Thank you again to Simon and et al for this space to write.
I feel guilty if people go to the trouble of reading my vent - you all have enough on your plates. Having said that - this is helping me through a bad few hours where several things came to a head. So forgive me if I keep tapping.
By the I have started volunteering, and LOVE it. Thanks for the heads up though - I knew I needed to make myself feel valuable and with purpose.
i don't do rejection well - I really don't.
I don't think anyone does rejection "well" - but in my case, the sting of rejection taps into an old childhood issue.
Two of my closest friends who have been wonderful to me in the past -( and I hope I have cared for them through the years ) have said that it's hard to maintain a relationship with me as I have been offensive about the Slave. I showed them a series of issues with intellectual dishonesty in the magazines, these issues were brought to my attention by a recipient of my preaching work a few years ago. LOL. Trinity brochure, Creation book etc.
What really got me was my trusted friends' complete refusal to admit to a problem.
Instead, one accused me of being ungrateful to Jehovah by rejecting his 'bread' or criticising it. That hurt. I am a people pleaser it would seem - being reviled and having my character undermined hurts and I find it hard to not let the sting undermine my inner sense of self.
I haven't handled all this entirely well I have to admit - but you know, I kind of guessed that one way or the other, our absence meant we were dead meat.
I have presented criticisms and exposed problems as in " how would an outsider see this?"
People are desperately tired of religion - we held up this "faith" as the only hope - and then we give them evidence of not having Holy Spirit... by biblical standards.
People deserve better than this. Becoming JW is not like becoming a Christian.
i experienced an outpouring of criticism and self defence, ending with them proudly announcing that at least "they held fast to loyalty".