I was on a bicycle ride last Friday afternoon when I spotted a Kingdom Hall coming up on my right. Out in front of the KH on the sidewalk stood a long folding table with various WT publications displayed neatly in Plexiglas holders, you know the kind businesses or shops use for brochures, books and magazines. Seated behind the folding table were two sisters in their 40’s.
I simply tried to stop myself from simply stopping, but my legs simply had a mind of their own and they simply refused to pump another peddle . . . and so I simply stopped. Actually, what I really wanted was some of those delectable publications. I often enjoy browsing through them for little gems of absurdity, for the illustrations and images to scan. I normally hit up thrift stores and second-hand book sellers to find publications to leaf through and add to my garage library. They also had some NWT’s on the table, and I thought I might score one of those as well. They are free after all!
They greeted me with the kind of warm smile a cat gives to a trusting rodent just before mealtime . . . but the sister on the left, hmmm . . . something odd and creepy about her. Not sure what, yet.
I asked what they were doing on the sidewalk, and they said they were giving away Bible study aids. I said that was nice, and that I was an avaricious reader and wondered if I might have a sampling of everything they were offering. They were delighted! Literature placements! Wee! I wondered if they would split them on their time sheets at the end of the month.
Ah, the sister on the left. The one I thought a little creepy and odd. When I asked to have all the publications displayed, she, with her stringy long graying hair cascading around her shoulders clad in golden lace and flower print, regarded me as though she had just served me arsenic laced meatloaf and I had just taken my first bite. She was very pleased, indeed.
In fact, Sister Arsenic and Gold Lace went right in for a marriage proposal. She actually asked me if I would be interested in studying the Bible. I really just wanted to get my publications and go, grateful there wasn’t a contribution box in front of the table designated, Contributions for World Wide Work. I stuffed the literature into my saddle bags and told her that studying the Bible might be of interest to me. They both beamed.
“If”, I continued, “you can explain to me why it is that Jehovah’s Witnesses are the only ones who teach that Jerusalem was destroyed by Babylon in 607”.
I don’t recall seeing such a gleeful smile fade so quickly from a person’s face since the time I was 15 and my bully of an older cousin fancied himself a Kung Fu expert, and began kicking and punching at me thinking I would run away and cry. When he lifted his chubby little leg to kick out at me, I simply came up under him with my own foot and connected with his young manhood in the most ungratifying way.
They assured me, faces now firm and sincere, that 607 was indeed the year Jerusalem fell to Babylonian captivity.
“But why do you believe that when all credible historians and Bible scholars say that it did not?”
Long story short, another sister and two brothers ended up coming out to answer my question. They had with them their book bags filled with literature, and of course, the ever handy Reasoning from the Scriptures book. Four different sets of hands were grasping books and fingering through pages, some of them holding both a NWT and the Reasoning book searching for the canned response scripted by the WTBTS writing committee.
Ok, call me a jerk, but I asked them to wait a minute. “Now all of you here are ordained ministers, am I correct?”
All of them nodded. Once sister gave an emphatic yes.
Well, I was hoping that you, as ordained ministers adequately qualified to teach, could simply explain why you believe Jerusalem fell in 607 when everyone else says no. And I was hoping you could do so using just your Bible. They looked at me as if I had gone mad and kicked a baby into the street.
What?! No WT publications?!? Are you mad?
Sister Arsenic and Gold Lace looked sharply at the saddlebags in which I had deposited the brand new publications she had just given me. I smiled and shook my head. “You want those publications back, now, don’t you, sister?”
“Yes”, she replied, tightlipped and terse. Judging by the look on her face s he was feeling betrayed, and she asked accusingly whether I was the man that had been coming back there every week.
Interesting.
I assured her I wasn't, but she kept pouting, most likely at the realization that she could no longer in good conscience count those publications in my bicycle saddle bags as placements.
I got on my bicycle and said to them, " You know, I know you folks believe that you are ordained ministers and Bible teachers, but it sort of amuses me, in a way, that you’re a lot like DVD players, really. Three of them stared frowning at my shiny shaved apostate head and my satanic goatee, waiting for me to complete my simile, while Sister Arsenic and Gold Lace, anxious to see my departure, said, “thank you, have a nice day”. So it was her I turned to and made direct eye contact.
“You are just like a DVD player in that you are kind of useless without a DVD”. I nodded to the literature on the folding table and in their hands. “Take away your WT publications and you seem to be utterly lost and unable to defend your beliefs. In fact, we both know that if I were to agree to a Bible study with Jehovah’s Witnesses, that we would not be studying JUST the Bible, but we’d be reading from a WT publication for an hour with only a smattering of Bible verses”.
“Well, sir”, said one of the brothers finally. “The publications are there to help you understand the Bible better”.
OK, maybe Sister Arsenic was the only one who figured out I was an apostate.
“You, sir, are the Bible teacher. Isn’t it your job to help me understand the Bible?”
“Yes, but the publications help us to do that”.
“And so it is from these publications that you get your understanding that 607 was the year Jerusalem fell to Babylonian captivity?”
“Yes”.
“And none of you have even bothered to check the source of this information? You haven’t done any independent research about this? You just accept as fact whatever is printed in the pages of WTBTS publications without making sure it’s accurate? I mean, your entire religion is based on the 607/1914 chronology. I am telling you in all honesty that the date is falsifiable and contradicted by all known historical evidence”.
Well, Sister Arsenic told me that she didn’t care what the historical evidence says. The WTBTS is right. The brothers do all the research so that they don’t have to.