Disassociation Letter

by dontplaceliterature 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • dontplaceliterature

    Have any of you who formally diassociated yourself from Jehovah's Witness by letter sent anything in writing to the entire congregation?

    Would it be considered bad form to send a letter to friends in the congregation regarding your decision and the reasons for it, before/after/simultaneously you send a letter to the BoE?

    I think I would feel compelled to, out of acknowledgement that most of them would not speak to me after "The Big Announcement." I'm sure the rumors would fly anyway, but at least some effort could be put towards informing people before you are labled as an "Apostate."


  • Nobleheart

    I'd really appreciate any feedback on this, too. I'm planning to DA, and I want to send a few letters to some friends. Chances are, they won't read it if I send it after the announcement has been made. So I think it best to give the friends and the elder(s) the letters in person within the same week.

  • Gayle

    The results are the same, whether you write to them or not. But if it may make the 'writer' feel more complete, then go for it. Some have written several pages. I think it's best if one feels compelled to write, a one-pager, to the point will be about all they will be able to absorb at any one given time.

  • InterestedOne

    Although I don't know what it's like to be a JW, I would probably send a letter to my friends immediately prior to sending the official disassociation letter. From a purely human standpoint, it shows that you value communication with them & value them as people. In a corporate scenario, you'd probably give your two-week's notice to your boss first & then send goodbye letters to your close co-workers. If you didn't notify your boss first, your letters could turn into gossip & he/she would wonder why you told your co-workers first & waited to notify him/her - could be bad form. In the case of JW's, you don't have any choice but to send letters to your friends first & then immediately send the official letter. If you send the official letter first, I gather your friends won't read your letters after the fact. I'd say you may have to risk possible bad form because the situation the group has created is, in my opinion, bad form to begin with.

  • sabastious

    Just for the record, for some Witnesses, recieving a DA letter from a loved one ranks among the highest of their life's painful experiences. I would recommend writing a DA letter; but only send it after careful consideration and possibly some long talks with some close friends.


  • zeroday*

    My DA letter was 2 sentences 1) I da myself and 2) I no longer want to be known as a JW...I never saw a need to go into any reason for my decision as it wouldn't make any difference the rumor mill will run wild anyway. The result will be the same. Your friends and family are conditioned to consider you lost and blinded by satans system.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Do you remember all those warnings from the platform & the rags?

    As soon they realise they are reading the words of an apostate, all those warnings kick in.

    If you ever want a chance to help any of them see the the WT isn't what it pretends to be, you have to get a bit more cunning than announcing your new Apostatehood from the rooftops.

  • willyloman

    What Black Sheep said.

    And why would you write them a letter at all? Just stop going, and don't answer your phone when they call (if they call).

    The DA letter is the Watchtower's tool, for their benefit, not yours. In this man-made prison without walls, the incarceration stops the moment you no longer give them any power over you.

  • zeroday*

    I don't disagree with you willyloman but for me it was a need for finalty I wanted it perfectly clear I was no longer one of them so for me it was the right thing to do...

  • zoiks

    Sending something in writing to selected people is something that I have considered. If I am ever caught and DF'd for apostacy- ala Cantleave and Nugget, for example- I might send a note to some former associates and very briefly tell them that I am being disfellowshipped for my disbelief- and NOTHING ELSE.

    Then maybe, just maybe, those people would have a chance to think about the situation outside of all of the gossip.

  • leavingwt

    I sent my letter to my close associates at the KH, Bethel and around the country, before the announcement was made.

    Why? Well, at least if they WANTED to know the real reason I was no longer a JW, they had it in their hands. I'm confident that none of them read it.

  • factfinder

    It is true that if you wait to send your jw friends a letter AFTER they read your letter of DA at the kh no-one will read it as it is the same thing as your being disfellowshipped.

    Is it absolutly neccessary for you to DA yourself? I see that zeroday felt that way and if you feel it is the right thing for you then you should go ahead.

    But consider: by DA yourself you are definately cutting off contact with all witnesses. They will not listen to you- you are now an 'apostate".

    Why not just leave?

    You may find opportunities to speak to your jw friends.

    If you go ahead and DA yourself you are cutting off any chances as you know they will not listen to anything you have to say afterwards.

    It is up to you to make the desicion you feel is best for you , but do not rush into anything.

