Another sleepless night

MoodyBlue

I seem to have the posting bug now that I've broken the ice:)

Sigh, another sleepness night, racked (wracked??) with guilt and anxiety. I lay there watching Mr Blue sleeping so peacefully, wishing in some odd way, that I still was as ignorant as he is. He cares so much for me, yet it is in a conditional way that I don't think he even realizes. What I wouldn't give to be rid of these awful feelings that sit in the pit of my stomach, and eat away at my peace of mind...My soul is crying, and I can't seem to comfort it.

Edited by - MoodyBlue on 16 January 2001 10:28:48

waiting

Hey moodyblue,

I think we've all been - or are still at - where you are. Ignorance is bliss - but it's not worth the lies and the loss of realities.

Some persons stay within the org. in order to keep their families. No one has the right to fault another's actions or lack thereof. Our lives are quite different from each other, and will remain so. We know each other only by the words we present, we live with our families.

Remember how we're taught to bring family into the Truth? By our actions. Well, I guess we can maintain ourselves and help others to see that we've not changed into Satan's Seed by our actions also. Just by the fact of leaving brings confrontations to a degree, others think we're making the biggest mistake of our lives, selfish, etc.

Well, we're not, but sometimes we stay quiet to keep peace. You will find peace of mind and heart sometime in the future, I think a lot of us do. Then we turn into ordinary people - just leary of anything called "organization."

I used to get up and chat on the net - when it's night where ever you are - it's daylight some place else. It helps.

waiting

claudia

Blue, how do you think he would react to your concerns?

MoodyBlue

Claudia,

He knows I have doubts, and I've told him I don't know that I want to be a witness anymore. But the thing is, when I tell him the doubts, we argue, and nothing gets resolved. Plus, there is so much I'm learning, but of course to him it would be apostate, and he wouldn't hear it. I'm trying to slowly make him think... bombarding him with stuff will only make things worse...

But, I'm not always able to give excuses, and still go to meetings with him sometimes...i feel like i'm so sneaky and such a hypocrite...

happytobefree

Moody Blues,

I feel for you deeply and have sent up many prayers for you. You are where many have been and thankfully there is no turning back. Right now I think you are afraid of the unknown (don't be - it is proably not as bad as you think). I think right now you are doing all of the right things. You are WHERE YOU NEED TO BE (accept and love it). I think you should continue to work on YOURSELF (and learn to love yourself) and don't work on your husband. One thing I have been blessed to experience is TRUE LOVE and I received this love from my WORLDLY HUSBAND. He put up with me when I was a pompous goody 2 shoe JERK. He put up with me when I was severely depressed (because of my finding of my TRUTHFUL religion). He put up with me now that I'm assertive and loving (which was kinda hard for him, because remember he fell in love and married me as a JW). So if your changes help you to find yourself you have gain the world and if your husband, friends, etc. don't come to appreciate the authentic you and love you for what they want, is it really love? That's a question you have to answer and be ready to answer. But believe me when you do, you will feel so much power, it won't matter WHAT ANYONE thinks BUT YOU (and that's not selfish or harmful, but what GOD WANT FOR ALL OF HIS CHILDREN) I feel he wants us all to be HAPPY.

Happy to be Free (Me)

Martini

Hello Friends,

MoodyBlue, I feel much of what is being told to you is Tried-Tested and True!

Just as Happytobefree and others have said...be fair with yourself and others. Give yourself and others all the time required to get a grip. TIME is your greatest allie. Believe US the sun will shine on all your troubles. We were created with the POWER of reason. Take your time and work things out slowly. There is No need to rush. One issue at a time. There is a price to pay for freedom and each of us will have to pay. BUT it's worth it! Stick it out things will get easier and you will be glad to have toughed it out.

Take care,
Martini

joel

MB,

I know how difficult it can be to get your mate yo read information about the Org....if they know it to be from Ex-JW's...hence apostate.

I had the same deal with my wife...but I found something that worked...books about JW's...by people who were never JW's

A couple of good authors that have more than one book on the subject are....Ron Rhodes and David Reed...check 'em out at an on-line bookstore...and see what ya think.

All the best to ya!

Pax,
joel

thinkers wife

Joel,
I believe David Reed was one of JW's.
TW

larc

MoodyBlue,

I was blessed to meet a wonderful man, Peter Gregerson. He was the man that had lunch with Ray Franz, which prompted Franz's disfellowshipment. He was disfellowshipped because he had lunch with a disfellowshipped person. With all the goods they had on Ray Franz that's what they got him for.

I told you that to tell you this.

Peter was like you. He simply didn't believe it anymore. So what he did was plant small seeds of doubt. Once in awhile he would say something like, "You know, there's something I don't quite understand, this thing is not clear to me, etc." By being very slow and patient he was able to bring out his entire family. I don't know if that will work for you, but as you said earlier there is no gain in hitting your husband with everything. If you do, as you already know, he will just get angry and defend himself.

Another sleepless night

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