My ex- JW wife, what,s her problem!!!!

by jam 9 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  jam

  A little background. My youngest son 30 yrs. old. When he

  was 12 yrs. old I got total custody, due to abuse by his

  mom. She abanoned him physically and emotionally after

  he came to live we me. Of my four kids, for some reason

  he was abused the most. When he came to live we me, he was

  like A frighten cat. He was so afraid if he did somthing wrong

  I would send him back too his mom. It was very sad, I get

  tears in my eyes when I think about it. We had A tough time

  over the years ( I can sympathize with single moms).

  A few years back I urge the boys (my oldest was 19 yrs

  old when we divorce) to call their mom in order to have A

  relationship with her. I felt it would be good to have A heathy

  relationship. So around 4-5 five years ago she would call

  just to see how they were doing, but not close like A mother

  should. Well today, the youngest severed six years in the

  Coast Guards and now in college.

  So what is the ex wife doing, yes the pressure to become

  A JW, he was never baptize.. She go to visit him , she

  locate JW in the city where he lives, they come by to

  invite him to the meeting. His oldest sister begain calling him

  (she has not call or talk to him in 5-6yrs.) Cousins (JW) who have

  not spoken to him since he was A teenager are now contacting

  him on face book. It just makes me sick. My son told me , dad

  I don,t want to hurt mom but I want no part of that religion.

  HE,s A very easy going person, my heart goes out too him, but

  I told him, you have no choice, well you do. You can have A healty

  relationship with your mom and your cousins or , thats it, or what.

  Iam lost for words here. It seem when times were tough, his mom

  was no where to be seen, now his life is in the right direction here

  she come with that JW BS. It just piss----me off. He called me last

  nite and told me all this, and ask me what should he do.
• 

  designs

  Many Sisters want to be Elders....
• 

  LostGeneration

  Unfortunately, in most cases JWs extend love based on a persons relationship to the WT corporation. Sounds like your ex is maybe wants to make up for her past failings, but she can't really be a real mom because your son isn't being led around by the Watchtower.

  Sounds like she has recruited a few familiy members to "love bomb" him for a while, and hopefully recruit him.

  As far as having a "healthy relationship" with them, I wouldn't expect that. Conditional love isn't healthy, and that is what they are extending to your son.
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  FollowedMyHeart

  Since your son has said that he wants no part of that religion, then you need to encourage him to tell his mom that. Although it may hurt her feelings, she'll get over it. It's better than your son being miserable for the rest of his life in a religion he wants no part of just to please a person that wasn't even there for him when he needed her. Do all you can to support him in his decision.
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  nugget

  There are two motives here either his mum wants to be closer to her son but can't see outside the witness paradigm or she is so concerned that the time is short she has been encouraged to look to her own lost sheep first.

  I would say to your son that he must be true to himself and if he wants no part of his mums religion he should not feel pressured into going to meetings just to please her. He should politely decline any requests to attend meetings pointing out that he respects their right to practice religion as they choose and he would like them to show equal respect for his choices he will not be attending meetings and does not wish to receive any further invitations.

  If the witnesses in the local area persist he can then say that he is sorry that they did not respect his polite request and now he insists that they do not call on him in future.

  JWs are only able to offer an illusion of friendship and closeness. As soon as someone disappoints them then they cut them off. It is better that he nips this in the bud rather than gets enmeshed in the nonsense and suffers loss of real friends.
• 

  jam

  Designs; yes, would make A great elder

  Lost; I should have realize, you can not have A healty relationship

  with someone in the borg. if you are out. I don,t beleive you

  have A healty relationship if you are in the borg.

  F myheart; I felt she had respect his decision not to be a part of that

  religion, I was wrong. She was only getting close to him

  for one reason..
• 

  Snoozy

  I had a similar circumstance recently . A old JW friend I knew years ago was the same way with her kids. Mostly screamed at them. I even saved one of them from being choked by her when they were an infant.(she is in her 40's now) She also gave her husband custody of two of them and was pregnant with another one when they divorced. She tried to tell her ex it was his baby and he believed her for years..when she got older they realized it was not his!.. They are all grown up now and she is in California. She recently layed a sob story of how she needs help to one of her daughters here to come and help her. The girl finally quit her job and packed up to go help her Mom. The girl is not a JW. Well since she has been in Calif. helping her mom she has been bombarded to join the 'Truth". Everyday the girl gets on the facebbok and says"I don't know how much more I can take". I laugh because I know what she is talking about. The JW mom got reinstated and has gone over the edge and is a JW fanatic now. She has 25 cats in one of her bedrooms, a old lady she has taken in to supplelment her income in another and she has the other bedroom. She makes this daughter sleep on the couch..

  If this Son of yours gets around his Mom enough, that alone will convince him that he wants no part of the religion. They are some of the most negative people I have ever met. They suck you in so slowly you don't even realize it unless you have been out in the world. Normal people just aren't that negative all the time.

  My good news is that the one daughter that was so illtreated by her JW momm and that I rescued from her mom when she tried to choke her has contacted me and we are very close friends now. She considers me her real mom as her Mom used to drop her off for me to watch a lot and I have taken her to be one of my daughters..She is disfellowshipped and I have done all I can to give her back some pride in herself. The Mom accused her of having demons in her. Her and I had a long talk about the religion..she is slowly accepting the fact that all they say is not the "Truth". The hard part is she was raised in it pretty much and believes a lot of it as truth. Born ins have a tough time letting go sometimes. Her Mom won't even speak to her now. I feel so bad for her..soming to this site has really shown me how cruel some JW mothers can be. Your childs mother sounds like one of them..

  Big hugs for your kids..they are lucky to have you!!!

  Snoozy
• 

  jgnat

  My ex-husband is a toxic person (not a JW but just as messed up). My son wants a father so he has built a relationship of sorts. My daughter wants nothing to do with my ex. Recently, my son started beating his father regularly at chess. Do to my ex's messed-up superiority complex, he immediatley started putting down his own son, telling him what a loser he is, how he won't amount to anything, and refuses to play chess with him any more. My son is distressed because he wants a father like other people do. I tell my son he can't expect his father to be something he is not. If he enjoys his time with his father, fine. But if it gets mean or toxic, my son has no oblligation. (Did I mention that my ex paid no child support and did not exercise his visitation rights for twenty years?)

  Not all parents are good for their children. If I were you, I'd stop encouraging your adult sons to build a relationship with their absent mother because you think it is "healthy". Rather, tell them if they want to get to know their mother, fine, but they should feel no obligation towards her. Only do those things with their mother that they really want to do.
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  stillstuckcruz

  I would say simply, as long as she remains a strong JW, a "healthy" relationship is just not possible. As another user stated, that relationship is conditional on loyalty to the WBTS. Not if she strays just slightly where she really doesn't care what they have to say about their relationship, then thats another story. Then as their two's relationships foster, her loyalty to the Jdubs will dwindle....if she feels that the relationship is important to her.
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  kurtbethel

  There is often a strong need to build a relationship with biological family, but if they are corrupt, that that is unlikely to change. People go to their death hoping and wishing they can have a healthy relationship with their corrupt relative, but it will not happen. Best to wake up to that. He is likely to be in favor with her to the extent he is involved in the religion. That is very conditional. Much better to let go of that false hope and cultivate some authentic relationships.