The believing spouse

by Retrovirus 4 Replies latest jw friends

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  Retrovirus

  In another thread Black Sheep said

  When we first find out that the WT is a scam, we immediately forget every warning that the WT gave us on how to recognise a big, scary, evil, Satan inspired, apostate, and we forget that everyone else in the hall was listening to those warnings.

  This gave me another little gimpse into life "inside". So, to better understand my jw friends, I try to imagine what it would be like to completely trust the wt, but have disbelieving family and/or friends.

  Imagine having children raised in the "truth", and catching the end of a cheeky, disbelieving grin at a watchtower platitude, and fearing that you are losing them.

  Imagine believing that my partner and/or my children will die in a global catastophe - "soon" - which I must loyally anticipate.

  Imagine the feeling of dread when my partner or friend raise a challenging subject; knowing I must cling to what I've been taught, or anger Jehovah. I'm even bloodguilty if I cannot defend what I believe, because I would "stumble" the enquirer.

  Imagine going out in service, wearing the face of a member of the happiest people on earth.

  Is it like this, or am I having a nightmare?

  Retro
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  kimbo

  I neen my tablets.
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  NewChapter

  Is it like this, or am I having a nightmare?

  It depends on your mindset at the time.

  Imagine having children raised in the "truth", and catching the end of a cheeky, disbelieving grin at a watchtower platitude, and fearing that you are losing them

  I think this is a "faithful" parent's biggest fear. A great deal of time and paper is dedicated to teaching parents how to keep their children in the organization. For me, my daughter lived with father, and I didn't push the religion on her. This led to some torment, but then I was taught to make it a matter of prayer and never to give up hope. So, there was some relief, but it always came back. And to complicate things, I started feeling guilty trying to work on my own salvation when I was so helpless to help my daughter with hers. I would hear parents on the platform discuss the troubles they had with their children, and how they trusted in Jehovah, and how they did all the right things having faith that things would work out, and of course because they were on the platform, things did work out and so they were blessed by jehovah. Which made me feel even worse because why didn't jehovah bless me in a similar way--did he not love my daughter? He was going to destroy her because of her unbelieving father? Then the elders would convince me to make it a matter of prayer, and they would pray with me, and the cycle would start again. Whew!

  Imagine the feeling of dread when my partner or friend raise a challenging subject; knowing I must cling to what I've been taught, or anger Jehovah. I'm even bloodguilty if

  I cannot defend what I believe, because I would "stumble" the enquirer

  It is a great burden to worry about stumbling people. My ex told me he wanted nothing to do with the KH because I was such a bad JW it had turned him off. I believed every word. I had to walk out of bookstudy when we studied about it being better to have a mill stone around the neck and be thrown in the sea than to stumble someone. I was convinced I was beyond forgiveness, and yet, where else was i going to go?

  Imagine going out in service, wearing the face of a member of the happiest people on earth.

  Because I love people, and teaching, and helping, I actually liked service. I didn't think I was pretending. I thought my unhappiness was mine, and not the fault of the society. In that sense, I was taught to believe that these were the happiest people and the deficiency was mine. So, at the time, I felt I could recommend the life.

  Nothing is ever simple, is it? Especially not in the org. When I first became associated, I thought things were clear and simple. As time went on, it seemed like everyone was caught up in details and rules. They probably always were, it just took me a while to see it.
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  Retrovirus

  NewChapter, thank you for your reply, exactly what I was trying to understand.

  It depends on your mindset at the time

  That makes sense. Even in a doomed relationship, or in a dysfunctional family, there are times of peace and happiness.

  my daughter lived with father, and I didn't push the religion on her

  You must be very glad of this now! My ex-SIL did try, but the children didn't "take" to the wt; my brother always insisted on them having a choice. Because of the black and white mentality of the wt, it made for a very difficult marriage, although both tried hard to maintain it.

  My ex told me he wanted nothing to do with the KH because I was such a bad JW it had turned him off

  Your ex sounds pretty mean! Surely there are better ways to choose a faith than arbitrarily measure someone's performance. That said, I can be seriously impressed by a person who lives their spiritual values.

  I actually liked service

  You are like my jw friends in this; they target new immigrants and homeless people. I wouldn't doubt that some would be better off as jws than as they are now, at least temporarily. If they failed to keep the rules and were DF'd, they'd probably be worse off.

  I thought my unhappiness was mine, and not the fault of the society. In that sense, I was taught to believe that these were the happiest people and the deficiency was mine

  My ex-SIL suffers from depression. I wonder how much the wt aggravates or even causes it, but of course cannot mention this to her.

  Nothing is ever simple, is it?

  Ain't that the TRUTH! I'd dearly like all my jw friends to be out of the religion. But then their friends of several decades would have to shun them. But if they stay in, and convert others, whose families are broken when some are DF'd. . .

  Retro
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  garyneal

  NewChapter

  Your response actually provided me with some much needed insight on my wife's behavior recently. Especially the part regarding my daughter. If she is feeling in anyway guilty of not being proactive enough in teaching my daughter the 'truth' it would definitely explain why she is behaving the way she is behaving recently.

  She's been more adamant about reading my daughter The Great Teacher book even though she is much attached to me. Last night, I offered to read the book to her myself and I managed to read the first chapter to her but my wife insisted that she would have to later read the book to her alone. My wife has been saying that our daughter is learning 'errors' and 'false doctrines' from my church but when I challenge her to convince me that they have the 'truth' above what any other church is teaching she tries to change the subject. I told her that her only mission is to provide proof of the selection in 1919 by Christ Jesus. She hasn't done so yet.

  She's becoming more and more 'culty' and off putting by saying that everything we learn at church is wrong. To which I respond, "How can you know our teachings are wrong and yours are right?" Our church focuses primarily on God's love and grace and the unity that we have on our campus (there are six different churches that meet on our campus).

  I guess my wife is feeling very guilty because she has expressed regret over not getting my oldest daughter to the meetings in spite of the inconveniences it may cause her when she goes alone with the girls. She has on more than one occasion compared herself to another lady who also has an unbelieving spouse that yet manages to get all three of her kids to the meetings every Sunday. When I am at church with my daughter, I don't really focus too much on the others there. From my perspective, it is mine and my daughter's world, the others are just props. I guess I just never get TOO involved with church in general and just go to hear the message and focus on my own relationship with God.