PART TWO...
THE SWINGING SINGLES....(NOT)
Up until I was 21 I really got around. And as such, I was never in my “home” congregation, in Pawtucket RI. I was a floater. But, I had many friends. Because I floated, I could never really “advance” in the “kingdom” work, but I was fine with that. In 1983 I got married. To a “sister” with 2 boys. Her name is unimportant for this story. I’ll just refer to her as, “the wife”. (Yes, sarcastically), and the boys names were “c” and “p”, “p’ was the oldest, 10 at the time of the wedding, and "c" was 7. “She” was 29, I was 21. The rest of this story and my jw life really centers around this family arrangement, and the ups, downs and eventuality that leaving the “organization” would bring to it.
The kids were really good kids. I was hard on them, harder than I should have been. But what did I know? I was 21 trying my best to do what I thought was right. It wasn’t long before the jw judicial machine decided to appoint me as a m.s. I’ll tell you right now, that was as far as I progressed. What I saw, as a m.s. and learned about during the few years I “served” proved to be the building blocks of future rumblings, disagreements, and out and out arguments. I was outspoken, blunt, and headstrong. This was known by everyone immediately upon meeting me. I would do anything for any one, at anytime. I never knew the word “no”. I was a good drone. I was also used and abused by the people and the system. But never cross me, or mess with me. I was relentless. And I would take anyone on at anytime, including right in the back of the kh one time, as one of the older cantankerous elders had said something to “the wife” that really upset her. I cannot remember what it was, it wasn’t important. But that he went around me, and spoke to her, was the issue, and he got it double barrels. With the library door closed, other elders had to come in, and calm the situation down. I was literally, in his face, and the only thing stopping me from knocking him on his ass, is that I am not a violent person. I set the tone that day, for anyone that dealt with me. I gained a certain respect, but at the same time, I also hurt my chances for people to confront me, as they knew I wouldn’t hesitate to speak my mind. I intimidated people. Next to Dale Ernhardt, I was the second best intimidator on the planet. Sometimes, just with a look, or a glare, I could say what I had to say, without opening my mouth.
In spite of that incident, somehow I was appointed to serve as a m.s. when I was asked if I had anything that would keep me from this “spiritual” appointment, I lied. And I said no. I did in fact have a “problem” not known to anyone but God and myself. That problem was an addiction to tobacco. I had been smoking since roughly 6 months after my marriage, and it bothered me that I could be appointed to “serve” and be appointed supposedly by holy spirit, yet have this “problem”. How can this happen? If it was so wrong, how could I be appointed to such a position. Nevertheless I accepted and was appointed. My first assignment was the “sound” department. I was always one for electronics, and high tech toys. My life now a days, has computers, laptops, cd, dvd players, and all sorts of high tech “stuff”. So the sound department was an easy task.
A few years later, a situation arose that really pushed me to my limits, and ultimately, started my doubts, and questions as to what I was really doing.
As I had stated earlier, I had two step sons, and although they were well behaved, the youngest one developed a small behavioral problem. He started a fire in his school. He was, best I can remember, around 12 or 13 years old. Imagine my surprise when the fire department detectives came knocking on my door, and started asking questions. I have to say, given the seriousness of the situation, they were very nice, professional, and kind. But, they had a job to do, and I couldn’t blame them for having to do it. We went through the court system, and he ended up with a light punishment, community service working in the fire department. He rather liked it, and I almost always brought him, and picked him up every Saturday. He even continued to go after he completed his “sentence” he enjoyed it that much. He made some good friends there, and being the type of person he was, he probably helped those kids who had similar problems. The cause of his outburst, it was determined by psychologist, was that he was reaching out for his real father, someone who had almost nothing to do with him all his life, not until he turned 18 did he really try to have a relationship with his sons. This bothered me tremendously, over the years, but I always kept that feeling away from them, so they could see for themselves what a letch and a piece of dog shit he really was. Any conversation I had about my feelings about this was kept strictly between “the wife” and myself, though I rarely mentioned it.
You would think, that given the corrective action taken, and the positive results, that “alls well that ends well”. But no. stupid me, during this episode, wanting to do the best for him, turns to the local judicial machine. I cry out for “help”. Now, mind you, this was a first. I never turned to elders for help, or anyone for that matter. I had my struggles in life, and always managed to get through them on my own, without begging for “help”. Where this situation deserved what I felt was the very best attention, I wanted ‘help’, and I meant ‘help’. Not a judicial machine, just a little direction, a little ‘spiritual counseling’ for him. I wasn’t so sure I could give him what he needed as I wasn’t sure exactly what I should do to help such a young person who was so disturbed. You cannot blame me there. I was still in my 20’s trying to figure out how to help a 12-13 year old child.
NEXT...
PART THREE....
THE JUDICIAL TRIBUNAL RAISES ITS UGLY HEAD....
-Zev
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