Why Women Love Jerks

by compound complex 75 Replies latest jw friends

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Do nice guys lose to bad boys?

    [see advert. I'm afraid to look ...]


  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    Please send all the nice guys my way. I'm tired of jerks who don't know how to treat a woman.

  • highdose

    me too! what broken promises said

  • PSacramento

    There is something "attractive" about "bad boys" for some women.

    Maybe it the notion that they can "change him" or perhaps some subconcisous belief that they are not deserving of better or perhaps there is a fear of commitment that is subconcious.

    Some guys are too nice and as the saying goes, you can't respect someone that kisses your ass.

    Some women confuse the "arrogance" and inferiority complex of the badboy with confidence, most people do that in fact.

    Some women like to be F****d rather than mad loved to, so there is that too.

    Do nice guys always lose or finish last?

    No, of course not.

    But lets not confuse nice guys with wimps and total flops.

  • TD

    Men and women both seem to have unbelievably bad judgement when it comes to each other.

    While the "jerk" might not win out every time, the jerks of the world are never lonely either.

  • teel

    Nice guys have self-imposed limits. Jerks are free to do anything - hence they can win a woman's heart much easier, by using tactics nice guys steer clear of.

  • keyser soze
    keyser soze

    I think women often confuse arrogance with confidence.

  • aquagirl

    Some women do,Im sure.Not this woman.

  • DesirousOfChange

    The grass always looks greener......

    The girls raised on the straight & narrow fear they are missing out on something, thus nothing more fun than to date a preacher's daughter. (I think most elder's daughers also qualified.)

  • rocketman

    I just read a USA article about changing attitudes among single people - it seems more guys are now interested in commitment, while women want more independence. It looks like things have done an almost-180 degree turn in that regard.

  • caliber

    A man may to act like a jerk to cover up his lack of confidence. It's a sad, sad case. Ironically, most people would think that he is a jerk because he has too much confidence (this could also be the case), but this is where we are fooled most of the time. We can't imagine that this jerk actually has a low self-esteem because he is so insensitive towards everyone around him.
    "the turn on" is the exciting roller coaster ride of emotions... there is never a dull moment... there is a fascination trying to

    win him over.. challenge and excitment...freedom from serious responsibility

    I think women believe they can read men.... when they can't ...it's an exciting challenge to 'figure him out"..

    what buttons must I push to get his attention ?

    mystery and the unknown are exciting.

    I remember one elders wife was having troubles in her marriage said of her husband... "he is soooo predictable' there in lies your clue !!

  • acolytes

    When a girl didnt fancy me THE "Why women love jerks" always sat comfortably with me.

    Truth is there were always a thosand good reasons why. And calling the other guy a "Jerk"answerd my insecurity.

    Acolytes( Wife has just come home,class)

  • mamalove

    I have some friends who are with "jerks." These are the guys who are emotionally defunct. They don't hold their girlfriends hands, tell them they look pretty, or extend kindness just because....

    I think the jerks are just plain selfish. They just can't be bothered to be sweet and loving. But I would not call them bad boys per se.

    Then we have the arrogant ones. I can't figure that out. I called an arrogant one out once, and he said he was that way because he had low self esteem and it made him feel better.

    Let's talk "nice guys." The ones that are so meek and mild they say they have never dated pretty girls, girls only want to be their friends, blah blah. I kind of think when I hear that, get some confidence. Chicks love a confident guy. We don't want to have to take a second job out to build up your self esteem, our own is messed up enough from all of the tv and magazine ads out there. Don't get me wrong, I know guys have issues, but if a girl loves you and is into you, then OWN it, enjoy it, make her feel like a million bucks and she will do the same to you.

    Bad boys get a bad label I think. I think the guys who seem to steal the girls away are just men who are confident and seem to know what a woman wants and meets her needs. Makes her feel a certain way. Are they good lifetime partners, I am not so sure.

    I am sure I might be flamed for my response, but those are my perceptions based on my limited experience in life.

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    We won't flame you, mamalove. Your comments have the "ring of truth"!

    Thanks everyone. I sure learn a lot here.

    Love from a nice guy ,


  • elderelite

    I wanted to avoid this thread, but Momma said something about not getting flamed and i think she is TOTALLY right... lets define "jerks"... yes there are plenty of guys who are what most would define as jerks... they dont take care of their gals emotionally or physically... i would define that as a jerk. Yes these guys do end up with their choice of gals at times. But I believe it is because most "nice guys" are far too soft. and given a choice between a "jerk" who is perceived to be strong or a "nice guy" who appears weak, a gal will always take strong. its a matter of self preservation. A man HAS to be able to take care of his gal and if she dosent see that she's not interested. often times the more of a jerk, or self assured, a man may act, the more a gal is attracted.. simply because the guy seems self assured. add to that, the fact that most ( not all of course) but most women will default to stay in a relationship and try to make it work over leaving and you end up with jerks that attrack women and keep them by default....

