Guilty thought

by punkofnice 12 Replies latest jw experiences

  • punkofnice

    My Dad was my hero and died of cancer some years ago. He was the PO in a congregation before his death. He was in the army during WW2 and when he came out his first marriage went down the khazi. He got depressed.

    Then when he got demobbed, he met the local JWs who gave him 'the Truth will set you free' (or make you free..or whatever), and he was hooked. Then he met Mum, she joined the cult with him then I came along.

    Why am I posting?

    I want to confess this to get it off my chest.

    Although I love/d my parents dearly, and I've just got Mum left now, I do NOT THANK them for raising me in the filthy, disgusting Jehovah's Witness cult!

    There! That's my confession. A deceased father that I can't thank on this particular issue but miss terribly! Mum says that if Dad were alive he'd get me back into the cult. I said that with what I know I'd probably have convinced Dad out of the disgusting cult.

    How screwed up is that!?!?!?!?!?!?

  • ziddina

    Nothing screwed-up about that, at all, Punkofnice...

    There's really no reason for you to feel guilty, by the way...

    I mean, seriously? You had enough sense - survival instinct - to get the hell outta "dodge", and you're feeling GUILTY over that?? Or is it the thought of the conflict that you and your father would be going through, if he were still alive??

    It really is moot....

    It sounds like your father was a decent dad, other than his membership in that crappy cult. At least you can remember his good qualities, separate from the cult...

    Please don't feel guilty...!


  • Inisc

    Don't feel guilty.

    I think a lot of people raised in the cult resent a large part of their childhood, and also wonder how it might have been if they didn't grow up thinking the world was going to end. It horrible for a kid to carry around all those burdens.

    Dont feel guilty at all.

  • talesin

    How screwed up is that!?!?!?!?!?!?

    I think you are having a very normal reaction, to a very abnormal situation/upbringing.

    Very little in life is black and white,,, your mixed feelings of love for your mum and dad, and revulsion for their actions, make a lot of sense to this born-in, too.

    Like the folks above said, no guilt required.


  • TOTH

    We can love people yet at the same time be hurt and even angry with them. I feel the same way myself. I love my folks dearly and wish my dad had not died while still in the cult. I am not happy about being raised in it and am not ashamed.

  • snare&racket

    I dont believe in God, most of the world do. In my opinion, most of the world are being misled and sold lies. The reason it works so well is..... well..... it works so well ! These con merchants sell you on every human fear...death, security, paradise, no suffering, no pain, a ressurection...

    btw...All things that we are content for other animals to endure, but no... we...WE are special. Religion works because we want it to.

    The level of responsibility against ignorance and good motive is a tough one to balance. If you know your parents are good people, know that they did it all with the best of intentions. That is all ;) ! Now if you think it will help her, you can aid your mum in the reality of the deception, it may be hard but again its about motive, if yours is right then it is the best action.

    I am not talking about your parents now, but as a comparison.... some do enter the JW's with bad intent, some dragging their kids in behind them. I have seen it. These people use the JW's as a psychological hiding hole, I am sure we have all seen these weird and emotionally broken people come and go from the WT corp with this sefish mindset. Some may even get stuck in and try to manipulate the people and the system, for me these are the worst of all JW's. They may even walk away when the light of truth is shone on them, leaving family behind as they seek another source of shelter, some other banquet of attention and listening ears. These people are few in number in my experience and though I will give such people a wide birth for the rest of my life (for all they do is consume heartlessly), even these sad shells of people are lost souls.

    My point is, for the most part JW's are good people, JW parents are on the whole no different to us in here at one time.... misled and full to the teeth with indoctrination that works oh so good.

    Sure, be angry you are allowed!

    Be annoyed that they fell for it!

    Be sad for the times you lost and joy you never had as a normal family. As heads of your family, this was there responsibility...

    These feelings are healthy and normal.

    BUT know they likely did it with best intentions, probably YOUR best intentions, a paradise earth for the family to live on together.

    Snare x

  • 00DAD

    POI: I'm glad you shared that. Personally I don't think you need to feel guilty. We can love someone and not agree or like everything they do or have done. This is what UNCONDITIONAL LOVE IS! (Something BTW that JWs don't understand.)

    BTW, Could you translate some of your Brit slang for those of us that don't speak it?

    • Khazi?
    • Demobbed?

    I googled them and think I understand that "Khazi" = toilet and "demobbed" means to be demobilize from the military. But it's a guess!!!

    Where in the UK are you?


  • punkofnice

    zid - thanks, I guess I did manage to wake up abeit a bit late!

    Inisc - Yes. I resent a wasted childhood that I aint getting back.

    Talesin - I guess all the escaped born ins get it don't we.

    TOTH - You and me both experienced the same by the sounds of it!!

    S&R - I s'ppose Mum & Dad thought they were doing their best. It's hard when your heroes are wrong.

    00DAD - LOL you got it.I think Khazi come from the days of empire. It's a corruption of an African word (Not sure which language), M'Khazi = Lavatory. 'Demobbed' is indeed demobilised, or when Dad was let go from the British Forces when the war ended.

    I'm in Cambridgeshire.

    Thanks for your input folks!

  • Found Sheep
    Found Sheep

    NO guilt!!! This is a normal and healthy reaction.

  • punkofnice

    Found Sheep - I'm glad I'm at least partly normal!

  • Phizzy

    Watch it Punkie ! Jung said "Show me a man who is normal and I shall cure him". Don't get too close to normal !

    My experience and feelings are identical with yours, my old man died a few years ago, my mum is still with us, I was born in, and I see no reason to be grateful for any of it. I do not feel guilty about that, and I freely make excuses for my parents making such a stupid choice of religion.

    But they get no thanks, it is literally thanks for nothing, there are no positives for me from my JW upbringing or past.

  • Disillusioned Lost-Lamb
    Disillusioned Lost-Lamb

    The resentment raised-in's feel is natural; I constantly feel the tug between the deep love and respect for my parents and the intense hatred for the way they let the cult raise me.

    Two things I try to remember are:

    1-My Mom and non-practicing Dad are being controlled and they don't see it; to them it WAS the best way and they were blinded to any other.

    2-Because they are brainwashed it's not entirely their fault, so place the blame where blame is due; condemn the WTBT$ and direct your anger towards the cult, they deserve it.

    This has helped me come to terms with the way I was raised and show compassion towards my family who are still blind; it also assists in counteracting the guilt and bitterness, along with making things more peaceful.

  • punkofnice

    I have recently been chatting to my Mum. Although she prefers to stay 'mind cleansed'(TM) I think she suspects the JWs tick all the boxes of 'cult'. It's been her life and cannot imagine life without the WBT$.

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