Its been a long story and it did not start by intention.
I am not from an English speaking country and 10 years ago I was between two jobs and trying to improve my English. Went to chatroom and met him. He was funny, careless, clever. I did not take him seriously. Both married, both with kids, bot not happily married but had reason to stay.
Found a job, was in his town for work for a few days and - I still don't know why - rang im to say "hi, im in town". He insisted to meet, I had 2nd thoughts and managed to delay the meeting until I was at the airport for my flight home. I was even late and hoped he had already left. He was there, I saw him and fell in love. And vice versa. I thought this was only possible in movies.
I travelled home in kind of a trance.
Our online affair proceeded for almost 9 years now.
We separated 5 years ago when we had an argument and he became really rude and I took it as a "get lost forever". We were separated for 5 months but I could not forget about him and then contacted him. He was glad to hear from me as he had felt awful, too.
Through all these years I found some things strange about him but never was really able to realize a connection. In November something happened again and I kind of realized that he must be a Jehovah's witness. It was almost funny that when this came to my mind I suddenly saw so many things that had happened and which made sense in total.
I confronted him. He got angry, said he was not active, having problems with his family for not being active. They were all JW and he was a born in.
I had millions of questions but he refused to discuss him being a JW. He did not see what difference it made for us and did not understand that for me it made a difference as being a JW is not like a membership in a football club. I had the feeling I only knew the worldly part of him and had no idea who and how the JW was.
He forced me to accept not to ask questions. I said I do not think it is a good idea and I am not sure if I can really do that.
I am not a JW. I am well educated. I was tought to think and question things. I am used to ask and discuss things that bother or surprise me.
This board was helped me to understand that cult and I was constantly inbetween feeling sorry for him for being part of that cult and at the same time wondering how such an intelligent, successful person can believe such things! And wondering if he really believes them or not.
We had several arguments since then. Last time we had an argument was two weeks ago when his teeny child was diagnosed with an illness and needed a surgery. I could not but had to ask whether blood was a problem and he got really angry with me and tried to defend the JW theory about blood. At this point I realized that being not active did not mean he was not still believing it. I had understood things differently before.
This night he kept me busy with emails. His child has not yet had the surgery and is having problems again and they are in hospital. It seemed not so serious at the beginning but over the time it turned out that a surgery will indeed be required.
I wrote " I am not critisizing your religion but please be aware that god is a forgiving and loving god and he will forgive you if you ignore that blood advise even if WT may not forgive you. Please make sure that you carefully decide what is right for your child and make this your most important thought.
When I wrote this I knew he would not accept it easily but I am a mother myself and I would not allow anyone but a doctor to give me instructions when it comes to the life of my children. I could not live with the thought that I did not allow to do whatever necessary.
He is now all furious at me. Used very very bad language and told me to think very hard before I ever contact him again.
I replied to him that he obviously does not recognize that my intentions were good and that I brought up my points reasonably and friendly unlike him. That I leave it up to him what happens next and how or if we proceed.
The past 6 months were so difficult and I do not think I can spend much more time pretending that nothing has happened and avoiding all religious topics. I think I could deal with him being a JW if he was able to talk about it and make me understand.
And I also think it is for his own best if he stops leading such a double life. When I found out about him being JW I had already offered to end it because I thought it must tear him apart but he did not want that as he said he alone was responsible for what he was doing.
It hurts - but I think it is for the best of both of us :/
For those who think I/we deserve this end for cheating on our partners you are totally right. I have dicsussed this with myself and god a million of times but simply could not walk away.
Well, I am off to bed now. Thanks for listening.