I do not know why today I thought about this story I wrote last summer. But I thought I would re post it for those who do not understand why children have such a hard time coming forward and telling about being abused and why most people do not speak out until they are in their late 30's early 40"s. Thanks for taking the time to read it. LITS
Unless a child has the ability to come forward when he or she is raped at the age of six, seven, eight, nine or ten years of age which most kids cannot do. I know I could not do IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then what they say later in life when they are in their 20's, 30's or 40's is memories.
So let me walk you through this since it seems so hard for you to grasp. The elders will say well the 1995 WT of November 1st pages 25-29 says that your memories are repressed since you did not come forward when you were raped at the age of 8, or 10 and now that you are 35, now you are coming forward!!! Why did you wait all of these years??? Why now??? Why are you doing this to Brother Wonderful now??? What is your problem??? You have even had Brother Wonderful to you home for meals when it was your turn to feed the speaker and you just last month worked in field service with him and now 25 years after you now CLAIM and allege he raped you when you were 7 to ten years of age!!! Now!! Jjust now you are speaking up!! If it was so horrible you would have spoken up years ago.
Then the elders go to Brother Wonderful who has by then way been promoted to being an elder or MS or pioneer and he looks at you blankly like you are truly a nut case and says why would I ever hurt you like that. It never happened and you know it! This is in front of the elders after they have met with him privately. You just stand there feeling like a fool with all the elders staring at like you truly are crazy.
You know it did happen and you are not making it up, but even you do start to doubt yourself. You suspect that it also happened to other kids in the hall too, so you go to them and ask them to help you but they know what you are going through with the elders, they know you are looking bad in front of the whole congregation, that no one is believing you and that you are living a life of hell because of it all. Even if they say that yes Brother Wonderful fondled then or made them before oral sex on him they will not be believed because they were alone when he did it. They are also in their late 30's early 40's maybe they have not even told their mates that they were raped as children.
No they all tell you Brother Wonderful is truly wonderful he never hurt us. You are crazy like the elders are telling you. You truly wonder if you are going crazy.
You watch Brother Wonderful at the next meeting picking up a toddler and holding her and insider your heart is breaking because you have no power to stop it. You wish you could die, because you died when he raped you at age 10 inside, but yet you still kept living outside. Brother Wonderful looks over at you while holding the child and similes that smile you know only too well.
Finally another adult victim you age sees the pain you are in and finallygets the courage to speak up. She goes to the elders also and says Brother Wonderful also molested her. The elders ask her the same questions they asked you. Why did you wait so long? What do you have against Brother Wonderful since you waited so long to come forward? How long have you had these memories? How do we as body of elders know they are true memories? How do know they are not repressed memories?
Brother Wonderful denies he molested this sister also.
Then they pull out the WT or 1995 and tell both victims that "Since the accusation is denied, that nothing more can be done in a judicial way. The congregation will continue to view the one accused as an innocent person, being the Bible says that there must two or three witnesses before judicial action can be taken. Even with their now being the two of you saying the same thing it still happened 25 or 30 years before and since the nature of these recalls is just too uncertain they cannot base judicial decisions on them without supporting evidence." If course there is no supporting evidence. The elders then tell you in a condescending why "this does not mean that such "memories" are viewed as false (or that they are viewed as true). But Bibles principles must be followed in establishing a matter judicially."
You leave the elders meeting in a daze. The next meeting you watch the elders backslap Brother Wonderful you even hear the COBE telling him he knows Satan was testing him these last few weeks. You meet for field service and watch the COBE put Brother Wonderful in the same car group with the single sister and her three little girls to work together in service together and you feel like throwing up.
You sit there thinking why did I not come forward when I was ten years old and say Brother Wonderful molested me in service? You beat yourself over and over, you hate yourself so much you wish you were dead. None of this is making any sense. This is the Jehovah's true religion. Why is this happening? Where is Jehovah? You just feel so desperate to be heard there is not a worse pain in the world and yet there is nothing you can do
One of the elders who was not involved in the committee case but knows everything because the elders have talked an now the whole hall knows, this elder comes up to you and says Sister LITS you look so sad. Just remember though to focus on the Kingdom, when Jehovah will do away with all crimes, throw your burden on Jehovah, read the Bible more, pray more and just go out in service more. Keep your mind off this think just 'happy thoughts.' You look puzzled at him and then he says well sometimes even elders make mistakes. You are even more puzzled. Then he tells you 'Even if Brother Wonderful is guilty though I am not saying he is' "Does he "get away with it." As it were? Certainly not! The question of his guilt or innocence can be safely left in Jehovah's hands." "Sometimes Jehovah takes years to reveal matters you just need to wait on Jehovah." "The sins of some men are publicly manifest, leading directly to judgment but as for other men their sins also become manifest later." He then asks you to read 1 Timothy 5:24; Romans 12:19; 14;12 You feel like throwing up and you never want to read the Bible again but you do as you are told like you always have and read the Scriptures not understanding a word of what you have just read because you are in such a daze. The elder then says to you "The book of Proverbs says: "The wicked man dies, his hope perishes." Proverbs 10:28 11:7 Ultimately, Jehovah God and Christ Jesus render everlasting judgment in justice" and he asks you to read 1 Corinthians 4:5 as Brother Wonderful leaves the meeting for field service caring one of the toddler and holding the hand of the eight year little girl of sister single, as brother Wonderful walks by you he winks.
You wish you were dead but you are still alive to here this elder telling you sometimes all that happens is a person just dies and is never given everlasting life, we just need to leave it all in Jehovah's hands. Jehovah knows what he is doing and sometimes he allows evil to happen.
You just cannot grasp any of this and nothing is making sense.
So even through as you say in the elders book of 1991 "If there is another witness to the same type of sin on the part of the accused, this would be basis for forming a judicial committee."-Flock book, elders' manual, published in 1991. blah, blah, it does not mean a dam thing.
Us victims do not come forward until we are older because we are so afraid of not being believed especially when we were kids being molested and yet that is what happens anyway now that we are in our 30's and 40's adults and we finally feel we can speak up about the horrible things that were done to us. We are still told we are crazy, looking for money or our memories are repressed and just too foggy to be believed. We are asked why did we not speak up when we were children and you are thinking in your head I am 40 years old and you are not believing me now, what chance in hell did I have as a 10 year old or 6 year old to be believed. What the molester said was true no would believe me if I did tell. It is true no one does even now that I am 40 years old.
Why do we come forward at all? It is because the pain inside of us hurts to much and we just cannot shut it up anymore, we died inside when we were molested at the age of 6, 8, 10 and we have been dying a slow death outside every since. The pain is just too much for us to keep quiet anymore.
There is no answer the victim dies either way you look at it.
LITS