How do I explain how I feel ?

by wobble 4 Replies latest jw friends

  • wobble

    My niece, a very sweet girl, an active JW, E-mails my wife from time to time, she lives in another country so she only gets to the U.K once a year at best.

    She E-mailed the other day after returning from the JW wedding of her niece, my great niece. She expressed the feeling that it was sad for her that we were not at the wedding ,and that our relationship has changed. We were not invited to the wedding, and only knew when it was being held by deduction, nobody told us for sure.

    I want to tell her how I feel, so I tought I would let her know that we are still the same people, we still love the family, and especially her, as we always have. I want to let her know that I am hurt by the attitude that we are not welcome at any family celebrations, and that no-one has explained why.

    We are simply inactive JW's who do not even go to meetings, (officially), not being DF'd or DA'd. Now I fully understand the cult thinking behind the decision not to invite us, but in a kindly manner I want to point out that the thinking is exactly that, the thinking of their leaders in the WT, not their own.

    We would not have attended for a number of reasons anyway, but the cold ,hard, non-communication is hurtful.

    How can I best express this ?

  • Witness My Fury
    Witness My Fury

    If email is your primary means of comms with her then it seems reasonable to use that if face to face is not likely.

    Your para 2b, 3 and 4 above sum it up pretty well tbh. If she gives you the opener of saying it was sad for her that you were not at the wedding,... well then take it. Tell her how hurt YOU are at the whole situation. (nicely of course)

    My 2p

  • nugget

    Wobble, this is a hard one after all you don't want to come across as a sour puss because you were not invited but still get across how unnatural and painful the JW attitude is.

    Here is my thought please feel free to use or not and to change into wobble speak after all you have a lovely warm way of expressing your thoughts.

    My dear it is so lovely to hear from you as you are often in our thoughts too. I am glad that you were able to attend the wedding as these are such happy times and a cause of celebration, the uniting of two people in matrimony serves to remind us of how we are all linked together and these occasions should bring us all closer. I am sorry that our not being there was a cause of sadness, if we had been invited we would have certainly come and enjoyed the chance to associate together.

    I do regret that people felt that we could not be invited, in general weddings are used as an occasion to unite and celebrate as a family. It seems strange to me that a religion that uses love as an identifying feature uses these occasions to punnish and exclude those without any explaination merely because someone does not conform to a standard pattern of worship.

    I fully appreciate that the wedding is the bride and grooms day and respect their right to invite whomever they choose, I also understand that not everyone can be chosen but I would have liked to have been informed of date of the wedding so that I could have sent a gift and card to make them aware we were thinking of them. We love you all and place no conditions on that love and look forward to opportunities to express it. Jesus was after all know for his compassion, acceptance and forgiveness those who struggled he helped and those who loved him received love in return. I wonder what sort of religion christianity would have been if he had ignored people who were imperfect and if he had punnished those who disappointed him?

    Just remember that despite imperfections we love you and care for you. We hope you continue to keep well and look forward to seeing you when you are next in the UK.

  • punkofnice

    I went away and thought about this.

    My initial reaction was that by expressing sadness this might stir up a hornet's nest.

    Sometimes 'radio silence' works best.

    On the other hand Nugget has a grand idea.

  • wobble

    Thanks very much to you all. I just get the feeling with her that she is not so "culty" as some of my family, and I think it may be an opportunity to make her think a bit, what I say will filter back too to the rest of the family, so I do wish to get the tone right, thanks again.

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