Struggling

Alive!

Hi

i read here regularly and although I haven't joined in, I really appreciate all the wonderful contributions from those who are willing to share their experiences....

i was a convert. I won't go into the whole history ( perhaps another day) - my story could easily be recognised in the small town where I live, with my husband.

So, we stopped going to the meetings around a period of time when we were going through severe emotional difficulties - at that point, we needed unconditional family love - the hectic, forced JW dinner parties and social occasions gave no real comfort.

When we started going again - it was clear to us that we were "marked"....invites to social events would be called out to others, over our heads. We had fought a deeply personal battle and had come through, we were standing firm together and here we were, feeling like outcasts in our congregational "family" as we plastered on smiles and tried to get back into congregation life.

i guess it hit us, that we had no JW friends who we could trust as "life buddies".

I started going out on service nearly every day - my heart sank more and more as uncomfortable realities kept challenging me. I would endure, for the "truth". But the "truth" was falling apart.

The generation teachings, the incredible inconsistency of the blood doctrine.

I challenged a couple of highly experienced pioneer friends to explain how fractionated blood drawn from stored whole blood is a matter of conscience, I asked them to imagine the question came from a non-witness. My heart sank further as I listened to these people talk absolute rubbish.

it's like 'cake' - they said. All the ingredients make cake, but apart from cake they are something else, eggs, flour etc.

My pioneer friends missed the point completely that blood, "sacred blood" must be drawn and stored to produce fractions. When I pointed this out - they ran a mile.

One said they'd do some research. Really? Never heard back.

I could write pages....your stories and experiences reflect mine so closely, I could easily cut and paste the posts of others and claim them as my own!

We've gone from being a "much loved" popular couple to having no support network in our home town. We are 60 years old. No children. Out in the cold. We invested in a "family" that is not family unless you swallow the same lies and deceits.

I struggle, the toll on my mental health is huge.

I wouldn't wish this on anyone (((( hugs)))) to you all.

Hairtrigger

Hi Alive,

Sorry to hear of your troubled experiences in the cult. Since you are out now, try the good life. Away from this coersive body of roaches that pass as humans. Wecome to the forum.

HT

Crazyguy

60 with no children, I'm willing to bet you gave up that idea to serve and have kids later in the new system.

berrygerry

We've gone from being a "much loved" popular couple to having no support network in our home town. We are 60 years old. No children. Out in the cold. We invested in a "family" that is not family unless you swallow the same lies and deceits.

That is horribly sad.

Outsiders cannot imagine the idiocy of the JW "new world order.," the "spiritual paradise" that you word well - "invested in." It is/was an investment.

I'm in a larger city, so I have optimism.

If in your hometown, can you connect with people from your past, past workmates, past schoolmates, etc.? (Don't start explaining the cult to them!!)

FayeDunaway

Alive! You ARE alive! And it's time to start living! Start digging into things you are passionate about, pursue hobbies more rigorously, plan a big fun trip you can look forward to. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Whatever you have especially loved your whole life, go after it now! You will meet new friends on the way.

You are a valuable lovable woman. Find a new community who sees that and doesn't just like you for what you do for THEM.

ToesUp

Welcome Alive!

I agree with FayeDunaway. Start enjoying your life. We have experienced similar things from our supposed friends and family. We finally had to come to the realization that these are are NOT our friends. Friends don't do those things to each other. It's one of the hardest realizations to come to grips with but once I (we) did it, I (we) have moved on. We feel so much better and are happy. Truly happy!

Giordano

Sorry you have experienced this. I left over 4 decades ago........ one reason was the Blood doctrine.......... the other Armageddon........ of course the JW Society also factored in. I perceived that the Society was reckless with the lives, health and education of their followers. They say and ask for foolish things from those who trust them the most and then they ask again.

While we were never shunned it never mattered. The JW's can only know themselves as individuals by hearing what others say about them and seeing themselves reflected. If you go dark on a JW they run away.

I would urge you to dismiss their conduct and lack of love as symptomatic of unspiritual people. If you believe make it personal and private.

