You Know Your K.H. Is In Trouble When:

by Mindchild 6 Replies latest jw friends

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  Mindchild

  You Know Your Kingdom Hall is in Trouble When:

  1. In a congregation with 200 dubs, there are only seven who show up to the Watchtower study and they are all apostates.
  2. Finding and returning lost sheep is no longer a parable.
  3. There is a special fund raising meeting to pay the plumber to unclog the toilets.
  4. Baptism is referred to as “branding” by the Circuit Overbeer.
  5. Field Service Meetings are conducted at McDonald’s
  6. Opening day of football season preempts the Sunday meeting.
  7. The elders can’t afford a stamp to mail the Societies monthly cut to them.
  8. The song selected to start the meeting is Mick Jaeger’s “I can’t get no Satisfaction”
  9. The booze used in the Memorial is “Hot Sex.”
  10. The elders are discussing instituting drive through meetings for the congregation.

  Skipper
• 

  cellomould

  ROFL!

  I have heard of a congo being deleted because the elders decided to move the Sunday meeting to accomodate the super bowl.

  ha ha ha

  cellomould

  

  "In other words, your God is the warden of a prison where the only prisoner is your God." Jose Saramago, The Gospel According to Jesus Christ
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  MrMoe

  HA HA HA -- You are soooooooooo funny!!!!!
• 

  ashitaka

  Introducing a talk on apostates, an Elders uses the rap-hit from Onyx, BACDAFUCUP.

  An MS counsels congregation to keep abortions secret, lest Jehovah's name be scarred.

  For some reason, all of the pretty girls are suspected to be 'spiritual terrorists', and are frisked for forty-five minutes before every meeting.

  "Everyone is invited to the AA meeting on Friday! Bring your Watchtowers!"
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  slipnslidemaster

  Presiding Overseer insists all sisters answer using his "special" microphone.

  Local needs talk on blood sausage recipes.

  Congregation book study now has "Fan appreciation night" once a month.

  Attendents distribute Vivarin at beginning of Public Talk.

  Watchtower reader starts off each paragraph with a "HO!!", "HO! HO!", "HO! HO! HO!".

  Theocratic Ministry school overseer steps down to allow Kiki Shepard to host Amatuer Night at the Kingdom Hall.

  Slipnslidemaster:"The problem with Ireland is that it’s a country full of genius, but with absolutely no talent."
  - Hugh Leonard
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  SixofNine

  monthly "practice" memorials before the big April bash.
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  slipnslidemaster

  Too many Brothers removed for "adjusting the mic".

  Slipnslidemaster:"The problem with Ireland is that it’s a country full of genius, but with absolutely no talent."
  - Hugh Leonard