My Experience

by wezz 33 Replies latest jw experiences

  • wezz

    Good day to everyone. After reading and benefiting from the numerous experiences posted here, I thought it would be proper for me to share my story too.

    I was born and brought up as an Anglican Church member. I was never really strong in my Anglican faith, despite my dad being a lay priest. If I had to think why, I would probably say that I wasn’t to convinced at the ritualistic manner of praying out of prayer books and the whole sit stand kneel thing. I hardly attended church.

    About three years ago I became involved with Jehovah’s Witnesses. My experience here will differ from most of the experiences recorded on this site. There was no knock at my door. I became involved in a relationship with a JW woman who basically swept me off my feet. Of course as most of you would know, the command to marry only in the Lord is one that you will not easily overcome and so my Bible study commenced.

    Immediately I was in awe at what I was learning and even though the picture of Jesus on a stake in the publication gave me an uneasy feeling, the rest was answering all my doubts I ever had about Christian faith. Or so I thought at the time. One thing led to another and within 6 months I was baptised and a month later I was married. Within a month of being married we were expecting our first child. I felt happy and comfortable at the time and was truly at peace with what I was taught and practicing. If only this feeling would last.

    After a while I began to notice certain things that were not right. Because my wife’s father was an elder, I would normally receive the latest news on the conduct of members. Even said elder was accused of domestic violence and medication abuse. The depression of the family members also made no sense, because they are supposed to be “the happy people”. I think I would always compare these people with that of my ‘worldly family’ and more often or not it was not the worldly family’s conduct that was bellow bible standards.

    At one stage I was researching stuff and made contact with an ‘apostate’ site. I felt it necessary to defend my new faith here, but I only did this for a few weeks before I went on holiday and during the holiday I decided not to return to the site. This however would prove to be detrimental to my witness faith, as one just cannot unlearn the things mentioned there.

    Months went by and I progressed well in ‘the truth’. That is until something triggered me to read Raymond Franz’s book: CoC. I lived in denial for a few months later but that could not last. I then did thorough research, something I should’ve done a long time ago. I read COC, Captives of a concept and gentile times reconsidered. I listened to the audio book of Combating cult mind control. I visited sites such as JWN, JWFACTS, JWSTRUGLE and many more. I was now truly one of the biggest apostates at heart.

    About 7 months ago my wife became pregnant again and we are expecting a son. Our daughter is now 20 months old. I was considering how long I can live the lie, but unfortunately I am not very good at acting, nor at lying. This weekend my wife confronted me about my changed attitude about ‘the truth’ and then it happened. I became a talking JWFACTS. I did this in a calm manner and tried reasoning and use of questions, as taught in the school. It is here that I appreciated Steve Hassan’s work the most, as her responses such as, “to where will we go”, “but this is God’s organization”, and the usual dribble about apostates all made sense to me.

    It took my wife about 24 hours to report me to the elders. It took her another 6 to decide to leave me.

    So here I sit. All that truly matters to a man, my family, has been ripped away from me. My sin? To seek the truth and to “ Test everything. Hold on to the good.”(1 Thessalonians 5:21 - NIV)

  • finally awake
    finally awake

    Wow. I'm sorry your wife freaked out. I hope she reconsiders and dumps the WTS instead.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Welcome to our nightmare.

    I did it the other way around. Born into Dubland, I married a nice Anglican girl and turned her into a predator for the WT, but never actually joined myself. Messy business, but we're still married. My nice Anglican girl is still in there somewhere, struggling to get out.

    Her father was a better Christian than any of my family will ever be.



  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep
    I became a talking JWFACTS.

    I don't know if you'll ever get a chance to talk again, but if you do, remember that they think they have all the answers and can save your sorry arse from their killer god at Armageddon and use that to guilt her into trying to save you from this brief aberration.

    Tell her nothing.

    Ask questions only.

    Do nothing to identify yourself as APOSTATE.

    You need her to tell you the WT is full of qrapp. It doesn't work when you tell her that.

  • TOTH

    Sorry to hear that you are going through this. You will find a fairly good group of people here who have gone through this and can offer some support. I hope your wife realizes that you are worth much more to her than a phony organization that really cares nothing for her as a person. All my hopes for a good resolution to your problem.

  • Lozhasleft

    Hello Wezz and welcome to the forum. What a sad situation. I hope that maybe your wife has gone into shock and reacted prematurely...if so you might get the chance to rescue your family. Sadly there are now children involved that you love and want to protect. You will know by now that there are no easy solutions here. Let's hope she loves you enough to see it all objectively...but her mind is cult driven so don't take it personally if she can't manage that.

    I would recommend that in all your dealings with her you use kindness and love to try and break down her barriers. Stick around, there are some great people here with good advice.

    Loz x

  • Bangalore

    Welcome to JWN.


  • BroMac

    It took my wife about 24 hours to report me to the elders. It took her another 6 to decide to leave me

    This is what i am afraid of. my heart goes out to you Wezz

  • discreetslave

    Welcome! I'm sorry to hear your family has been torn from you. I hope your wife reconsiders. If you tell her you will not stop her from being a JW she really doesn't have any grounds for separation. If you want to keep your family you will need to play spiritually weak with the elders. I would mention comparing the conduct of other Christians to the misconduct of JW's as being a factor in your thinking but don't say anything else if you want your family. I'm so sorry you are going thru this. It's not easy my husband is a JW. Be loving, kind and bite your tongue for a while to gain back your family.
    She was willing to break the rules to marry you maybe what you said will take root later. Hoping for the best.

