Abuser Says Sorry to His Daughter

by sizemik 6 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

  • sizemik
    sizemik

    This is not about a JW . . .

    But it raises a number of issues regarding child sexual abuse . . . positive and negative.

    Thought I would post for discussion . . .

    Abuser Says Sorry to His Daughter

    DAVID CLARKSON - The Press, Christchurch 20/02/2010

    A father has apologised and thanked his 13-year-old daughter for standing up to him to stop the sexual abuse he inflicted on her for four years.

    "I no longer refer to him as my father," the poised teenager said as she read her victim impact statement to Christchurch District Court at the 39-year-old man's sentencing.

    The Christchurch labourer was jailed for 12 years by Judge Gary MacAskill, who said the victim and her mother had "bravely read" their statements in court.

    The man had admitted charges of sexually violating his daughter.

    The public and other family members were excluded from the court as the girl and her mother read their victim impact statements.

    "Daddies aren't supposed to do what he did to me," said the girl, telling the man she now looked forward to having "an awesome life".

    He had made her feel disgusting and bad about herself.

    "I still have nightmares and I am scared of being alone. I have panic attacks. He made me hit rock bottom but I am no longer there."

    The man stood wiping his eyes as the girl told the court: "I want to make sure he never hurts another little girl again."

    The mother said she was embarrassed and ashamed about being associated with the man, who she had known for 22 years and eventually married.

    "The man I once loved and trusted is a sexual predator – a child rapist. He did not anticipate that this brave young lady would stand up to him to protect her younger siblings," she said.

    She said she felt guilty because she did not realise earlier what he was doing.

    Defence counsel Rupert Glover read letters from the man addressed to his daughter and to his wife.

    He apologised to his daughter "for what I put you through – the secrets that you kept must always have been a nightmare for you".

    He said that a similar thing had happened to him.

    "I am prepared to accept your wrath for my guilt."

    He thanked her for stopping the offending by standing up to him.

    "I am now and always will be sorry for what I have put you through."

    The letter told his wife that he realised he was the cause of all the bad things in her life for 22 years. Crown prosecutor Nicola Robson said he had offended against a vulnerable victim, within a family, over a long period, causing great harm.

    Judge MacAskill said the offending arose from the man's "distorted thinking". He had seen himself as being in love with the victim, and saw her as an equal participant in the relationship.

    He had no alcohol and drug issues.

    Judge MacAskill said the victim and her mother wanted the man's name published, but he said that because the victim was aged under 16 and he could not be certain publication would not lead to her identification, he would make a final suppression order.

  • FlyingHighNow
    FlyingHighNow

    When a parent crosses the sexual boundaries with a child, he or she can never go back. He or she will never be daddy or mommy again. Ever. I don't care if he/she apologizes. The older the victim gets, the more the victim will understand this. The day a parent crosses that boundary, the parent buries that parent.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    A true skeptic here. I have to wonder how much his "apology" was said in the hopes of recieving a lighter sentence.

    I have had a few abusers in my office - supposedly to apologize to their daughter (my clients) Rarely did they accept full responsiblity or were they willing to disclose everything they had done. I got to the point where I could not do it anymore and refused to mediate these "apologies".

    In the end the most powerful thign the girl did was report him and have him arrested. More than his apology the way she stood up for herself is the best lesson in self-empowerment. Great too that her mother stood by her side and not on the side of the abuser. Times are changing.

  • sizemik
    sizemik

    I agree FHN . . . this is one very brave 13 year old child. And a decent sized sentence for a change.

    It's heartening to see the courts recognising and acknowledging this. L Lee, I agree also . . . it's easy to be apologetic after you're caught . . . but why couldn't this man take steps to stop his own offending earlier if he knew it was so wrong? Four years is a long time to excuse yourself.

  • Band on the Run
    Band on the Run

    I was never overtly sexual abused but everything else. Raised as a Witness in a very isolated family, I felt that I was no good. Somehow I deserved the abuse or certainly Jehovah would save me. I was the primary scapegoat. Too much of his thought process focused on me. I was not a daughter but the enemy to be crushed. One night he beat my brother and sister, too. My thinking changed radically. I sent letters to magazines asking for help. They responded.

    I might be wretched and deserve abuse. Protecting my brother and sister, who were not bad or evil, gave me great courage.

    I hope her life is awesome. My father died as he was pulling me out of high school. Sending a parent to prison is necessary. The emotional price must be high. If only her father obeyed society's norms and Biblical values, she would not have to go through this ordeal. My father belonged in prison and in prison for a long time. Serious bodily injury and death were issues. Even the social welfare agency looked the other way back then. Now they would have an affirmative duty and could be sued for liability for not acting forcefully.

    When will these stories ever stop? I met someone whose father is in prison for life for killing her sister. How do you live with that?

  • still thinking
    still thinking

    What a brave girl and a great mother! As for the father, he will probably never stop feeling sorry for himself. No sympathy for him....whatsoever.

    The fact that many abusers have been abused themselves is NO excuse. There are many that have been abused that do not go on to abuse. Why are they different? It is a poor excuse for unforgiveable behaviour.

    I agree with Flying High....they no longer have the right to call themselves parents.

  • White Dove
    White Dove

    He's sorry he got caught.

    He enjoyed the power he had over her.

    They all do. That's a fact backed up by studies and interviews with molesters.

    Sometimes, they are glad they got caught so they are prohibited from abusing, again.

    They know good and well they would abuse again.

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