Ex wants to bring kids to church

by jws 4 Replies latest jw friends

  • jws
    jws

    My ex just texted me that my 9-year old daughter said that "Daddy doesn't believe in God and that if there is a god, he hates kids".

    I personally don't think that I ever said anything about not believing in God. Just that I don't know and if he does exist, the bible couldn't be his book. As for hating kids, I have no idea where she got it. I think she saw a video clip about Abraham sacrificing his son. Or maybe about God slaughtering the firstborn Egyptian children, who had no decision-making power in the pharoah's decision to keep the Jews as slaves. I may have had a discussion with her about how God was playing both sides of that. Pharoah would be about to give in, then God would harden his heart. So I guess God wanted to enact all the plagues, including killing the Egyptian children.

    She's a smart girl. She can figure out these things for herself and determined God hates children apparently.

    So now my ex thinks she should start bringing the kids to church. Our kids have never gone to church. At least not during our marriage until my daughter was 8 and a half. Since then, who knows what happens when she has them? But they never mentioned it. She recently got remarried and one of my kid's fears was having to go to church because my ex's new husband is religious.

    I hate the thought of my kids going to church. The ex was Baptist. I don't know what her new husband is, but it's the south so if I went with demographics, I'd have to lay odds on him being Baptist too.

    It's like taking them someplace that teaches the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus are real too. Something my ex wife wanted to prolong as long as possible too. I don't want them believing in a 6000 year old Earth, talking snakes, global floods, or all the other BS and dual-thinking believing in the bible requires.

    I told my wife as much in a reply. That I'm OK with teaching them there is a God. There might be. But asked if the bible is divine or manmade. That if it was divine, it wouldn't have so many contradictions. Why confuse the kids with that mess?

    My ex and I only went to church briefly in the whole 14.5 years we were together, except for one brief period. She was having trouble getting pregnant and had a couple of miscarriages. She decided she should be more religious. We searched for a church. I didn't like any of them for various reasons. But, we settled on one anyway. Eventually, she said she got tired of my grumbling about going and we quit. A while later, a medical issue was fixed and we had 2 kids. She never talked about going to church again. And unless the kids aren't telling me something, she hasn't gone in the year and a half since she moved out.

    I don't really want this to become an issue between my ex and I with the kids caught in the middle. Kids trying to please each of us. It's a bad move for her anyway. The kids don't want to go. They will be bored out of their skulls and are too smart for a lot of the religious BS. This will only cause the kids to resent her new husband and resent her for marrying him.

    I don't see a way out. The kids are going to be affected if she starts this. We each have opinions on what we want to teach the kids that conflict. She'll be filling their heads with fairy tales and I'll be filling their heads with humanism to counteract it. And the kids will want to please each of us.

    I know a lot of people have gone through similar things with ex spouses trying to raise kids JW. At least I won't have to deal with the shunning. But who knows what other troubles might lurk. Would she sue for full custody because I don't believe the bible. This is the south and there are many very religious people here, including judges.

    Any way to reduce the internal conflict within the kids? Any way to stop the ex?

  • jamiebowers
    jamiebowers

    I think you should consult an attornet frst and a therapist second. Good luck!

  • jws
    jws

    Well, no worries this morning. My son (8) called me a few minutes ago and couldn't hear me, hung up. Called back, no answer. Called ex's cell and she sounded like she partied well into the night and was fast asleep.

    It's already after 9 and I obviously woke her, so it looks like no church this morning!

    Who knows? In two weeks when she has them again, she may have forgotten all about the shock of what my daughter told her. She's generally not ambitious and had never really showed a desire to attend church until she thought it was a last resort for her and pregnancy issues. Her new husband is the wildcard though. He may be pushing.

  • Ding
    Ding

    It's best if the parents can agree, but if they can't then the general rule is that the parent who has primary custody of the children through the court order gets to determine the religious upbringing (or lack thereof) of the children.

    Check with your attorney regarding your own situation and where you stand legally.

  • jws
    jws

    We split the time 50/50, but techically, according to the paperwork, I am the custodial parent. Because my lawyer wasn't aware of the new joint custody laws, or because his fill-in-the blanks paperwork wasn't up-to-date, it got worded the old way with a custodial parent being designated (me) and time being split 50/50. Should have been joint. But she signed off on it. So if that is the case, that's good for me.

    I'd prefer a more agreeable solution than having to have somebody court-ordered to do (or not do) something, because that's going to disrupt harmony. Right now, we work well together over the kids. And what would a court order do? What if she tries to teach them religion anyway? I what? Take her to court and get full custody? I don't think that's healthy for the kids either. They should have both parents. Taking one away may be more a more disturbing trauma than having us battle over beliefs.

    It might just blow over. A reaction to a statement that fades. Despite her shock yesterday, she wasn't in church today. But I suppose I should be ahead of the game and be prepared with a plan if it does start to happen.

    I think I'm going to start with a talk with the ex about it first and in-person. Maybe we can come to an agreement.

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