So wrote out my whole story here, then somehow my iPad deleted it. Don't have the patience to rewrite it. Just need suggestions and encouragement. I'm in guatemala right now away from all my family and friends, need time to think, time alone. Anyways, I KNOW it's not the truth. It's the only thing I can remember being sure of. I'm just trying to figure out how to tell my parents. I want to leave fully, been fading for the last 4 or 5 months. Should I talk to my best friends first, send them emails? What is the best way to tell my parents? It's not going to be pretty, but I know it's what I have to do. It's what I want to do, eve though I don't want to do it. Sorry for the abruptness of my post. I really look forward to taking about it more with everyone, but right now, I'm not really in the mindset to talk about it. Please, any comments, suggestions would be great. Should I contact my friends first. I need to tell my parents ( dads an elder, moms a pioneer) but don't know how exactly to tell them. Anyways, can't really confide in anyone right now, need you guys.
Just about to leave. Did what anyone in my possition would do. Moved to Guatemala. Please, need your help.
by Jboth89 6 Replies latest jw friends
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talesin
I was in your position, in my late teens. There is no easy way out.
I just sat down and said "mom, I'm not going to the meeting tonite, or ever. I don't believe it." Lots of guilt trips andshunning.
A couple of my friends stood by me, but the friendships soon faded after marriage.
You can do it! Don't let fear hold you back from having your own life.
We will be here for you.
((Hugs))
talesin
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exwhyzee
Take things one day at a time....there is no emergency here, no need to rush into anything. Your relationship with God if you choose to have one is yours and his...you owe no one an expalination about your personal beliefs nor do you have to plan an escape. The confines and obligations you feel upon you are only as real as you let them be. Relax....make the best of each day as it comes. Make a plan to do positive, healthy, and good things for yourself and others. Time has a way of sorting things like this out.
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maksym
Dear Jboth89,
You post reminded me of myself 7 years ago. I moved to Costa Rica by myself.
I've got some great experiences to tell you and perhaps it would help. I've been to Nicaragua but not Guatemala.
I hope you know some Spanish. If not you'll get by and learn on the go.
I think it is best to not tell anyone yet. I found I wanted to develop a new worldview before I told people, and I wanted to be strong in my beliefs outside the walls of the watchtower before revealing anything. I needed time alone to sort things out. You may need quiet time from religion for awhile.
Sidenote:
You may want to start a huge permanent fade where they will never find you. What I mean is you could tell them you will be going to the meetings (church services Jw), and then transfer your cards there. You could play this out as you're going to start in an area where the need is great etc. At any rate if you plan on moving back to your country (I'm assuming U.S.), then you can just leave your cards there at the Guatemala hall and never request them. Keep your cards information and hall information private. I did this and essentially my records are lost abroad forever.
If you need any advice on living in Central America I can help. PM'me if you need too.
Peace
Maksym
Edited to add: May God grant you mercy and guide you to better ways.
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sizemik
How long are you in Guatemala? . . . having that space can work in your favour. For a start friends and family may feel less threatened because you're not on "their patch" to cause immediate problems for them. A heartfelt letter while some distance is in place, has more chance of being read for it's content . . . not just the implications.
Be sure to seek out good and trustworthy friends and associates outside of the religion. Be selective . . . but there are some great people out there. Breaking free is tough . . . and seldom comes without a price tag. Everyone who has, will tell you it was worth it and would never go back.
Like XYZ says . . . don't stress about what you can't control. Live in the present . . . and make sure you find some of life's joys in every single day.
All the best.
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steve2
How frustrating that your iPad deleted all your work! Don't you hate it when that happens. Hey, you're in Guatemala - I'm assuming that's a long way from your home congregation. Sometimes the best way to fade is to go cold turkey: get away from the 'things' that can lure you back in - especially those things that you do for the sake of peace. It can be so hard to 'get' family to totally understand and accept your reasons - so I wouldn't even go there. Take your time. Think through your options. Just be very careful what you say and to who. Sometimes we wrongly conclude that if we speak in a considerate and gentle way to our JW family members that they'll respect us and back off. But they don't. They mean well but react with a sense of urgency and panic. Step One for fading: Go to Guatemala. Good start! Now take it slow.
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Billy the Ex-Bethelite
Welcome Jboth!
Do you have any family that is outside the religion? I moved about 100 miles from my "believing" family. There have been enough faders from that cong, and I was treated badly enough that I've never had to actually explain anything. I still visit my family and a few of my old friends, but they understand that I'm not attending. The last time I visited some of them, they talked for about 20 minutes about some things happening and coming up with the congregation... then they spent about an hour complaining about some of the absolute crazies in the congregation that drive them nuts. I filled them in on how happy I am at university and in my cool city neighborhood. Then the subject changed to other matters and we all had a good time.