How Many Dubs to Change a Light Bulb

by Satanus 4 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Satanus

  None. The average jw is not allowed to change bulbs. Further, the r&f are not able to find any new bulbs. Jehovah only gives light bulb finding privileges to the gb, and only every so often. When the gb miraculously finds a new light bulb, two thirds of them have to agree to it before it is changed. Then they all do it together. And presto! New light.

  Old light bulbs are said to never burn out, their light is just added to by new bulbs. However really old light bulbs do seem to just fade away, out of existence, although nobody can remember how. Occasionaly, an old light bulb, barely flickering appears in a hapless dubs hands. Upon bringing its light to the attention of his fellows, they all declare that the flicker he sees isn't light at all, it is darkness, and he must have been wicked to draw attention to such evil. Then they all beat the crap out of him and cast him away. Shaking their heads, they all run back to safety of the crowd hanging around the newer light bulbs, just installed by the gb.

  Sorry, it was a bit long. Are there any other religious light bulb jokes? or just bulb jokes?

  SS
• 

  refiners fire

  well done thou evil and faithless slavemaster.
  Thou feedest Gods anti household humourous and rancid fare in due season.
• 

  Marilyn

  ::::::::::the r&f are not able to find any new bulbs

  Isn't it that the r&f can't be trusted to recognise a light bulb? Cripes, they are just as likely to try fitting a football into the socket rather than a bulb - coz light bulbs can be very confusing and can look like a whole bunch of other things!!!! Hence the gb are the only ones with any hope of differentiating between a light bulb and say, a football. What a rich blessing those gb are!
• 

  Seeker

  Very good! Here's my variation that occured to me when I saw the thread title but before I read your response:

  It takes 19 dubs to change a light bulb:

  1 to meet the bulb during a stressful time in the bulb's life.
  1 to accompany that first dub on the return visit.
  2 to take over the study when the first two decide the bulb isn't progressing fast enough and/or doesn't provide enough goodies on the visits.
  1 to encourage the bulb to change when the bulb visits the Kingdom Hall for the first time.
  3 to love bomb the bulb at the same time.
  1 to get jealous of the attention being shown the bulb and decides to spread a rumor behind the bulb's back.
  2 buddies to go along with the jealous one's false accusations.
  3 elders to discuss the matter in a committee.
  1 Circuit Overseer to stop that nonsense over an unbaptized bulb, but introduces new nonsense at the same time.
  1 person at HQ to type up the C.O's report.
  1 person in the Service Department to note the report and write a note to include a lecture to the friends for the next district convention.
  2 dubs to baptize the bulb at the assembly, because the first guy accidently let the bulb's filament pop up above the water while dunking.
• 

  Satanus

  Thanks guys and gal.

  SS