Noah's Ark - a story from the Newest Testament

by Anony Mous 0 Replies latest jw friends

  • Anony Mous
    Anony Mous

    I translated this from somebody sending this to me in another language. I found it funny this was circulating among JW's.

    The Lord saw the land in the year 2010. The land was overpopulated and bad. He therefore decided to destroy this part of his creation. The Lord descended and gave Noah the instructions to build an ark and take with him 2 samples of every living thing together with some good people to save.

    Here's the plan said God, hurry because in 6 months it will start raining for 40 days and 40 nights. The Weather Channel will not be able to explain it and probably blame it on things like 'global warming' or something. 6 months later it started raining. The Lord looked down and saw Noah crying in his somewhat submerged garden but he saw no Ark. "Noah" he thundered "where is my Ark".

    "Forgive me Lord" prayed Noah. "The rules have changed a lot since back in the day". I had to get a special building permit from the Bureau of Planning & Zoning and I had to discuss it with inspectors of the insurance company in relation to my property insurance. My neighbors claimed I went over their property line and that with my Ark I didn't respect the township's maximum building height. Also they complained with police about excessive noise and they came and measured it. I had to go several times to City Hall to get building permits, now the County has my case in their hands. Also members of the Department of Public Work have been involved. They demand an assurance for the future possible cost of changes to the infrastructure of the Ark if it gets moved to the ocean. I told them the ocean would come here but they didn't believe it. Also I am now daily being harassed by people from the paper, television and the gossip magazines.

    The buying of the wood was another problem. Leftist don't want me to cut down the local trees to protect the spotted owl. I tried convincing the activists that I needed the wood to protect the owl and the good people but they didn't listen to me. In the mean time I collected the animals as you have instructed but then I was sued by PETA. They claimed that I had kept the animals locked up against their will and that the accomodation is very limited and that it was cruel to keep so many animals on such a little ark.

    The Department of Agriculture decided that I couldn't build an ark without an environmental report by a recognized agency about the flood that was predicted by You. In the mean time I am still busy with a complaint from the Center for Equal Opportunity. They demand equal access by everyone and also that I hire underprivileged people to build the ark without regard of race, religion or gender. On the other hand, the local chapter of the carpenter union wants me to put some of their members to work. I don't even know how to do it anymore, the state doesn't even have money in budget anymore to keep all the Departments I depend on open all week.

    On top of that the IRS together with the DHS has frozen all my assets and seized all my property. They claim that I want to leave the country taking with me endangered species of animals. And when they heard about me at the Department of Public Health they started asking me for a plan to get all the excrement out. And then I don't even talk about all the politicians that for me to get any favors all know somebody that wants to go on the Ark. So forgive me Lord, it will take at least 10 years to complete the Ark.

    Suddenly the rain stopped. The skies cleared up and the sun started shining. Noah looked surprised. "Does that mean you won't destroy the land anymore?" He asked. "No", the Lord said, "Your politicians are doing a good job at that already"

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