Slander in the congregation.

VioletAnai

Kaethra's comment on a sister's paranoia about slander behind her back got me thinking of my mums own suspicions.

She married my dad when he was an unbaptized person and this was frowned upon. She'd been previously married and had to divorce cause he had another wife in another country. So she already had this over her head. Then all us kids turn out to be 'black shee' and leave the org as we grew. Dad left not long after they were married and she has endured crap from his jw parents for years. Eventually they pushed her straight out of the family and she got fed up and divorced. Then they turn round and say that she shouldn't have divorced dad, it wasn't christian, she had no grounds (he was sleeping round, truckie's are renowned for this). They absolutely gave her hell. Now I don't class these two as jw's or even as grandparents, they are hypocrites.

So now my mother, divorced for 10 years is paranoid that my grandparents have spread lies about her everywhere they went. Whenever she moves to a new congregation, she is fine for the first week, everyone comes up and smiles and gets to know you. Then I guess your history arrives from the previous congregation and all is revealed. Mum has been the best witness eva and I thank her for the great moral start she gave me in life. She is just so depressed now that no one cares and they all judge her for her past marriage even though it wasn't her fault. My grandparents are especially cruel. I used to tell mum it was all in her mind, now I'm not so sure.

I've now read many an istance where the new congregation gets a letter from the previous elders, telling them all about the new bro/sis and they're history, whether it be field service records, judical meetings, probably how many times you go to the toilet during songs and parts, whether you're tardy, and how often you smile at the elders. My mum has suffered years of mental torment not knowing where she stands in the congregations she goes too. I'm deeply hurt that she can't just forget about them and get on with serving Jehovah afterall his opinion is the only one who counts. Now I think she has a personality disorder, very low self esteem. Like mother like daughter. Luv you mum!!!!!!

I've got lots of luv to give, but no one wants it! - Mona.

William Penwell

Dear Mona,

I can understand fully what your mother is going through. I know with my own situation that after my divorce, my ex spread rumors about me. To this day there are certain ones that still treat me differently. All the best to you and take each day as it comes and enjoy life to the fullest.

Will

"I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkey's."
Mark Twain

Gopher

Violet,

This is all so sad. You said about your mum,

I'm deeply hurt that she can't just forget about them and get on with serving Jehovah afterall his opinion is the only one who counts.

As long as she stays in any congregation, she will be exposed to these scornful attitudes. Too bad, I wish it were any other way but this! But the truth of the matter is, the congregations are filled with judgmental people ready to pounce on any weakness or imperfection they perceive, or they hear about.

It's like the scriptural warning said (I think it came from the book of James), "Watch out that you do not devour one another!" But that is exactly what JW's do, in their quest to be the most impressive. They step on top of and over each other to do so!

Ever since I've left "the truth", I have found people who like me and love me for who I am, and not what someone else's opinion is, or for how many hours I got in field service last month, etc. I have found far more love, helpfulness and concern out here (on the whole) than I could ever have dreamed to have found inside the now-unfriendly confines of the Kingdom Hall. (I attended 5 halls in nearly 4 decades.)

I hope you and your mum both find peace and people who really love you. You deserve better than what you're getting.

J.R.Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Kaethra

VioletAnai,

I'm sorry about what your mom has had to endure.

I would like to point out, however, that my friend is not being *paranoid* about slander being spread about her. I'm certain that she is indeed being slandered, for many reasons. Slander is a very effective borg weapon when the elders find one difficult to deal with for one reason or another...it would seem that you are already aware of this because of knowing your mom's history. My friend was difficult to deal with because she left an abusive husband...her husband, on the other hand, is well-connected in the congregations and has all his "privileges" intact. (My friend has not been disfellowshipped nor disassociated, by the way.)