My wife and I live in a town of 7,000 in Western Virginia, we volunteer and try to make our community a better place to live in. Volunteers are respected by other volunteers. You can make new friends quickly.

Keep in mind that people who volunteer and do so unconditionally are usually some of the finest people in a community.

Magnum

it's like 'cake' - they said. All the ingredients make cake, but apart from cake they are something else, eggs, flour etc.

I absolutely detest that illustration; I've heard it used by several JWs (not with cake, though). So suppose one night I take the wheels and tires off those pioneers' cars. Then somebody else comes along and takes the engine. Then somebody else the transmission, then the somebody else the seats, etc., until there is no car. Those pioneers come out the next morn and yell "who stole our cars?" According their reasoning, I and the others could say nobody. We just took "fractions"; we just took "ingredients"; we just took parts. We didn't steal the car.

Or what if they had a pizza and were very hungry but had to leave for a few minutes and told me not to eat it. Suppose I picked off the pepperoni and then the olives and ate them. Then I scraped the cheese and tomato sauce off the crust and ate it. Lastly, I ate the crust. They come home and say "we said not to eat our pizza!" I say "I didn't eat the pizza; I ate the ingredients. I separated the ingredients and ate them individually. I ate the pepperoni, the olives, the cheese, the tomato sauce, and the crust."

Blood is a just a mixture of different components. They say abstain from blood, yet they allow separating it into those components and using those in ways that they wouldn't if they had not separated them? It's illogical.

Alive!

Thank you for your replies.

Yes, hoped to have children in the "new system" - the high profile Elder and his wife who originally studied with us, were strong supporters of the "no children" thing as were several of their Elder family friends.

I have watched witness children in my congregation fall into serious drug abuse, losing their lives, turning to prostitution. It's seriously upset me over the years how many kids fall on the wayside, get left behind because "they need to come back to Jehovah".

A sister bumped into me in a local showing mall recently - after saying how well I looked, she put on a sad face and said "have you left Jehovah - will you return to him?".

Another sent me a poem a couple of years ago.....which was half jokey and half serious - the last line ended "RIP Bob and Sue" after references to our departure from regular meeting attendance.

These particular Sisters wield a fair amount of social control in our congregation.

i guess some of you will know the sickening in the stomach feeling such personalities can cause......once upon a time these women "loved" to be my friends....I guess I was a more attractive associate when I was in the zone, when I had hundreds of 'friends'.

Now - it's like they never existed.

During the months where our attendance was patchy, I remember being asked to host a party for a couple of young witnesses who were getting engaged. We had 100 plus people in our large entertainment friendly home. It was a stunning night. A few weeks later, the same month they held a going away party to which the entire congregation was invited -.5 minutes before we left the Sunday meeting, one of their flat mates asked if we'd like to come. We had no idea there was to be a party, so we turned up expecting a small gathering for this "last minute" BBQ.

When we walked in and saw the huge banquet and nearly the entire congregation, we realised with a stab that we had been invited as last minute thought.

I knew what was going on - I suspected there was a form of marking - a couple of months later we were not invited to a congregation do - great apologies from the organising team, but we hadn't been at the meeting where invites were distributed.

That's right. I was struggling with depression. I needed comfort. True and kind social interaction. Warm cheer...the stuff of human life. But no meeting, well no invite.

We had ZERO converts in our congregation from outside in the 25 years we attended and made this "truth our own". Except for a couple of seriously whacky people.

Guess it works for some ......and of course, we who leave are the ones with the problem.

Sorry, I sound bitter. I don't think I am though - I'm hurt to the core..

sparrowdown

Your story, this story is being played out in congregations the world over 😢.

More and more genuine, sincere people such as yourself are discovering in their hour of need, that the congregation is not full of "true" friends at all. In fact the congregation is full of big fat spineless phonies.

Kinda like finding out the money you have been faithfully depositing into your superannuation fund over the years has been embezzled. It sucks to be sure and hurts like hell. But the only thing worse would not knowing.

It's not too late to be happy.

Struggling

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