For those of you who inactive, but not officially DFd/DAd, how do you manage?

by undercover 37 Replies latest jw friends

  • Phizzy
    Phizzy

    I am in much the same position as your good self UC and it is not much of a problem to manage,just a gentle biting of the tongue now and again, but I have to do that in public all the time anyway, as the most outrageous thoughts pop in to my mind, and rarely dare I utter them for fear of giving offense.

    What I find hard to stomach is my family's attitude that they are right and my life now is all wrong, which they cannot back up of course. I would love to give them a long tirade about all the things wrong with their lives as JW's, but it would not go in, so there is no point.

    One day my tongue biting will stop though, and listen or not, they will have the full benefit of my views. At present it is live and let live.

  • finallysomepride
    finallysomepride

    i moved country

  • snare&racket
    snare&racket

    Like a dog returning to vomit.....

    Went back once 4 ears ago, the meeting sounded like an advertising campaign and the haze was totally lifted for me, I saw every item for what it was... instruction for recruitment. Dissapointing, but reassuring.

  • Nice_Dream
    Nice_Dream

    I am so fortunate that my immediate family are all out of the religion now, and we were the only JWs in our entire family. However, my husband's immediate family are all hardcore witnesses and his Dad recently became an elder which will make things more interesting.

    We were pestered by witnesses on an almost monthly basis when we first stopped attending meetings and tried avoiding them at the door. Now they only stop by around Memorial time. Recently a sister came and I thought it was the mail lady and answered the door. She was very pleasant and told me she knew things must be "up in the air" for me. I'm not quite sure what she meant by that, but she returned a few days later with her elder husband and I didn't answer the door.

    We celebrate holidays now, we just don't put up decorations because JWs frequently drive by our home. One day I'd like to move just to be totally free of their control. If it wasn't for my inlaws, I wouldn't care if I was found out. I'm sure they will discover our secret sooner or later and disown us, but for now we are trying to avoid that as best we can by not being too obvious.

    We had distanced ourselves from our JW "friends" before we faded. And we don't mention anything about the religion to the ones who occasionally talk to us.

    My heart goes out to all those whose families are still in and are experiencing shunning.

  • IsaacJ22
    IsaacJ22

    In my own mind, I stopped going to meetings cold turkey. But now that I think about it, I realize that I had been floundering for a fews years and would go through spells where I'd stop going for a couple of weeks at a time before restarting again. That's because I found it all so hopelessly miserable. Yet I blamed myself for feeling that way, just as we were taught to do. Finally, I hit a wall and realized I needed to get away from the whole thing. So I decided to quit going to meetings until I saw a reason to return. (I never did.) I wanted to decide for myself if their truth was true or not.

    I told my wife about it. She was very upset, though she never had good meeting attendance herself. JWs started crawling out of the woodwork about 2 weeks later. I suspect someone made an announcement about me or took it upon themselves to spread the word. I would call what took place over the next 2 years or so harassment, even by the legal definition. If I had completely made up my mind that this wasn't "the truth" back then, I would have notified the police. Looking back, I wish I had done so.

    The only special effort I made in escaping the KH was avoiding the topic of religion with Witnesses, though they kept bringing it up. In recent years, whenever a Witness goes there, I simply warn them that they don't want to have that conversation with me. When they insist (they almost always insist) I shift focus to how their belligerant behavior and superior attitude only pushes me further away instead of drawing me closer to their faith. Note that, as an atheist, I tend to focus more on their actions than their beliefs anyway. (I don't dislike them for being JWs; I dislike it when they act like superior, closed-minded jerks.)

    Ultimately, I've never been DFed, though I seriously considered DA many times. If I had come out to an elder, I might have been. But that never happened. The Witnesses I was close to felt just as miserable and oppressed as I did. I am no longer close to them, of course. On some level, they seem to think that I'm just some crazy mixed up kid who'll find his way back some day, even though I'm nearly 40. They remember how miserable I was and seem to assume that everything other reason I give is just a smoke screen. If any of them have reported me, nothing has come from it. I've never gone out of my way to try deconverting any of them, so they only have so much to report anyway.

    Most Witnesses literally just ignore me as if I've been DFed even if they want to talk with my wife and I'm standing right next to her. This is especially true of the older ones. My wife, though still a JW, rarely participates in what they do and sees many of the flaws that I see. I think that's a good thing. All in all, things are WAY better since I left.

  • snakeface
    snakeface

    I was very high profile, always on the platform, conducting meeting parts, taking the lead in field service meetings. I was deleted from being a MS but still had other "privileges" such as carrying the mikes, sound system, offering prayer, being on the school, being in platform demonstrations...then one day several years ago I just never went back. Never even turned in the territory I was holding. After a few weeks an elder left a phone msg to call back but I did not return his call. That was it. No one ever came by or called afterward. Recently an elder and his wife drove by as I was walking down the street. They honked the horn, smiled and waved. I waved back. They could clearly see my goatee. If they were to come to my door I'd simply tell them I no longer consider myself one of them and do not wish to receive any further visits.

  • pmljohn
    pmljohn

    After my first marriage began to fall apart, I stopped going on a regular basis. My family did not live local, so it was easy to avoid any of the unpleasant conversations that would surely have occurred if they did live close by. Eventually, after my divorce, I was honest about not going or participating in any JW activities. Of course I still got the push from the parents to go to the Memorial, which made no sense and sounded very hypocritical to me. Needless to say, I didn't, and I don't.

    I did get visits, not from my elders, but from a different bunch. Some remembered me, or people I knew, so there was an effort to get me back. I would get a regular visit from a few elders, and we would have great conversations about why I choose to leave and why they felt I should come back. But when I started asking real questions, challenging doctrine, changes, the GB and the WTBTS, guess what?? The visits ceased. In fact, the younger elder got a bit pissy when I questioned them. I knew they would stop when they could not answer any of my questions in a satisfactory manner. What was satisfactory to me you ask? Prove anything that they believe, without using the bible or their literature. And for those of you who took time and really studied and learned about life, the world, nature and history, know that they really can't prove a thing.

    So, I am happily married again. I have two well behaved, obedient children. The things I did by the time I was 14 and before, leading the double life of an elder's son, is no example that I would ever present to my kids. They are innocent and hopeful. They do not think everyone is wicked and will lead them to fornicate or do drugs. And guess what? Those things don't happen like I was taught they would. People on the outside are much more honest, wholesome and they behave, not because they are required to, but because that is who they want to be and what they want to do. I do not miss anything from that cult. I do dislike that all those "friends" I had over the years, many of them disappeared, wanting nothing to do with me. We shared the same interests, of music, food, fun, etc. But eliminate the cult out of the equation, and suddenly, I am shunned. F' em!! I am happy and completely honest, after so many years of conflict, wickedness and dishonesty.

  • tresdecu
  • willyloman
    willyloman

    What pmljohn said!

    When u exercise your conscience because what you really see around you at the KH is hypocrisy, intolerance and judgmentalism, when you leave and turn your back on that toxic doomsday lifestyle, then you discover that you've moved to the moral high ground.

    Once you realize the Universe is in charge and things are happening the way they should and your sole obligation is to get in synch with the spirit around you, it becomes clear that the JW attempt to make the universe fit into their narrow little box is an exercise in futility.

  • Quirky1
    Quirky1

    UC, you described my actions to a tee.... I did, however, attend the memorial for the first time this year since '07 for my other half's interest.. I have had no problems here...

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