polished shoes with matching socks. Their fingernails are clean.

  The girl children all are wearing white dresses and keep their eyes down. When a question is asked at the Watchtower study every single person in the Hall raises their hand, even the babies. Everyone who is called on to answer, paraphrases the answer in their own words with the idea directly from the Watchtower paragraph. During the entire meeting, which lasted three hours, no one got up to go to the restroom or get a drink. After the meeting everyone there lined up at the literature counter and picked up their magazine orders of thirty-six copies of each issue and then lined up at the contribution boxes to contribute two dollars per copy as an unrelated donation to the preaching work. After the donations were made everybody was smiling and talking to each other. No one has ever been disfellowshipped from this congregation because everybody simply accepts what is taught from the platform and in the literature. No one ever questions the Society or the elders.

  When they left the Hall, everybody was driving clean new Buick four door sedans with Watchtowers taped to the lower left side of the back windows. They all live in ranch style government tract houses, get food stamps, have part time cleaning or painting businesses and pioneer full time. No one goes to college. The children are all home schooled or attend a public school where the teachers are all in the truth. The children don't talk to anyone not in the truth and don't take part in any after school sports. The mothers don't read romance novels or gossip.

  Every day every family considers the day's text and reads the Watchtower comments about it. No one has any pets in the house or cooks with aluminum pans. No one has television and those with home computers do not access the Internet and only use the Watchtower CD for preparing talks. At bed time the children all go to their clean self made beds and sleep all night. The parents sleep together and pray before they have missionary sex and then they pray again after they have missionary sex. All fathers are elders.

  We all think the doctors should change LeRoy's medicine. What do you think?

  Clem

  PS: After this dream LeRoy just sits in his chair and rocks and blows spit bubbles.

  http://www.armageddonokies.com/okies_4.htm
• 

  Dogpatch

  #26 Letter From Home

  Dear Randy,

  We have had quite the week here. The circuit servant, Jup Setter and his wife Missey, was here and during his Saturday program, New Things Returned, he talked a lot about the Memorial an seein' as how more publishers mean the end is closer and all, we were all real excited to hear the good news about all the anointed dying cause that means the end is closer too and we won't have to get the washing machine fixed or overhaul the John Deere. Anyways when he is talkin, well, LeRoy he goes in the broom closet in the Kingdom Hall and he finds the Memorial crackers what was left over and he sets about eatin' em. He would have finished off the wine too but me and brother Newley Ben Haad polished it off on the way home right after the meeting was over. Anyhow we all figure that if LeRoy can eat the crackers and likes em, then he must be an anointed. That would explain some of his behavior and why he seems to see things that the rest of us don't see and he hears people talking who we don't hear or see.

  Almos Oover and his buck tooth kid Homer says that they think LeRoy is an anointed because he acts just like Almos' mother who was an anointed since she walked naked around the lake and read the foot-notes in the Truth Bible and understood them and that was right before she started repeating everything everybody said and the hard of hearing people liked it cause it saved them the trouble of asking everybody to repeat what they said.

  Now LeRoy sits in the front row and takes notes that he says are secret and he will only talk to circuit servants and the company servant after the meetings and he pretends to be hearing spirits in the car on the way home so now we can't listen to The Lone Ranger on the radio anymore. Bubba doesn't like it. He used to yell "Hi Yoooo Silverrrr" with the Lone Ranger and slap his leg an pretend he's riding a horse.

  Maw is doing good. There was a big sale at the Econo Mart and she bought eighty gallons of Clorox bleach fer a buck a gallon and she started to use that instead of soap on the laundry. Well, after the second week when we put our shorts on we put our fingers right through em and we pulled them apart and all that was left was the seamed part and the waist band. Made for extra leg crossing and the steps were kinda weird feelin'. Write when you can.

  Clem

  PS; LeRoy wants to know if there are any anointed out there so he will have someone to talk to when he comes out to see you next month.

  
  

  
  
• 

  Dogpatch

  http://www.armageddonokies.com

  and finally, my favorite:

  #11 Letter from Home

  Dear Randy,

  This will be just a quick note. I've got to run Bubba over to the junk yard over by Monett to pick up a couple new fenders and some doors for the Lincoln. We had a pot-luck supper over at brother Newly Ben Haad's trailer Monday night and I took some of my elderberry wine. Well, Bubba's not seeing too good when he comes home about midnight and when he comes to Jenkin's Creek dog leg bridge he sees two so he says he shuts one eye and heads for the middle one....takes the front left fender and both doors off. If that wasn't bad enough he stayed after the book study Tuesday to help Newly finish up leftovers and when he gets to the bridge commin' home he sees two again so he says that he's not gonna make the same mistake twice so he closes the other eye and takes off the right front fender and both right doors. He says that service really bothers him this morning when people slam their doors. This persecution is really getting bad.

  I been workin' on a book-shelf fer all our new books we got when we got in the truth. I got it all done except for the shelf. Maw says that we should line em all up kind of by color so they go together...blue, green, yellow, yellow, purple, brown, and tan. Me and little Mike decided to paint the barn so we got the paint at the railroad using Theochronic warfare and we decided to rig a sprayer up using the John Deere and an old hose. Little Mike took out a sparkplug and cross-threaded a 3/8th nipple in there and wired that hose to it. Then he set a tee in the hose and run a spur line over to the paint vat and when he fired up that poppin Johnny we had paint balls the size of oranges sailin' 30 feet in the air. We got a fair amount on the barn before we ran out. Things was happening so fast that we didn't notice the circuit servant, Jup Setter and his wife Missey, drive up in their big ol' Buick dyna-flo. It's one of them slip juice drive clutch jobs with the fake holes in the hood. He's had this tick ever since when they was on the Huntsville to Brashears run back in May an lightening struck the tree where he was relievin' himself. She's nice though. Ran away once....up in the brambles. Coon hunters found her and brought her back down and she's been kind of prone to quiet spells after that....giggles to herself more than usual too. He says that we got the fastest growin' congregation in these parts but then practically all the sisters was pregnant after his first visit so I suppose that accounts for a lot of it but still we is always glad to get good news from the Society.

  That Jup Setter and his wife Missey, they's stayin' with us for the week while he works with the congregation. He says that we get in the most hours of any of the congregations that he is assigned to. He said that he'd like to work with Bubba tomorrow. That'll be good for Bubba cause Monday's the big trash day since he don't make his run on Sundays. Sis told ol Jup to dig out his old clothes....he just stared at her. Maw blew a spit bubble when she said bye just now. Sis' new boyfriend Ben, son of widow Loyal's by her forth husband Hazz-Ben, was here for supper last night. He goes before the draft board again next Thursday. He's hopin' they'll sentence him back to Springfield. He said the two terms he did there was the best of all of em. These last times is sure hard to deal with all right.

  Love from all, don't forget to write.

  Clem

  PS: LeRoy almost got in trouble for dirty pictures in the bus depot toilet, he would have except he signed your name.