Still confused after all these years,,,

by marriedtoajw 15 Replies latest jw experiences

  • marriedtoajw

    As you guys can see I don't post as much as I'd like to. Work hours and little family time don't allow me enough time to do it. As I've stated on some of my previous posts, also under the user name sahara, I still get confused after all of these years being married to a jw. I can't get over how little I really knew about this faith and how I allowed my wife's belief in it to over rule all of my natural instincts to do, I don't know, something. I question what I could have done differently to keep her from getting hooked in like the rest of her family. Intellectually I know that she has to make her own decisions but as a husband, I've struggled with the instincts to protect her from something I think is or will do damage to her. I think she knows very little if anything about the controvercies you are all aware of whether doctrinal or otherwise.

    After years of going on summer vacations with my wifes family, all of it came to an end about 3 years ago when I put my foot down about my inlaws studying with my son behind my back. My four kids don't know the signs of love bombing, they just think they're being loved by their grandparents and aunt when we visited them or when my wifes parents visit us, her sister and brother in law haven't visited us in over 4 years, ever since the studying situation. We all use to do so much together but I could feel that it was all fake and I decided to take a stand against the faith and called them on their deception. Now, they could care less about me. How does someone just cut some one off like that because I had the audacity to take a stand.

    I just can't get over it, just venting. Thanks...

  • WTWizard

    They (and Jehovah's filthy angels) want souls at all costs. They will fake-love your children (and not necessarily sexually, but it is even worse) to coerce them into religious stagnation, and then cut you off when you resist. They will then take the children to boasting sessions, ultimately forcing them in field circus and eventually religious stagnation. You will not be able to get them back, since they will be brainwashed to avoid you like the plague.

    Perhaps the only way to get around this is to use their own doctrines against them. If you are the head of the household, play that up when the others (wife, etc.) tries spiritually abusing the children. As they believe you are the head, you should play that up so you take the lead in how your children are going to be taught. That could mean taking them on vacation while the wife is at the Grand Boasting Session. It could mean taking them to another (or no) church, or even telling the witlesses that, if they continue usurping your headship, you are going to take the children to legitimate Satanism classes. (Instead of the corrupt religions that will only hold them back spiritually.) If that doesn't work, I would suspect that those fxxxing angels will only ruin your children, and they have a chokehold on their souls. And ultimately the angels will be responsible for their damnation.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Easy. Opposers are controlled by Satan. You are seen as an opposer.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Get a book from the library called 'Teach Your Child How To Think". Use it to teach your family, especially your kids, how to analyse information in a structured way so that they can't be scammed by any shysters.

  • truth_b_known

    I suggest that you not take a hardline stance against your children studying with Witnesses. Rather, be open and supportive. Also, get them involved in wholesome activities that Jehovah's Witnesses oppose. Make sure they play sports, go to their friends birthday parties, go trick-or-treating at Halloween, and have a wonderful Christmas.

    As your children get older they will not want to go to meetings, go out in a door-to-door ministry, of give up fun activities for a control group. By allowing your children to study or go to meetings because THEY want to it gives you a strong foundation to support your children and oppose your in-laws when your kids no longer want to do it.

  • anezthy

    How old are the children? Are they old enough to be able to research the Watchtower and it's "blunders" on the internet with your supervision? If they are too young then just ask them what they learned with your wife's family and make it a point to discuss it with them asking them if it makes sense, and use what you know to make them think. This might kick-start their ability to reason by themselves. You have a right to question what your kids are learning just as your wife has a right to try to instruct them on her religion. It a difficult situation you are in my friend. Good luck to you.

  • Amelia Ashton
    Amelia Ashton

    Even if they are little they can ask questions about the flood and dinosaurs.

  • 00DAD

    If it's conditional, it isn't love.

  • MyLastDays

    Marriedtoajw you were right to stand up and not allow them to indoctorinate your children. I know jws put on a happy face but this cult is very destructive. Things like divorce, alcoholism, depression, low self esteem, are common in this religion. I was born in and when I left I lost all friends and most family. Your wifes family are decieved and will turn on anyone. Its just the normal way of life for jws. All love is conditional with these people. Sad situation. Stay strong and I am sorry you are having to go through this.