    In our society all to many boys are raised by their mommas to believe that being confident = being a jerk... they come to believe that being a firm man is somehow wrong and that comprimise and capitualtion to every whim of gal is the norm.. again, this = weakness (conciously or unconciously) to a gal and leads to little or no chance of relationships with all but the weakest and most emotionally scarred of women. even in dubbie land, where they will tell you that "men take the lead", far more often i see men being told to comprimise everything to make their wives happy.

    Men need to learn that firm and strong is not being a jerk.

  • TD

    The phenomenon is actually very well documented and there is a lot of published literature attempting to explain it.

    From a purely social point of view, females are the choosier sex, and males compete for their attention. That's just the way it is. The result of this competition is that men have evolved strategies for attaining alpha status in social situations. Think of it as the social equivalent to a peacock's tail feathers.

    It's not all a positive for them, since jerks are more prone to taking risks and getting into fights and accidents. Physical capability does not necessarily follow simply from audacity and bravado and there are few things that other males enjoy more than exposing that fact for the world to see. That's why the jerk with the "glass jaw" is such a common theme in movies and entertainment. Still the risk is worth it.

    Another way to look at the difference between a "Cad" and a "Dad" is short term versus long term mating strategies. "Nice" is a great quality for the long term but it does not grab attention at that critical point when first impressions are being drawn. Women often cavort with "Cads" when they are young and inexperienced, but most rethink their standards as the biological clock continues to tick.

    Of course this all applies with equal force to what men find attractive at various points in their lives. Men are often even more blind (If that is possible) to the reality behind social facades that are thrown up to grab attention

  • palmtree67

    Both men and women, as they age, generally mature in their expectations of the opposite sex.

    The older women get, the more we recognize the jerks and the less we want to do with them.

    I see the same thing with men - what attracts them in their youth, doesn't hold the same attraction when they got older.

  • snowbird

    I have never been able to maintain a relationship with males.

    I simply don't understand them.


  • Mary
    TD said: Men and women both seem to have unbelievably bad judgement when it comes to each other.

    You've got that right. My sister and one of my best friends are in long-term relationships with men who I would categorize as "jerks" and that's being nice. Neither my sister nor my friend knew their mates very long before hooking up with them. The moron my sister is with was some guy she slept with 20 years ago, who never went home, while my friend knew her husband only a few weeks before they got engaged.

    Both of these guys have the emotional maturity of a 13 year old boy, both are completely self-centered and selfish, bad tempered when they don't get their own way, and totally irresponsible when it comes to money. They both have very addictive personalities whether it be drugs, booze or trying to befriend other women on the internet. Both my sister and my girlfriend have been brought to bankruptcy twice because their men cannot control their spending habits. When I ask "why on earth do you let them do this?' the sheepish answer is because they have a fit if they can't get their own way and rather than have their men yell and scream like a 5 year old child, they give it to try and keep the peace. The end result is that both are completely broke and never have enough money for the necessities of life, but somehow they always manage to have enough for things like cigarettes.

    Both of these guys are emotionally stunted having been raised by totally shit fathers who either had a severe drinking problem or a drug problem and who never taught their sons any sort of responsibility or gave them any sort of guidance or morals. Both were molested by strangers when they were about 13 years of age and neither ever got any counselling or help for it. Instead, they resort to heavy doses of either booze or drugs.

    With both couples, things always come to a head where they are given a (supposed) ultimatum: Shape up or ship out. There follows a predictable pattern: They 'shape up' and stop the drinking or drugs, are more affectionate and reasonable----for about 3 or 4 weeks. Both my sister and my girlfriend will estatically claim that their men "have changed" and how their "relationship has never been better". Unfortunately, these men are unable to sustain being "normal" and after about a month they start their bad behaviour all over again until it reaches the breaking point, their women threaten to throw them out, they promise to change, yada, yada, yada.......It's a never-ending cycle that has been going on with both couples for 20 years.

    When I ask either of them WTF they stay with these men, I invariably get the teary-eyed answer that "he's got his good points too". These "good points" tend to be a "soft side" or a "good heart" which of course, no one else has ever seen. BFD---everyone's got their "good points too". Adolf Hitler, Heinrich Himmler and Hermann Goring were all big on "Animal Rights" and banned using animals in laboratory tests. Somehow, that doesn't quite balance out their determination to wipe 6 million Jews off the face of the earth.

    In truth, it is my opinion that both my sister and my friend stay with these losers for a variety of reasons: they take the path of least resistence because it's easier to stay than to leave; they're financially dependent on these men and rather than get a better education and become self-sufficient, they'd apparently rather do nothing than something; both my sister and girlfriend are extremely needy and hate being single and alone---they would rather be with a selfish jerk who sucks them dry mentally, emotionally and financially rather than to be on their own; both of these women will go to their graves always hoping somehow that he'll change for the better. Neither of them will ever have a pot to piss in, or a window to fire it out of as long as they're with these guys and since neither has any intention of ever leaving, their fate was sealed long ago.

    I won't even tell you about the psychopath my brother lived with for 13 years...........

  • elderelite

    Syl... you have left the door WIDE open for minimus to come and tease you

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