I was digging through some old JW papers and ran across this little gem of JW humor. At the time, 1991, I remember thinking, from my perspective as a WT drone, that this was the height of edgy satire within the organization. And maybe I was right. it certainly does express some of the dissatisfaction that JWs experienced during this era ar cutting back on what rudiments of pleasure were to be found at conventions (the great food and the live music especially). Anyway, for your enjoyment:
The 1991 "Kingdom Simplification" convention
How excited and encouraged we were when the arrangements for the 1991 "Kingdom Simplification" Convention were announced at the 1990 "Pure Language" District Conventions this past summer. At this time, we would like to provide more details as to this new convention arrangement.
As announced, we will no longer meet in large, crowded stadiums and arenas. Each family will be provided with a "Convention Carton" containing everything needed to have the district convention in your home. This simplified arrangement will save countless hours arranging such things as securing convention locations, rooming accommodations and food service.
The entire 1991 convention program will be provided in a set of eight video cassette tapes, featuring the finest public speakers from all over the United States. Two dramas are also included on the tapes and will be especially beneficial.
Food Service: included in your "Convention Carton" will be a selection of convention foods including hoagies, chips, assorted sandwiches, and Vess cola. Many will be pleased to know that burritos will be included, since they can be reheated in your oven and microwave at home. We encourage everyone not to eat while the program tapes are being viewed.
Our Christian Manners: We encourage all of you who own VCR players to invite those less fortunate to your home to view the convention program together. If you are visiting another person's home, we urge you to treat their home with respect, not cooking in their bedrooms, taking mattresses off their beds, and not spending additional days at their homes for visiting after the convention tapes are viewed.
Song and Prayer: This is part of our worship. It would be very disrespectful to fast forward the tape, or run out to the kitchen to heat up a burrito.
New Publications: any new publications released will be included in your "Convention Carton". These are hermetically sealed in dark plastic envelopes, and each envelope is marked in order of release. We encourage you not to open these envelopes until instructed on the video program.
A Timely Provision for Youths: Most youths find that District conventions offer them the opportunity to acquaint themselves with prospective partners in life. Therefore, the "Convention Carton" will include a set of cards with photographs and descriptions of available units in good standing in your convention area. We encourage you not to look through these cards while viewing the convention video.
We are assured that this simplified arrangement will result in a convention that is not only more convenient for all who attend, but will also lead to undistracted concentration on the delightsome program that has been arranged.
