J uly 31, 2010
Steelers to lose Super Bowl trophies
The NFL record 6-time Super Bowl Champion Pittsburgh Steelers will soon be losing half of those trophies. After a meeting between NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and President Barak Obama, Mr. Obama has decided to redistribute half of the Steelers Super Bowl trophies and give them to "less fortunate teams".
"We live everyday in the country that invented the Super Bowl", said Mr. Obama. "We are not going to lose this great American tradition in the wake of difficult times, and especially not because of inferior results by unfortunate football teams". Obama's plan calls for the Steelers to donate half of their Super Bowl trophies to NFL teams that have not been as successful as the Steelers. "The Detroit Lions are as much a part of the National Football League as are the Pittsburgh Steelers, and they have the same entitlement to a Super Bowl trophy as do the Steelers", explains Mr. Obama in his plan submitted to the NFL.
Mr. Obama's plan calls for winning teams (in this case the Steelers) to carry the weight of teams that are not so successful. The President went on to say, "In these difficult times, we are all in this together. We must reclaim the NFL Championship dream for every team, every city and for every fan".
"My plan will not affect 31 of the 32 teams in the league", Obama assures. "Over 95% of the teams in the NFL won't have to worry about losing their Lombardi Trophies. And the best thing is that the worst performing teams in the NFL will have a Championship trophy to call their own. Long-suffering cities and fans will finally have something to be proud of."
Mr. Obama's plan calls for Super Bowl trophy XLIII to be re-distributed to the Detroit Lions, in the hopes that they will be inspired and strive harder. The Steelers XL Super Bowl trophy will be presented to the Cincinnati Bengals. The Bengals have twice reached the Super Bowl, but have fallen short both times. It is Mr. Obama's hope that a Lombardi trophy is the incentive that the Bengals need to achieve greatness. Finally, Super Bowl trophy XIII will be presented to the Dallas Cowboys. As all America is aware, the Cowboys barely lost that game. Because the Steelers have more championships than the Cowboys, in fairness the trophy will be given to Dallas.
Mr. Obama is said to be reviewing the won-lost records of the New York Yankees, Boston Celtics, Los Angeles Lakers and the Detroit Red Wings.
Note: Although the Montreal Canadiens and Toronto Maple Leafs have won more Stanley Cups than the Red Wings, Mr. Obama is leaving his options open
This is satire