    Personally I have not seen any need to DA myself. I just stopped going altogether and that is it!

  • wobble

    You talk of "sending a letter to friends in the congregation" , if you D.A you will not have one friend in the whole of the JW/WT world.

    They will no longer think of you as alive, let alone as a friend. Think carefully before going ahead, I too felt a tremendous desire to D.A , I felt that it was dishonest to remain ,even tacitly, as a JW.

    I am so glad I did not D.A, my extended JW family still talk with me, the younger ones are free to approach me with questions,and any of the JW's I meet are free to talk in a normal way.

    I can still keep track of developments in the lives of lifelong friends, even though in reality I am dis-associated by virtue of not attending, and not believing, but not having the label DA gives me greater freedom than having their label.

  • deep-blue-sea

    I would send a copy of my letter also to friends and family to inform them of the REAL reasons who pushed me to DISFELLOWSHIP THEM!!!!!

    I would'nt make a SILENT exit as if I was guilty! But, be careful in sending your letters at the same time...before the elders have the possibility to announce your disfellowshipping!!!!

    Regards, Claudia

  • dontplaceliterature


    I am pretty far off from a decision to disassociate. This topic just crossed my mind after reading leavingwt's DA Letter yesterday.

    I'm not sure that I will even want to talk to the majority of the Jehovah's Witnesses I know after I am no longer one of them, outside of my immediate family and maybe two or three other people.

    The only reason I would send the letter ahead of my letter to the BoE, would just be for the sake of personal peace of mind, in a hope that at least someone will have read it before "The Announcement" and would recognize that I was leaving willfully, and not being forced out. I fully realize that I will be recognized as a dirty Apostate from that point forward, and have no dillusions about disassociating myself and somehow remaining friends with anyone in my congregation.

    It would be nice for my friends to at least have the option to know what went down before they are forced into avoiding me at all costs.

  • Room 215
    Room 215

    I agree with Willy Loman; sending a letter is playing by their rules.

  • leavingwt

    If you don't want to be shunned, then you CANNOT write a letter. This is true, regardless of any rules, real or imagined.

    I wanted all JWs, the WT headquarters and every single non-JW associate/coworker/relative/friend to KNOW that I had absolutely chosen to repudiate the teachings and practices of Jehovah's Witnesses. Moreover, I wanted the WT organization out of my life, off my property and unwilling to contact me.

    I could not accomplish this by merely fading away. My letter was crucial.

    If you want to maintain contact with ANY JWs, then you cannot write a letter.

  • FirstLastName

    I am very ashamed to admit that a long time ago, I got a letter from a very dear friend, (I was in her wedding) that she was being DF'd and I bawled. I almost acting as if she had died. Her letter did not explain why, only that she loved me and hoped that we would have the chance to talk again.

    I never wrote her back. She did adventually get reinstated, married and elder and from what I hear is doing well.

    My point is to offer the perspective of someone who was "in" and got a letter. At the time I was crushed and cried about it. I am now embarrassed to admit that since I was so mind controled I believed they were as good as dead to me. So sad.

  • I quit!
    I quit!

    When I left the Witnesses I sent one to the Watchtower. At that time I was told if you DA Witnesses could still speak with you but I think just after that they re-wrote the rules. I remember trying to explain my situation to one Jdub I worked with. I only got a couple of words out and he said "you made your decision" turned his back on me and walked away. He never spoke with me again. I had worked with him for about five years and he had attended my wedding. We ate lunch together quite often then all of a sudden I was dead to him. I remember think how odd this behavior was. It was just more proof that I had made the right decision. The other Witness I worked with no doubt got the word right away from that Witness because he would look away whenever I walked by him at work and would completely ignore me. I worked with these guys for about another five years with them acting that way. Childish behavior like this happened everytime I ran into any Witnesses I knew. After a while I gave up trying to give any explanation.

    Looking back maybe I should have go about it a little slower but I don't think it would have changed anything. No matter what I would have been either hated or fear.

  • BluesBrother

    If you are disassociating yourself, it does not matter if some consider it "bad form"..they will not speak again and they consider you cut off..Of course, you just never know....there just might be one of them whose faith is starting to wobble and will take notice and start investigating what you say..

    I say follow your heart..If you want to do it, there is nothing to lose.

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