My heart is sitting on my girlfriend. I absolutely love her to death and the idea of her not being with me is torturing me. We are having problems. She's not as 'committed' to me as I am to her. I don't mean she's seeing other people. She's very loyal. When I say she's not as 'committed' ...what i mean is marriage wise. She can't commit to anything. She's so scared of lying that she tends to not commit to anything and says 'maybe' to avoid being dishonest. She is absolutely amazing in my eyes though she has her faults too. (she can be lazy and spoiled at times). She has a good heart...saves insects from death. Gets mad when someone kills insects etc.. or Precious life etc..
for the first time in my life, I feel like when i look in my own heart there is this ball ...thing...but it's not dark like evil or something. It's SHINY...and upon further examination of this...I see that it is desire ...desire of marriage with her. I feel as though something deep inside me has finally said to me 'I want to marry her, and no one else.' If I asked her to MARRY me...she would definately say no. She's not 'ready.'
We argue...fight...we have our moments of clashing...but we're still together. Its not about marrage...just stuff. We cuddle a lot when we're together...we kiss...and all that jazz... I'm not very good with women because I get 'played' a lot. And she isn't doing that consciously. She sits and watches pictures of me when i'm not there.. She talks to me everyday... we spend hours on the phone. She gets upset and cries a little when I leave. (long distance relationship) ...I'm planning on moving close to her next month. i want her, ALL of her and I don't want my conscious to scream at me like i'm doing something WRONG. I want HER as my wife.
I know that if i ask her, She'll say she's not ready...she still wants to travel the world etc.. And wants me to go with her. So my question is...Does God really answer prayers? we've been told all of our lives 'yes he does' ...but if that was the case then everyone would win the lottery.
I pray for my relationship with her to work out. I've asked for her hand in marriage in my heart if permitted to God. I'm scared of the future. I don't know. I feel really weird. I would like to make this relationship SOLID.
I prayed for God to show me how I can work on this relationship. And I had a dream, where IN my dream I was specifically AWARE that God was answering my prayer... There were a group of Four people around a table. All women. One was my mentor. My mentor didn't talk but the otehr three did. They told me a list of things to do...I want to say there was 7 things...give or take one or two. I remember writing them down in the dream...then I remember TRYING HARD to remember because I KNEW I was sleeping and when i woke up, I'd forget.
So...i only remember two things..
1)Solidify the relationship
I don't quite understand the 'how' of number #1. I don't understand How to solidify it. and i dont understand number 2 at all. In the dream I wasn't offended in #2. I thought at first that it was with the idea of 'stop being so serious and start living a little' ....but when i'm ME ..i'm pretty SILLY.I dunno. How does someone solidfy the relationship? sexually? or....what? ...we've been together for more than a year now.
I don't remember any of the other stuff.
I'm about to hit 30, some may say that's still 'young' but...it is the time to get married settle....etc... I don't know what to do....im opening up the board for advice. Please lay off the negatives. I have enough negativity in my life.