I once heard an elder conducting a meeting on the topic of disfellowshipping say that a person can be reinstated but that 'it's never the same'. I remember thinking at the time, 'What a cruel thing to say...what's the point of being reinstated if it's never the same? Does Jesus' sacrifice mean nothing for the reinstated then?' I believe that that elder's comment reflects the mind set of the leadership and thus the majority....that is, that those who have been disfellowshipped and reinstated are still considered by many to be fair game for the vicious borg gossip mill.

anewperson

Apart from any Juducial Committe sin file stuff that is "normally" sealed for 7 years before locally "normally" destroyed though with a copy kept forever at the main branch, they do also mail or telephone comments about you to the next congregation. Is this true Christianity?

VioletAnai

Sorry Kaethra, I didn't exactly mean 'paranoia' as such, afterall I'm willing to admit now that mum is NOT paranoid. I've seen it first hand. Is she aware of the slander or does she just get strange looks and avoided like someone infected with ebola? Tell her to be strong. Don't let them get the better of her thinking. She is special in my eyes and in Jehovah's. I think it's an especially good quality to luv the wicked as well as the faithful. Just grin and bare it and prove them wrong in their unendless need for theocratic acceptance.

I admire anyone downtrodden by anyone or anything.

I've got lots of luv to give, but no one wants it! - Mona.

Moxy

a letter is always sent with a new publisher, and actually it IS scriptural according to Ro 16:1 (and i think other places too) where paul recommends people into new congregations. if one wanted to take issue with the content of the comments, thats another matter.

mox

buffalosrfree

This post remnds of how some I knew about were treated even tho they had returned to the fold so to speak and had been reinstated. One brother in particular who had been reinstated years before I got to that particular congregation, still had no priviledges, now some 13 years of knowing him, he still has no real priviledges in the congregation. Its like they have elephantitis, they never forget, unless of course you are a child of one of the powerful elders and then things are quickly forgiven and you are reinstted in record speed.

I know of several of these incidences, one elders step daughter was reinstated 6 months after getting divorced from her hubby, she remarried her boyfriend, he ex remarried another elders daughter.

my my real fair play huh? Peyton place there in good ole sin diego.

won't get any more specific than that.

Scully

mox writes:

a letter is always sent with a new publisher, and actually it IS scriptural according to Ro 16:1 (and i think other places too) where paul recommends people into new congregations. if one wanted to take issue with the content of the comments, thats another matter.

A 'letter of recommendation' as it is written in Rom 16:1 should be positive in nature, don't you think? After all, if it contained gossip or information that would lead others to make negative value judgements about the person who is being described therein, it hardly constitutes a "recommendation", does it?

Secondly, it's rather difficult to take issue with the contents when you are either not permitted to read the letter yourself or the existence of such a letter is denied. One would think that the person being written about would deserve the courtesy of a copy, but the WTS does not do that (in order to protect the WTS from libel suits probably), which makes it easy for the elders to deny that any communication, other than the transfer of field service records, has taken place when someone moves to another congregation.

Also, when Paul wrote to the Corinthian congregation, he made an about face on the topic, stating that a person's Christian conduct was all the recommendation that was necessary:

2 Corinthians 3:1-3
Are we starting again to recommend ourselves? Or do we, perhaps, like some men, need letters of recommendation to you or from you? You yourselves are our letter, inscribed on our hearts and known and being read by all mankind. For you are shown to be a letter of Christ written by us as ministers, inscribed not with ink but with the spirit of a living God, not on stone tablets, but on fleshly tablets, on hearts.

This slanderous behaviour is just one more example of how the WTS has become the 20th and 21st centuries' Pharisees.

Love, Scully

JEMIMAH

In the UK the elders destroy all incoming letters of intro after reading them to the local body, except for letters about Molesters

We had a long meeting with the travelling overseers about slander and these letters, in order to comply with The UK data protection any thing that can't be written down is relayed by telephone to the relevant PO

We spent 2 hours discussing words we can and can't use in these letters

If a person is in "clean Standing" with the cong, any former judicial decisions can not be passed on to the new cong, however often in the telephone conversation between PO's "things do slip out by over eager elders, who cant help but stab others in the back

Jem

Slander in the congregation.

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