    Best Wishes!


  • thecrushed

    I wish I had had a father like you when I was a kid. I didn't have a chance. Keep it up and don't give in to this evil cult!

  • Disillusioned Lost-Lamb
    Disillusioned Lost-Lamb

    So sorry to hear of your trouble; are you absolutely sure your in-laws, or wife, are not still secretly indoctrinating your son? They get constant training on how to do this, so I'd still follow what truth_b_known said just to be safe.

  • Chariklo

    I don't think I would be very supportive in them studying with your wife's family. I say that because I have experienced at first hand the persuasiveness of the indoctination process. I've seen children made so much of and "loved" to bits so that little ones glow with pride when they are given a one-word answer to say into the microphone.

    I've seen little boys of 5 or 6, dressed up the nines in little men's suits, coached into "givng a talk". It sickens me, this lovely kids who have real education withheld from them, and who are told how much more forunate they are than kids in the world because they don't get given presents polluted by paganism at Christmas, and don't have to suffer the spiritistic practices of having to blow out candles on their birthday cake nor have everyone wishing them Happy Birthday, let alone suffer the indignity of a birthday party.

    That kind of study and "love" will cause them huge confusion and inhibitions.

    Play the head of the house role for all you're worth, but be aware that while your wife will be told to respect and obey you as head of house, she is also told that this doesn't include anything that goes against Jehovah's wishes, and so she may well secretly indoctrinate your children anyway. And her parents or relatives.

    This is a very sinister tight control cult. Don't underestimate it. It causes great damage, and you can read the stories on this site from people who have very low self esteem caused by their JW childhood experience.

  • Perry
    I can't get over how little I really knew about this faith and how I allowed my wife's belief in it to over rule all of my natural instincts to do, I don't know, something. I question what I could have done differently to keep her from getting hooked in like the rest of her family.

    Others are correct. God divinely appointed you to be the shepherd of your family. There are many VERY important questions that WTism carefully avoids and does not address. Here's a list of a few. Hope it helps.

  • Flossycat

    I second Black Sheep's motion: get the book from the library 'Teach Your Children How To Think.'

    And for you, if you haven't already, get Steven Hassan's book on combatting Cult Mind Control.

  • dozy

    All seems really harsh , but most of us on this forum have been there with JW family. It seems to be in the JW DNA for them to treat like dog dirt anyone who stops going to the meetings.

    When you say your in-laws were "studying" , was this a formal sit-down , go through a WTBTS publication study or just an occasional chat , perhaps with the Bible Stories book? I say that because I don't see any real harm in allowing the grandparents to have some kind of interaction with the kids. To be honest , the JW lifestyle is so rubbish that unless a child is completely indoctrinated , immersed & all his friends are in , then invariably they leave - 70% of JW children don't become JWs - even higher in "divided" households like yours where one of the parents is a "worldly person" like you ( no disrespect intended ).

    What does you wife think about all this? Does she sympathise with her family or does she feel they are being unreasonable? Most JWs really aren't bothered about doctrine & have very little awareness of their history so your wife isn't unusual in that respect.

  • nugget

    JWs do not have normal relationships they are taught to only have conditional ones. JWs will be interested all the time there is a possibility that someone will convert but have no qualms about dropping someone who will not. This is learnt behaviour from the organisation where many people who have been born into the organisation know nothing different.

    I would be very cautious about letting your children get involved in any way. The pressure begins very early as does the isolation from those outside the group so that the only place you can eventually find acceptance is within the organisation. Whilst children have a foot in two camps they do not really belong to either. They are seen as odd by other children because of their religious views and they are not accepted by JW youths as they are still having birthdays etc and don't appear fully committed to the faith. Joining a high pressure group is not a decision a child should make. My mother joined when I was 3 my father was never a witness and yet being allowed to go to meetings led me to get baptised and stay within the organisation for 40 years. Present your children with options and choices never give up on them so that they can have a proper life.

    With your wife keep communicating .

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