Are more men leaving the WT than women???

by changeling 9 Replies latest jw friends

  • changeling

    Talking to a couple fellow posters the other day I made the observation that there seem to be more men on this board, and, in particular, more married men whose wives are still "in". I could be wrong about this, but that's how it seems to me...

    So, provided my observation is true, why do ya'll think that is? Why are men waking up while the women lag behind? Could it be that women are socialized to be "followers"? Could it be the "submission" concept, highlighted in today's WT study? Are women in general, and JW women in particular, conditioned not to question, and to dismiss doubt in favor of not rocking the boat? Are men, even in this day and age, still more free than women to question, explore, and buck the system?

  • Odrade

    Well, either that, or when women leave, they have more things to get done, so aren't spending as much time around here. ;-)

  • keyser soze
    keyser soze

    I think that women in the org are conditioned to be submissive, and therefore more dependent, not just on their husbands, but on the org in general. It stands to reason that it would be harder for them to break free. Just my two cents on the matter.

  • chickpea

    all i can relate is my experience in that my husband
    left first, and from the KH we had attended i know
    2 other women who are out... no clue at all about
    younger people coming out or who is DF'd and loving
    it vs DF'd and trying to get back in....

  • steve2

    changeling, you raise good questions, based on a pretty limited population sample (e.g., people who are motivated to communicate about topics raised here). But it's hardly a representative sample.

    Based on census data from different countries, there is usually closer to 60% female membership in the JWs - this is roughly similar to membership of Christian churches in which females invariably outnumber men. In some countries female membership is even higher. I've heard that in Japan there's an 80/20 rationof females to males.

    based on personal observations, I've noticed way more females than males in local congregations and if you see any JWs out door-knocking these days, females outnumber males significantly.

    It would be hard to get a representative sampling of those who leave for all sorts of reasons. Many who leave do so very unobtrusively - fading - and even some who leave openly want to have nothing to do with others who have left. I'd guess though, that because there are more female members than males, there'd be roughly a proportionally similar rate of leaving. For every active female JW with a fading JW husband, there's an active male JW with a wife who's on the fade.

  • flipper

    CHANGELING - Out of my 8 JW nieces & ephews ( that includes my 3 adult children ) 4 of 8 have left the cult. 3 out of those 4 who have left are young men aged 25, 30 & 33 . In answer to your questions : I feel that women need more emotional support from family , i.e. JW parents, aunts or uncles , and women tend to gravitate more towards a JW man's family . At least my 2 JW daughters 23 & 21 have gotten closer to their JW husbands families. I think women are less independent socially within the JW belief system and are controlled to be that way by the WT society patriarchal " men first " and women and children 10th positioning that goes on. So JW women have 2 strikes against them if they want out.

    I feel men are less connected to the expected JW social circles thereby allowing them to escape the JW cult with LESS shunning and drama than a woman would experience. Perhaps women need the family connection more than men. JUst throwing out my 2 cents and from what I've observed being raised in the organization. I do know my 1 JW niece who stopped attending 12 years ago and got her law degree caught a lot more hell for exiting the cult than my son and his 2 male cousins. So there is something about it that makes believing JW's more hard core against young women that leave than young men - from what I've noticed. Good thread, by the way

  • changeling

    steve2: thanks for the mathematical perspective! :)

    Numbers aside, I tend to agree with flipper. Women seem to have more of an attachement to the social/familial side of the WT, even when they have the green light from their husbands.

  • JimmyPage

    I think in any religion it is the women who usually drag their husbands to church. As Homer Simpson used to say, "Stupid itchy church pants!" Then Marge would groan.

  • asilentone

    I am going to start a new thread, we can count us as males and females.

  • zagor

    Good questions changeling. I think in a way you've answered it at the same time. I'd say for many women it revolves a lot around social status and network of friends and unless something happens that shakes their world many would feel like they are betraying those left behind if they suddenly started doing something out of character. In my experience, for ladies its about what whole experience makes them feel like and at the center of it all are friends and family. It is only after their little world is safe that many tend to explore the evidence.

    Men on the other hand tend to look for hard facts before they let feeling kick in, for a guy its way easier to say "to hell with this", pack up and leave, start over and never look back. It's really not only when it comes to religion, I'd say most men are like that in general with pretty much everything else.

    It doesn't mean that either is superior way, they are just different. In life we need both details and bigger picture to make it complete. We equally despise heartless SOB who is only after the facts as well as someone who just melts all the time - this last is exaggeration to emphasize the point its not to say either side is completely like that ;)

    I suppose that explains why when marriage is involved it becomes particularly difficult when say man realizes he's in a cult, and attempts to reason with his wife using facts and she accusing him of ruining everything, basically upsetting chemistry of harmony. Neither man will succeed using facts alone nor will wife succeed by playing on his feelings. So what tends to happen, for example, husband sticks around because of kids or because he still remembers what she "used to be like", hoping eventually "she would see the light" which will never happen unless she "feels the light" and vice verse. So if still in he in a way turns into a shadow of himself and she lives in her head hopping he will change. End result being, marriage either dissolves or they stay together where one is hoping the other will start "feeling differently about the truth" and the other "that other side will see the truth about the truth" Progress is made when they meet in the middle, if that happens at all.

    Of course, this is just a rough analysis and you'd really need to have hard numbers to see if theory fits the data that may explain the disbalance in numbers. ;)

    As for the board attendance, well guys do need some place where they can say their opinion openly so if marriage doesn't provide avenue I'm not surprised there's lots of married boys here. So when it comes to threads you can see guys tend to have hard factual discussion and girls tend to speak about social and humanistic issues, I say tend to, its a tendency not a golden rule. There are several highly schooled and intelligent, and factually oriented ladies that have been posting here for years, as well as there are guys who are more artistic in their expression.

Share this