So, ready to go back to the KH?

by sd-7 5 Replies latest jw friends

  • sd-7

    Borg cube

    ...We've got Borg emerging from Warp and closing at full impulse. Shields up! Red Alert! Prepare a full spread of transphasic torpedoes!

    Seriously though, I just had to bring back this picture again. Also, I think I'll shave my beard and put on a suit jacket, and head on up to the KH. My wife tells me she's giving her first talk on the Theocratic Ministry School in ages. She hasn't been in good standing for like, at least 6 years, so it's been a long time. She invited me to attend with her. I told her I'd think about it.

    I'm sure she just wants me there to watch her daughter while she gives the talk, as we just recently had a rather unfortunate spat on Xmas Eve regarding the Borg, but she didn't couch it in those terms. She was talking to the chairman of my judicial committee on the phone yesterday. And also another elder from my committee, though I'm sure it was just to get someone's phone number. Still, you know how a phone call with an elder can turn into an intimate discussion of your personal life--not unlike a certain individual's Internet threads! Awkward!

    After trying to watch Return of the Jedi overtop of the Kingdom Melodies blastin' downstairs, and hearing the 'Come Be My Follower' MP3, I mean, how can I NOT want to go to the meetings again? I'm sure Mom would be pleased. Also, my big brother would stop thinking that he alone managed to 'stumble' me in some inexplicable, undefined way.

    Actually, it's very hard not to think violent thoughts whenever I see the elders from my committee--which is somewhat often, as I wait in my car for my wife after the meetings. But...hey, maybe this can be an exercise in Christlike forgiveness. I can consider it as a part of my Skeptnostitian worship. If I can stare at an elder for 60 seconds without thinking a violent thought, I might be drawing closer to my agnostic God and his Unconcerned Son, Jesus, who nonchalantly gave his life for me and then left me for 2,000 years to figure out why he did it. (It's a complicated theology. New religion and all.)

    Besides, surely it will help my marriage to be shunned for a couple of hours, then watch everybody turn their backs to me as they pat my wife on her head, excusing the metaphor, for what a great talk she gave. I won't be at all angry over that. It's against my religion to feel such anger. I do have my struggles sometimes, though...

    I've been putting together a little project, codenamed BlackTower, with all the WT data from 1879-1949. It's very enlightening reading, really. I truly feel like I've found the one true religion. Also, how come they didn't have a Governing Body back then? And what was all this "Lord" talk? Why not 'Jehovah'?

    But I might consider going, seriously. After all, their mind powers are no longer effective at doing anything but making me angry. I'm up to speed on their latest shenanigans. It really is like a whole 'nother world once those KH doors close. I'm amazed at just how fascinating real life is, beyond all that. It's like graduating high school--you really don't see most of those people again. Sitting outside the KH in the car, it's kind of sad, you watch these people all dressed in suits and dresses and wandering around as if they've just done something meaningful and special, or like they're about to do something meaningful and special. They seemed so weighed down, you know? I generally don't make eye contact with the elders--I forget which of us will engage in a bull charge if our eyes meet. It may be me, I may know, bump up on the curb and...etc. I hope not. It might make JWN as bad apostate-PR.

    But I feel really sorry for the kids. I was one of them. My biggest hope was just to get married and be a regular publisher. People were expecting Bethel or circuit overseer. Sorry to disappoint, sorry about that whole apostate thing. I kinda just derailed my climb up the WT corporate ladder.

    But...guess I was always too given to sentimentality for my own good. The one quality that led out of the WT also led me into trouble with the ladies, hence my current predicament. Ah, well.

    Actually, this week might be a good week to start back--they'll have the Recommended Lodging List for the 2011 "Faithful and Discreet" district convention! And they say we don't believe in Jesus! Pffft! Psshaw!!

    I will have to shave, and possibly get rid of my R-rated movies. Did I delete all my porn? I'm sorry, Bashful Brittany, but I'm no longer tempted by this sex-maddened world! I'm going back to JEHOVAH! [Convention applause]

    But seriously...I might be fun if I don't take it too seriously and just go. If I can get past the nerves and seething rage, maybe even smile, I can help people to realize what I never did about DF'd people: THEY GO ON WITH THEIR LIVES. They joke, and smile, and work, play, eat. Whatever. They're just people who some guys in suits have declared to be anathema. Big whoop. Quite a few of them, as I've learned, have come to live satisfying lives, even!

    I love it when you hit me up about staying married to my lovely, God-fearing, hard-working wife of 1 year and...almost 2 months. Rather than allowing such negative criticism--some of which that apostate sd-7 was guilty of--to disrupt my thinking, I 'rejoice with the wife of my youth'. (Prov. 5:15-20) Thankfully, maintaining a long-term view of my marriage, open, frank communication, and hard work in the household have enabled me to become humble enough to appreciate the elders' loving discipline. As a result, I seek to renew my relationship with Jehovah, in the hope that my sins can be forgiven and I can finally have a clean conscience!

    Are we not grateful for our congregation meetings? Does not your heart fill with appreciation for the fine spiritual banquet Jehovah has provided through the faithful slave? Then let us NOT FORSAKE THE GATHERING OF OURSELVES TOGETHER, ALL THE MORE SO, AS THE DAY OF JEHOVAH DRAWS NEAR! [Enthusiastic, Post-Governing Body-Member-Talk Convention Applause]


  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    Dude, you need to tell the elders you were considering trying to come back but she keeps stumbling you by having private conversations with other men on the phone. There is absolutely NO REASON for a sister to be calling elders on the telephone. She can call other sisters or she can talk to elders at the KH in front of people; what would she think of you if you were calling and having private conversations with elders' wives on the phone? She would be PISSED!

    You're too soft, bro.

  • sd-7
    Dude, you need to tell the elders you were considering trying to come back but she keeps stumbling you by having private conversations with other men on the phone.

    What? No, it wasn't anything like that. She was just calling 'em to ask about somebody's phone number. I don't monitor her phone conversations. Heck, as long as she starts packin' her stuff in advance, she can have phone sex with them, for all I care.

    Seriously though, come on. For the one loving God's law, there is no stumbling block! Haven't you ever read that one? Psalm 119:165?

    Besides, elders have a certain theocratic privilege on that sort of thing. Don't they? I thought they would. Long as nobody could verify it. I don't care to get back into the politics of it. If she were up to no good, as long as she hits the road, I'm fine with that; she got a raw deal, didn't know she was marryin' an apostate, so...who could blame her? There wasn't anything private about it, I was there for as much of it as I could tolerate, after all.


  • Sapphy

    Well, if you decide to go, may his holiness the flying spaghetti monster look kindly on your endeavours. May you be blessed by a touch of his noodly appendage, and may the sparkly rainbowish eminations of her majesty the invisible pink unicorn keep you unharmed.

    Seriously, if you do go, just observe the absurdities and keep your sanity.

  • jamiebowers
    What? No, it wasn't anything like that. She was just calling 'em to ask about somebody's phone number. I don't monitor her phone conversations. Heck, as long as she starts packin' her stuff in advance, she can have phone sex with them, for all I care.

    That's the first good laugh I've had in a while, dear heart!

  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    There's nothing to say that women can't have private conversations with elders. It does happen, although the Borg recommends that it doesn't occur too frequently.

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