  • Momma-Tossed-Me

    So, you should and will find comfort here from others of like mind. Make no mistake you got involved with a cult and now you must spread the word about that when you are ready so others will not do the same.

    Welcome to the unloved husbands club because we know the real truth. My wife and I are still together but she looks at me as a dog rolling in vomit and a swine. WIth that vision in your wifes head and mine how can they love.

    Damn cult.

  • Quandry

    Welcome, wezz.

    So sorry that you are now in this difficult situation.

    Yes, she originally came to you when you were not a JW. This was disobedience on her part. She looked outside the organization, despite all the clear stated mandates from the "faithful and discreet slave." She was considered "touching something unclean," etc. Her actions spoke for her in saying that she was willing to go against the holy spirit directed words of the WTS and words from the Bible itself in "not mixing in company" with an unbeliever. She was Dinah "going out into the land." How does she now "get on a high horse" because you are say words contrary to the WTS? Hypocritical, isn't it?

    It would be interesting if you asked her all these questions. I'd sure like to know what her response is.

    Also, let her know that you'll not be a "spiritual danger" to her; she can go to the KHall if she chooses. That way she has no WT grounds for divorce. Also, please speak kindly and patiently-in response to her-don't go in defensively- as you visit her and your child. Also, don't go empty-handed. Go with money and gifts for her, your daughter, and your unborn son.

    Hoping the best for you.

  • yourmomma

    from all the experiences i read on this site and others, if a wife wants to leave her husband because he turned apostate, the elders will look the other way. its like the best kept secret of the org, you can leave your husband and remarry if they turn apostate. it might not be written down, but you see people time and again posting here about their mates leaving, even sometimes being encouraged to leave by the elders and then remarrying another jw.

  • OnTheWayOut

    So sorry to hear your sad story, Wezz. Many of us have some tragic stories of loved ones, while different, that still give us common bonds.

    You will find shoulders to cry on and stories that will boil your blood here. But I hope you find some comfort as well.

    Your child is still young and another one is on the way and "Jehovah hates a divorcing." Maybe there's still a chance you can get back together, maybe there's not. Decide these things for yourself and be careful about even "our" advice on such matters. For instance, if my JW wife were to turn me in to the elders, I would not forgive that and would seek a divorce. But that's me. I have no children and you will soon have two babies, so you might want to do things differently.

    I would recommend, if you think you want to get back together and there might be a chance, that you follow the traditional path of most separated people with young children- Go to a professional marriage counselor with your wife. Consider keeping your feelings about JW's out of your marriage and be disfellowshipped/disassociated if necessary, but be there for your kids.

  • NVR2L8

    Wezz, I am so sorry...I agree with OTWO and you should seek professional help...The congregation will offer help but you well know who's side they will take...your wife will be getting a lot of support...they will put ideas in her head and impute you with bad motives for converting into the "truth" in the first place. They will try to find faults in you as the reason you are leaving the congregation. You will be better off if you use an unpartial mediator...not a "spiritually qualified" elder...Be patient with your wife and tell her that your love for her is unconditional - regardless of being a JW or not.

  • wannabefree


    I let it all out to my wife too when I discovered the truth about The Truth (two years ago) ... I think she was on the phone to an elder within the hour. I met with the elder alone and told him my wife was emotional and overreacting and that I was just doing research that disturbed me and who else was I to talk to if not my wife?

    It may call for some reverse Theocratice Warfare Strategy if you want to try and save your marriage.

  • Mickey mouse
    Mickey mouse

    Welcome to the site. I'm really sorry to read what you're going through. Your wife will likely be getting all sorts of 'told you so' rebukes from relatives as this is quite common with people who convert for a partner. I'm sending you a PM too, click the little envelope top right ^

  • PaintedToeNail

    wezz, welcome! So sorry to here that thus far you've lost your family. I hope that you are able to get them back soon. We all feel for you!

  • outsmartthesystem

    My heart goes out to you. I am in a similar situation only my wife hasn't turned me in. She won't......for a while anyway. My children are still very young. When they are old enough listen to sound reasoning and take it to will only be a matter of time before they begin to echo some of my sentiments. THAT is when I fear my wife will turn to teh elders and the beginning of the end for us a family.

  • yesidid

    I am so sorry this is happening to you. You must be in a state of total shock.

    Although I am a "born in" and thought I knew the cult thinking, it just never occured

    to me that a Witness would leave their mate within 24 hours of finding out that said mate

    was questioning the GB. That is really extreme.

    Had you been having marriage problems? If so can they be sorted out? I am just so sad for you.

    Take care.


  • Londo111

    I am really sorry!

    Perhaps if you tell her you still love her and there are no scriptural grounds for her leaving. Perhaps you can quote the 2009 Awake that says, "No one should be forced to worship in a way that he finds unacceptable or be made to choose between his beliefs and his family.”

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