"In Speech, Bush Calls Iraq, Iran and North Korea 'Axis of Evil"-N.Y. Times, 1/30/02
ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA, SYRIA FORM AXIS OF 'JUST AS EVIL'
Beijing (SatireWire.com) - Bitter after being snubbed for
membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria
today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil,"
which they said would be way eviler than that stupid
Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of his
State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the
new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name.
"Right. They are Just as Evil... in their dreams!" declared
North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the
best evils... best at being evil... we're the best."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being
excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could
join the Axis of Evil.
"They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar
al-Assad.
"An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained
Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's
tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and
Japan in the evil Axis. So you can only have three. And a
secret handshake. Ours is wicked cool."
THE AXIS PANDEMIC
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration
was swift as, within minutes, France surrendered.
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain
triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical
chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Uzbekistan said they had formed
the Axis of Somewhat Evil, forcing Somalia to join with
Zimbabwe and Myanmar in the Axis of Occasionally Evil,
while Belarus, Turkmenistan and Uganda established the Axis
of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable.
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable
clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda
applied to be called the Axis of Countries That Aren't the
Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics;
Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the Axis of Nations
That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty
Thoughts About America.
While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't
perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval
for most axes, although he rejected the establishment of
the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in "Guay," accusing
one of its members of filing a false application. The White
House did not indicate which country had applied under a
false name, and officials from all three applicants-
Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay-denied the charges.
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any
Axis, but privately, world leaders claimed that this was
only because no one had asked them.